Research Paper By Dalia El Seddik
(Life Coach, EGYPT)
Teenagers are usually interested in songs and singers. But for me, I wasn’t interested in this at all. Only one song I couldn’t get out of my head. Maybe I forgot the song with life going on, till I found myself searching for it and want to listen to it. It seems it was hiding back in a corner in my head. The song is HERO by Mariah Carey
Actually I believe that deep inside each one of us, a hero is waiting to come out, but the question is: do we search for this hero to help it to come out? Or do we leave circumstances to reveal this hero? If we try to know and bring this hero out, does our society help us in this or not? Do we wait for our society’s approval in order to discover the hero within us? What makes a community or society stand against this journey? Is the community afraid of letting individuals go out of the frame they are supposed to be in? What would happen if we stand for ourselves and start searching and discovering this hero? How much power and commitment do we need to find this hero? Does community or society keep fighting back this search or after a while would surrender to the fact that we insist to find this hero?
The fact is that we all, individuals and communities, fear and fight change. When we know this fact and accept it we can deal with it. In this case we understand when our community or our unconscious mind pushes us to stop searching.
For example, if we know that there is monster in a room. When you open the door, you know what you are expecting to face so you are prepared. You may feel little doubt that you will succeed in fighting the monster, but you are not scared of the unknown.
Our fear traps us in society ambush. It is the same as a deer trying to run from a cheetah. Even if the deer is much faster than a cheetah, the scared deer would be hunted if the deer starts to look behind to see whether the cheetah is coming closer or not. It will become distracted and will slow down. At this moment, the cheetah would manage to catch the deer. If we compare this with our human being reality, we will find ourselves (deer) haunted by our society (cheetah), to keep us within its frame of norms, traditions, regulations. We have fears to discover the unknown of ourselves, start this journey, fear of society’s rejection.
We don’t deny the fact that we can’t live alone. We need to be within a group to feel secured. Either secured to be safe, or secured to produce food, or secured to find someone cares for us (this one in nuclear family). Societies play on our security needs to keep us within the frame it creates. If we went out of this frame, either we will be rejected, or we will be blamed on society unity collapse. We can’t deny that there were some rules established in the past for a good reason, but with time passing this good reason vanish. Societies don’t update their roles every once and while, these roles stay as it till something major happens to change. To prove and change these roles, you need to be strong and be a believer. A believer that these roles stopped being important or useful in the time being.
Please note that my talking isn’t a generalization it’s just reference to my life observations and reflection.
Why I have chosen this subject to write on? Simply because I was angry of myself not reaching the hero inside me, while I felt there is a lot need be discovered. With hero here I mean my true self, skills, talents and capabilities. Then I noticed I wasn’t alone in what I felt, a lot shared this with me Egyptians and non-Egyptians. I was lucky to have my family beside me, encourage and support me in this journey. This made me think what about the rest, what they would do if they don’t someone to support them? How they will discover the HERO inside them? What resources or help they need in their journey; if they choose of course to find their HERO. Life obligations sometimes don’t give us the chance or help to find this hero; they just can’t get their head up to breath and find their purpose, our mission in life, why we were created.
For me ICA and coaching was the key, and I believe coaching is there for this purpose, to make the clients think, question themselves, understand, believe, love, dream, achieve, be confident, commitment, peace, insight, self-awareness and faith. In this paper I wanted to show what is happening, inside and around us, to say that self-awareness is the beginning, then comes the way to change and surprisingly it’s so simple. It can begin by enhancing our way of breathing, self-acceptance and others, being happy and in peace with ourselves and the world around us. I believe that we have a finger print (impact) on the world, not just the world that has effect on us, to have the courage to move out of comfort zone.
Here is the lyric of Hero by Maria Carey;
|There’s a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don’t have to be afraid
Of what you are
There’s an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away
|And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
|It’s a long, road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Dreams are hard to follow
But don’t let anyone
Tear them away
There will be tomorrow
In time you’ll find the wayAnd then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
That a hero lies in you
That a hero lies in you
It maybe strange what I’m going to do, but I will take this song as guide in knowing the client, understand what he might going through, then changing his perspective.
First looking inside oneself:
It needs a lot of courage to gain self-awareness, to identify our feelings, accept, and then deal with. In a invalidation web site “First accept the feelings, and then address the behavior”. How we can be self-aware, if we haven’t been trained to identify and accept ourselves. I don’t want to generalize the case.
But families may without intention teach children to stick with tradition and known behavior, which approved by their society and not give the free will to choose or try something new. Maybe parents in this behavior are afraid the child will be harmed, if the child did something new they don’t know about or tried before. Parents want their children to follow what they know in order to safe them the effort of analysis the situation the child will be in, and to stay in their comfort zone.
