A Coaching Power Tool Created by Amy Sareeram
(Leadership Coach, CANADA)
Introduction
Fear can limit us from moving forward. It could be the fear of the unknown; fear of failing; fear of not meeting expectations and disappointing others; or fear of sufficiency. Fear is expressed in various ways and can even be masked as other emotions. When fear is limiting clients, coaches can assist by reframing their perspective to one of courage to find ways to overcome their fear and realize their goals.
Explanation
Merriam-Webster defines fear as a noun and verb. As a noun, it is “an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger; anxious concern”. As a verb, it is “to be afraid of, expect with alarm fear the worst, to feel fear in (oneself).”[1]
Fear is useful as it helps us avoid danger; however, when fear dominates our thinking, affects our decision-making and actions, it limits our ability to develop, grow, and thrive. At its basic level, fear guides our fight or flight responses and helps keep us safe. It allows us to process information quickly to avoid negative situations and protect ourselves. However, when taken to an extreme, fear can overwhelm and consume us, it holds us back from moving forward and limits our potential. Fear can manifest in different ways:
- Worry or anxiety. When we are governed by fear, it can cause excessive worry about circumstances that are not congruent with the circumstance itself. We can overthink details or spin our wheels when it is not justified.
- The desire for control. Fear may be the root cause someone is unwilling to allow others to help or make decisions as they seek to control all events.
- For those who seek perfection, fear can cause overthinking to the point of inaction.
- Inflated importance. We can exaggerate the importance or significance of the situation, interaction, or decision, making the event larger than it is.
- Lack of trust. We may assume the worst-case scenario in how others think and/or behave without actual insight into what may happen.
A perspective of courage allows individuals to overcome their hesitation to take action. Courage is defined as the “mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.”[2]By viewing situations and decisions with courage, individuals can empower themselves to realize their goals. It enables us to trust we have the strength and capabilities to affect our lives positively. Helping clients understand their resilience and internal strength, as well as challenging their underlying beliefs and learned behavior, coaches can assist clients in finding and leveraging courage to lead a more fulfilling and positive life.
Application
Coaches can assist their clients to reframe the feeling of fear to courage through exploring the underlying belief or assumption causing the fear, identifying different ways to interpret their thoughts, and leveraging their strengths and internal knowledge to move forward.
Coaches work with clients to 1) identify the underlying causes of the fear, 2) employ powerful questioning to reframe how the client is viewing the situation and themselves to find ways to move forward, and 3) empower clients to create trust and confidence in themselves to stop being governed by fear.
Example
April was constantly struggling with burnout and wanted to understand why, even though she wanted to reduce her professional and personal responsibilities, she always fell back into the same place. Through facilitated questions, she identified some underlying reasons why she could not take time for herself. She felt she would disappoint others if she was not there or did not go above and beyond. She realized she used task completion to validate herself and as a way to earn love. She continually valued her needs below that of her team or her family and friends as being selfless was a value taught at a young age. She had achieved success with this approach for many years, and it became an underlying belief and learned behavior. She also worried if she was not available, things would not go well, and did not trust others. Through questioning her beliefs, she realized she ultimately sought control and perhaps had an inflated sense of her role in outcomes. All of these issues resolved back to fear – fear of not receiving love, fear of not meeting her own and others’ expectations, and fear of not being in control.
April was able to reframe her perspective and demonstrate courage to make small steps to change her underlying assumptions and beliefs. She realized she was limiting her and others’ potential through her actions. Through exploration, she realized even if the worst-case scenario occurred, it would not be as dire as anticipated, and in many cases, she was not able to control all the things about which she was worried. She found it easier to make decisions when understanding the potential outcomes and weighing the actual long-term significance. Additionally, she worked to increase her belief in self-worth and redefined personal actions as self-care, not selfish behavior. As a result, she was able to set healthy boundaries and increase her overall health and happiness.
Identify the underlying causes of fear.
Many underlying causes can contribute to fear and clients may default or conflate causes together. The role of the coach is to help the client become aware of the source of the fear and any disempowering underlying beliefs that may emerge. They can also identify any adverse thinking patterns such as overthinking, all-or-nothing thinking, anticipating the worst, fear of the unknown, desire for control, or perfectionism.
Potential questions could include:
- What is the source of the fear?
- How likely is that to happen?
- What are you really worried about?
- What is holding you back from letting go of the fear?
- What is preventing you from taking action?
- What data do you have to support that belief/conclusion?
- What would it feel like to not be responsible for perfection?
- How much can you control?
- What can you control?
- How could you plan for contingencies?
Reframe perspective.
The coach works with the client to challenge beliefs and counter-current thinking. Coaches create awareness for clients to acknowledge we cannot control all of life’s circumstances or other people’s actions; to appreciate that decisions and actions can be modified or adjusted and to cease overweighing things as overly significant and provide perspective.
The coach facilitates reframing fear into possibility. By leveraging intelligent optimism, coaches can enable their clients to see those incredible can things happen when they are open to possibilities. By creating a positive vision for the future, clients become more open to possibilities and develop energy to try new actions to achieve that desired future. Clients can create movement and momentum through incremental changes in their views.
Coaches assist clients in moving from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset – opening them to new ways to view themselves and their situation. By acknowledging their self-discovery and learning, they encourage clients to see new opportunities.
Potential questions could include:
- How else can you see this situation?
- What other perspective could you take? What is another way to see it?
- What else is possible to believe? What makes you think that?
- What if you couldn’t fail?
- What if there is no right answer?
- What if people accepted you as you are?
- What if people didn’t expect you to be perfect?
- What if there was no judgment?
- What might be the benefits of being courageous?
- How could you plan for contingencies?
Empower clients to create trust and confidence in themselves
When we see things with courage, we believe we have confidence in ourselves and trust in ourselves and others. Implementing this change is not easy. The coach works with the client to enable them to embrace uncertainty and develop the courage to take action.
Encouraging clients to take small steps to demonstrate courage is like someone afraid of water learning to swim. You begin by wading in the shallow end, testing the waters, and demonstrating success before moving to the deep end. Coaches need to help the client establish realistic goals early to show success and build their courage and confidence. Through seeing positive results and acknowledging their progress, they can develop trust and confidence in themself, and then move to more challenging ways to demonstrate courage. Demonstrating these small levels of courage can have a significant impact and feel “safer” to those who struggle with fear. After a time, they can overcome the tendency of allowing fear to dominate and reach their goals.
Seeing our progress, and disproving our worst thoughts, creates momentum and positivity in our ability to take action. When we believe in ourselves and our ability, we start to see more potential and reduce our fear. Creating and embracing courage allows us to enhance the good in any situation and seize opportunities.
Potential questions could include:
- Visualize yourself acting with no fear. How does it feel? What does that look like?
- How would be courageous feel?
- What actions could try to test this new perspective?
- What acts could you take to trust yourself/others?
- What would give you the confidence to do that?
- What do you need to trust yourself?
- What gives you confidence in your ability?
- What is the best that could happen?
- What advice would you give yourself?
- What structure do you need to do this?
- What do you need to do to hold yourself accountable?
- What credit can you give yourself?
- What are you proud of trying?
- What could you learn from trying?
Reflection
Think of a time where you felt indecisive, a time when worry prevented you from trying ….
- What expectations existed?
- What beliefs were present?
- How did you change the way you perceived the situation?
- What caused you to move forward?
- What success did you achieve/realize?
References
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1299209/
The Art of Possibility by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander
[1]https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/fear
[2]https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/courage