A Coaching Power Tool By Leora Kirby, Leadership & Life Coach, UNITED STATES
The Journey of Knowing vs. Questioning
Let me take you on a little journey. When I remember my years in primary, secondary, and post-secondary education, what comes to mind is the pattern of being told what I need to know. It was not until later in life, that I started to question what I believed were solid truths or facts. Let me help you understand how being stuck in a knowing mindset is like going around with blinders on. I was surrounded by books, podcasts, magazines, news, etc. that informed me what was fact. I was graded for remembering facts and their application which allowed me to graduate with an MBA. After joining the workforce, I was further rewarded by having the answers to solve various situations throughout my thirty years of professional executive leadership. Knowing was my go-to tool or so I thought. It made me feel confident.
Knowing keeps us locked into using what has worked well for us previously, right or wrong. Did you know that Earth was considered to be flat? Yes, I know that was a long time ago. For the curious, I found references to writings of Greek philosophers from around the 5th century BC that noted that the earth may not be flat. It took two hundred years before astronomers pronounced that Earth had a somewhat spherical shape based on research (questioning) that was conducted based on the daring mariners who guided their ships over the horizon and returned.
Many of you may be thinking, what does this ancient example have to do with the world we live in today? Well go out on the internet and take a look. You will find an endless amount of material that professes that someone’s knowledge is the absolute truth and nothing but the truth. This mindset of blinding believing what we are told by church and state limits our ability to think about future possibilities and new awareness. When we come from a place of knowing it is based on what we have been told as indisputable fact. Disputing what was considered fact was at one point in history considered heresy. It is not until we question our perceptions, beliefs, and knowledge, that we break through what we think we know, to imagine what could be different. By this action, we break the bonds of current knowing to consider what could be.
When we are stuck in our confines of knowing, we miss the opportunity to think outside the box. When our clients are stuck, they keep repeating the same actions or behaviors over and over hoping for different results. They need to break through the barrier of knowing to explore the possibilities. By asking questions that challenge the validity or accuracy of current knowledge, we allow our client to dream of what could be. Throughout my journey with ICA, I have encountered clients that are firmly rooted in their beliefs/knowledge that keep them stuck in repeating the same actions over and over hoping for different results. Is it difficult to dispel a belief that has kept a person stuck in their thinking or actions? Yes.
Power Tool: Knowing vs. Questioning
To Know: To perceive directly as fact or truth; to believe to be true; to be certain of; to be familiar with or have experience of[1].
I am taking a different perspective when it comes to knowing and questioning. Usually, when a person is in a place of knowing they are confident which is empowering. When a person is in doubt you are filled with questions which is often considered a limiting belief. But I would like to propose that questioning what you believe is true is empowering. Questioning: expressing an inquiry that requires an answer; asking for possible solutions to a problem or unresolved matter[2].
It can be difficult for clients to understand that their confidence in the knowledge that they have held for years as indisputable truth or as something they believe they are unable to change can be holding them back. It is through coaching that we work with clients to question their current knowledge and open new avenues in their minds that allow them to choose new practices that suit their current situation. To work with clients and see the change that occurs when they realize that they can change their current knowing about themselves and embrace the freedom of questioning what they want to be, to do, and live going forward.
Resolving the Issue or Reanalyzing What the Issue Might Be: Knowing vs. Questioning
In coaching sessions, it is important for the client to understand that as a coach, I do not sit in judgment or provide them with the solutions to what they need to do. It is not uncommon for a client to ask what they should do. I explain that my goal is to help them gain awareness of their current self (knowing) and then to help them by opening the questioning side of their mind to what they decide to do differently. When I work with clients to learn what is holding them back, it can make them feel quite vulnerable to move into a place of questioning what they currently believe as fact and what is causing them concern.
Often in sessions with clients, the idea of questioning their knowing (what they hold to be true and not changeable) is a foreign concept. Statements of “I can’t” or “I won’t” consider doing something different often arise from the client. The goal of the coach is not to tell them they are wrong but through our questions and observations have them start to question their current beliefs. It is when the client starts to question what is holding them back or what they can do differently, is when you start to see the potential for the change the client desires emerge.
I have often heard the “holding space” terminology for the client as they think about what is challenging their current knowledge. As coaches, we want to allow the client as much time as they need to think about what they need/want to change, question viability, and decide to move forward. As a coach, we help promote this growth by prompting further questioning and to help the client to make their plan. The last part is seeing if there is a commitment on behalf of the client to make the change they desire.
The final question that we often ask in this process is how they will hold themselves accountable for the change they want to make. When great change occurs, clients benefit from having someone close by for support and encouragement.
With all the challenges that occur to prior knowledge and beliefs, it can be quite an emotional journey. You may see emotions ranging from anger, fear, and doubt for a client. Sharing observations with your client that you notice their struggle and emotions helps them feel seen and cared about. Check with them to see if they are in a good space before ending the coaching session. Challenging what you know about yourself and how you present yourself to others can be a very emotional experience for a client.
In coaching, it is important to discover what the current thinking and beliefs are for the client.
Questions to gain knowledge of current situation:
- What expectations influence your current situation?
- Based on these expectations, what is the current situation like for you?
- What are you finding frustrating?
- What barriers are you experiencing in resolving the issue or achieving your goal?
- What alternatives have been considered?
- What progress has been made in resolving the current stall in progress?
- What have you learned about this situation?
- What is holding you back from resolving the current situation?
Having a clear understanding of the current situation and how this situation is affecting the client, the coach can then move forward with the client to have them work on resolving the issue. It is not about the coach providing a solution but asking the client questions that will inspire them to think beyond the current state toward resolving what currently has them not making progress on resolving the issue or reanalyzing what the issue might be.
Questions to help the client move forward to resolve the issue or achieve the goal:
- Based on what you have shared what do you want to achieve in our session today?
- What is important about this issue for you?
- What will you need to do differently in the future?
- What assistance will you need to resolve this situation?
- What could hold you back from implementing a new perspective to achieve your goal or resolve of issue?
- Whose support will you need to garner to move this project forward?
- What have you learned while working on this issue?
- What new awareness have you made during our session today?
Knowing vs. Questioning: Exploring the What-Ifs
Sometimes our current knowledge gets in our way of moving forward. Doing the same thing over and over to achieve different results can be an effort in futility. Sometimes we need to challenge our current knowledge and perspective. This may mean not continuing to battle this alone but engaging a coach to help us get out of our way of knowing to make progress through exploring the what-ifs.
References
The myth that Earth is Flat: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myth_of_the_flat_Earth
Knowing
Habit
Knowledge
Boundaries
Missed exploration
Limit questioning
Questioning
Exploration
No limits
Reevaluate the situation
Change of perspective
Creation of New Knowledge
[1] Webster’s Dictionary,1999
[2] Webster Dictionary,1999