A Coaching Model Created by Heather Skomp
(Life Coach, UNITED STATES)
Life isn’t any fun when you’re feeling like a dried up old prune. Our days become lifeless, dull, boring, and… endless. A job is just a job is just a job, and our relationships become extensions of those jobs. More bloody work. We’re tired, irritable, and longing for death. Well, maybe not literal death, but death of this God-awful existence.
We dream of the lives we had when we were younger, when our days were more carefree, full of fun and laughter and deliciousness. When each day brought some new excitement, some new discovery, some new lovely experience – maybe a person – on which we can develop a crush.
What would it be like if you could feel that way every day? What would it be like if every day (or as many days as possible) brought the breathless anticipation of pleasure, the bliss of freedom, the buzz of adventure, the thrill of passion, and the refreshment of relaxation? Mmmmmm… sounds good, huh.
Well, I can help you get there. My job is to help you uncover your buried desires, open up your heart, shed light on your brilliance, clear away the fog of uncertainty and fear, and create a plan of action to get your life on the sexy track – whatever that means for you.
We all need a little sexy in our lives. Whether it comes from creating a business that you love, a relationship that reflects your most delightful and fine self, or just adding a little more lusciousness to your life, my role as your coach is help you manifest a life that you can crush on – every day.
So. How do we do all that?
8 Steps to Creating a S.E.X.Y. L.I.F.E
If you want to get a life worth loving, the first order of business is to delve into the wonder that is Y.O.U. There will be loads of fascinating questions to answer. Why? Because you are unique, and the only way to discover your personal definition of a sexy life is to dig it out of you. You created the life that you currently have. You will create the life that you now want. The most effective way to facilitate that creation is to ask the right questions, listen intently to the answers, and before you know it, the way will be shown. The path is inside you – you just have to uncover it. This document will give you the eight overarching steps to creating the sexy life you know (and I know) you have been fantasizing about. The details will be up to you.
This is how we do it! (dancing to Montell Jordan, optional)
The best way to begin is to start by assessing where you are in your life right now. You can ask yourself these same questions whether your situation is general, or if it is about a specific topic (for example, your business or a relationship). How did you come to be where you are? What is going on right now? What is it about your situation that you don’t like? What keeps you there in spite of your discontent? Who are you really, at your core? Is your current situation supporting who you really are? What belief systems and social conditioning led you to create the situation you have right now? When you made the choices you made that created your current situation, what thoughts and feelings were driving those choices? Are you still in alignment with those thoughts, feelings and beliefs, or have they changed over time?
The most important result of this step is to create awareness about how you got to be where you are now. The goal is to keep you aware of the thoughts and feelings that motivate you, so that you can consciously channel those thoughts and feelings so they lead you to act in new ways, that will take you where you want to go now.
The other goal of this step is to help you let go of things that no longer serve you or your growth. As Dr. Phil says, “you cannot change what you do not acknowledge”. By assessing your current situation and acknowledging the beliefs and perspectives that led you to where you are, you can release with confidence – and without judgment – any and all that no longer support the new path you want to create for yourself.
E stands for Examining Your Needs – what do you need?
Here is where you find out what you really need in your life to feel sexy and vital. Is it freedom? Fulfillment in your work? Great love? Security and comfort? A ton of variety, change and opportunities for growth? A sense of contribution to the greater good? Lots of dosh? Lots of sex? This is where we get down to the gritty of what you really need to be your best self. What are your values? What matters to you the most in life? What do you crave? We need to get really clear on what is most important to you, so that we make sure those needs are met. Because once those needs are covered, then and only then are you able to let go and allow in the sexy that is your destiny.
What are the basics that absolutely have to be in your life in order for you to be able to let go of worry and fear, so you can be free to fly as high as you can imagine? What do we need to get in place in order that you can trust that you are fully supported as you soar?
The goal of this step is to set a new standard for the life situation you want to have. This new standard will be based on your core values, which are a reflection of your deepest needs for a satisfying life. The reason it is so necessary to clearly define your needs is that when those needs are met, you create trust not only in yourself, but also in the greater world. This trust will provide the foundation on which you will build your new life situation.
X stands for EXploring What You Want – what do you want?
Your wants are different than your needs. You wants, however, support your needs. The wants are simply the ideal manner in which to get your needs met. We may want a romantic partner because we need to feel loved. We may want to have our own business because we need to experience freedom in the way we earn a living. We may want an expensive sports car because we need to feel powerful. See?
What do you want in your life situation that will give you what you need? Is it a thriving online business? A hot romantic relationship? Some little life pleasures to enhance your days?
We can drill this down even more within a specific topic: what do you want in a romantic partner that will give you what you need? Maybe you want someone who makes you laugh because you need to be able to relax with your partner? Maybe you want someone financially secure because you need to feel comfort and safety? Maybe you want someone who is self-employed because you need to have freedom in how you live your life with a partner? Maybe you want someone classically attractive because you need to feel socially accepted?
It is very important to explore what you want, in relation to your needs. What do you want your life situation to be? What do you want from your sexy life?
The purpose of this step, quite frankly, is to get you excited. It is to get you energized about what you can create your life to be. When you think about what you want, it is fun! It feels good! Getting excited about what you want inspires the commitment to get it. And when you can believe that what you want can be yours, it is sexy.
Y stands for Your Ideal Outcome – what do you envision?
This step is also fun, which is why it comes right after exploring your wants. Here is where we get to be creative! Thing B.I.G. When you think of your new life situation, what is your ideal outcome? What is your biggest dream, with regards to that particular topic? How does it look? Really sit with yourself and enjoy this process. This is when you get to visualize exactly how you want your life situation to look, feel, smell, taste, sound! Consider every detail. Why not? This is fun! Write down every little thing you can think of that will make your vision come to life. What does your new partner look like, sound like? How does he/she make you feel? What kind of work does he/she do? What kind of interests does he/she have? What about your new job or business? Who will you be working with? What kind of people? Who will your clients be? Where will your office be? What will your office hours be? Will you have a window office or work out of a travel trailer? Will you have a secretary? What kind of product or service do you want to provide? Will you be online or not?
Visualizing your ideal outcome allows your true creativity and brilliance to be exercised. It gets you in the mode of “being there”. Kind of like the whole idea of “faking it until you make it” – that’s what visualization does. It makes you feel like you are already there, which naturally makes your desired situation become more magnetized to you. Crystallizing your vision can also serve to make the method of getting there clearer as well.
This step also helps you set your intention. When you can see your destination more clearly, your intention to get there becomes more solidified. It gives you confidence and the drive to stay your path. When your intention is set, there much less opportunity for distractions to derail you. You remain focused on your goal, and therefore much more likely to achieve it. It’s exciting!
L stands for Learning What You Need to Know to Get There – what do you need to know?
When you are charting a new path, there will always be things you will need to learn. We don’t come out of the womb knowing everything. However, when the end goal is something you dearly want, more often than not the learning process is as much of a pleasure as receiving the rewards of the knowledge.
So when you think of the goal you want to reach, what knowledge do you need to attain in order to get there? Do you need to go back to school? Hire a coach? Read some books? Become an apprentice? Take some training courses? Interview a few experts? Hire a coach?
You will need to get some kind of education. If you aren’t where you want to be, it merely means that the people who are where you want to be know something you don’t. It’s your job now to learn what they know.
This step is important for obvious reasons. You won’t get where you want to go if you know nothing about what it takes to get there… and stay there (divorce, anyone? Bankruptcy, anyone? No, I didn’t think so). Success and achievement doesn’t happen by magic or vampire dust or quantum leaping. However, this step is also important because it requires you to take responsibility for the achievement of your goal. No one else is going to learn what needs to be learned and then hand you the result. You’re not in some cheesy 80s teen movie where the dumb jock gets the gutsy geek to do his homework for him. You have to do the work. And when you begin to educate yourself on how to get where you want to be, you own the process, and the result. It becomes a part of you. No one can take that away from you, but in the same vein, no one else can be blamed for any failures either. This is your dream. Claim it!
Education also breeds confidence. Knowledge is power, and all that. Even better, you can start to see how you are going to get where you want to go, and we all know how blissful it is when we get the dreaded “how????” question answered. You can see your dream moving beyond just a gorgeous vision and into physical manifestation. That can make you feel on top of the world! Like you can do anything. And isn’t that what feeling sexy is all about?
I stands for Inventing a Plan of Action – what steps do you need to take?
Now everything you have learned about yourself, and your goal, comes together here. After all the soul-searching, all the excavation processes, all the list-writing, all the information-gathering – now it starts to come to fruition. Here is where we make a plan of what you are going to do to make your dream come out of your head, off of the paper, and into physical manifestation. We take all the knowledge you have accrued throughout the first five steps and create a plan of action based on everything you have learned.
So we make a plan. We write it down. We revise it. We scrap it. We write another plan. But we invent a plan of action. We lay out the map of where you want to go, and how you are going to get there. Whoo hoo!! Your sexy is starting to show!
There is a lot of importance to this step. It engages your sense of commitment to your goal when you start creating plans to make them happen. It makes your commitment more “real”, and complete manifestation is infinitely more likely to occur. It brings your vision and dream out of the ethers of your mind or your imagination and down to “earth”, by bringing it into reality through physical (earthly) action.
F stands for Follow Your Plan – what support do you need?
Let’s face it, there will be times when your excitement will wane. When the stupid annoying requirements of life will get in the way of the roll you’re on. I hate that. But it is true, and we must deal with having to take showers, having to eat, having to take our kids to school, having to vacuum, having to go to work, family coming to visit… sigh. All these things we must do that take us away from our plan!
But that doesn’t get you off the hook from following your plan. If you want to get your sexy groove on in your life, you have to follow your plan. Otherwise, learn to get comfortable in the life you have now.
Yeah…. let’s not even entertain that thought.
Following your plan means self-management. It means you need to engage in some disciplinary behaviors to make sure you keep to your plan. It means creating structures that will support you in allowing time and space to do the work needed to execute your plan. It means engaging tools like calendars and organizers and reminders and to do lists. It means enforcing the commitment you made in step seven.
Here is where a coach is so fabulous! A coach can help you get those structures in place, and hold you accountable to the quest you have begun. When someone is breathing down your neck waiting to hear about all the juicy progress you’ve made on your plan over the last week, believe me… we tend to get things done.
It is fairly obvious to say that if you do not follow your plan, you can be 100% certain that you will not get the results you want. Those are not the odds you want to bet on.
Follow your plan!
E stands for Evaluate (and celebrate!) Your Results – how awesome are you?
Praise! You did it! It’s time to acknowledge and applaud your progress. Regardless of whether you have reached your ultimate goal, it is incredibly important to recognize and honor your achievements every step of the way. Change is hard work, and without congratulations and reward for the work you put in on a regular basis, we can often lose our momentum. And sometimes, we can get derailed altogether when things don’t go the way we want them to. Since derailment, even if temporary, is bound to happen at some stage, it is critical to remind ourselves of the accomplishments we have already made during our quest. Don’t wait until you reach the final destination to celebrate – create smaller rewards along the way. This is when ice cream treats and iTunes gift cards can go a looooong way to keep us on path.
Evaluation allows us to be mindful of our progress. It is always positive and helpful to look over the advancements we have effected, and analyze the areas in which improvement can made. Celebration expands gratitude, and reminds us of the reasons we decided to make these changes in the first place.
And it’s always good to be reminded of the reasons we decided to make these changes in the first place.
And there you have it!
So these are the eight steps. Really not that complicated, but that doesn’t mean going through them is always easy. It will take work, and commitment to the cause.
However, it should be fun! Creating a sexy life is exciting. When you start visualizing your new life, your adrenaline will start surging, your heart will start opening, and your energy will get lighter. You will want to move forward. And the good thing is, regardless of where you are in your life, or even on the S.E.X.Y. L.I.F.E. staircase, you can begin there. All the steps are important, but they are not necessarily sequential. And, you can always circle back and rework a step if you find you need to. You are the creator of your new sexy life, after all!
And as your coach, I’ll be there every step of the way.