For one reason to keep the child safe, second, parents weren’t raised on knowing what is going inside them. We sometimes when experience new feelings, we got the feeling that it’s happening to only us. But actually, these feelings are natural that we all share.
Why we think these feelings are different than others, because we are afraid or shy to share it with others. And the cycle will continue, young generations got married having children, without accepting their feelings and dealing with, and their children will be the same. Only the courageous who dare to look inside themselves will get out of this cycle.
Second to start the process:
What is going to be our equipment and support during this process? We need a lot of support from inside and outside, by the way I meant this order, without the braveness from inside to know and explore ourselves. I call it the spark which will light the fire; nothing will happen. The only person will help you is yourself, of course we can’t ignore the encouragement we get from our families who with their help it become easier to explore, not fighting in all sides, inside and outside.
The process here means knowing what works with us and what works against, to know your enemy and ally is the first step.
Our experience in life, either joyful or painful, shapes how we see ourselves and the world around us. The curiosity we face the world with, the ability to learn from our experience and others experience.
I remember my grandmother telling me, Dalia we don’t need to go through an experience to learn from. We can learn from others experience as well as ours. By this we will learn more, and with an easy way, not by hard way. She taught me to read people’s problem in newspaper and discuss. This kind of environmental of exploration helps a child, to understand and feel empathy to the person in front of you, feel the pain of others even if they didn’t express it out loud.
Some people think showing their pain is shame, or no one will understand, or they may say we are not weak to be in pain. You can say I was one of these types, hiding my pain. Trying to react as everything is just fine and I’m strong person. Till one day I found myself can’t handle it any more, it’s becoming shocking. Asking myself what will happen if I didn’t hide my pain? I don’t have to feel ashamed of my pain or my weakness. We are human; our middle name is imperfect. We actually share this middle name, we all share imperfections.
I believe in this sentence “If you can’t get that stuff out from under the table, it’s going to block you all the way”. 
And to summarize all "Argue for your limitations and they are yours!" from Richard Bach's famous quote from his book "Illusions"
We are the ones who limit our capabilities. We are the ones who underestimate ourselves. We are the ones who don’t have confident in ourselves and in the world around us.
Family love and support:
“A sensitive child who is repeatedly invalidated becomes confused and begins to distrust his own emotions. He fails to develop confidence in and healthy use of his emotional brain” Psychological invalidation is one of the most lethal forms of emotional abuse. It kills confidence, creativity and individuality. Telling a person he/she shouldn't feel the way he/she does feel is akin to telling water it shouldn't be wet, grass it shouldn't be green, or rocks they shouldn't be hard. Each person's feelings are real. Whether we like or understand someone's feelings, they are still real. Rejecting feelings is rejecting reality; it is to fight nature and may be called a crime against nature, "psychological murder", or "soul murder." Considering that trying to fight feelings, rather than accept them, is trying to fight all of nature, you can see why it is so frustrating, draining and futile.
We all have been born with different capabilities. The idea here is the way parents follow to bring their children up; it either flourish and grow these capabilities, or it kept hidden unused to shrank and disappear with time. Same like muscles it shrank if we don’t use, when we use and train, we nourish it to grow.
That’s means family role is very important especially in early childhood. The support they show and encouragement they give the baby to explore to understand their own feeling and not trying to keep it locked inside the child.
For example, telling a baby boy, don’t cry; men don’t cry. That’s maybe one of reasons men grow up and can’t show their feeling and deal with it. While girls are on the other hand, it’s ok to cry they are girls it’s ok to be weak, as if men shouldn’t be feeling vulnerable at all.
When I see a young child who his/her mother or father don’t know how to show or give love to this young child. That’s hurt me so much. I can imagine how this young child will be when he/she grows up. This situation looks like domino a tiny small action can create a big mess, this father or mother they must in some point in their life, didn’t experience love, either in their childhood, or during their growing up phases, or circumstances they faced which hurtled them, or due to the madness life we are living in. Living with the mode of doing not the being mode.
Doing Mode is focused on achievement and outcome. It is result oriented. An example of Doing Mode might be that if we are traveling on a road trip, we would be obsessed with getting to our destination and we would miss all of the scenery going by.
Being Mode is all about the process, not the result. We notice the scenery as we move through it, and we enjoy the journey itself, rather than concerning ourselves with the future outcome. When we are in Being Mode, we are in the present moment, and we are available for everything that moment has to offer - pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral though it may be.
I believe LOVE is like a ball. This ball is fluffy and soft. This ball gives you warm, intimacy, trust, happiness and fulfilment feelings. When anyone holds such ball, he/she would love to keep it to him/herself. What is better to keep or to pass this love ball to others? I think when we pass this ball to others we feel the joy of sharing. When we share this ball, people start feel LOVED. They learn to share and exchange LOVE with us, and others. As if a LOVE message is being sent. One passes to another LOVE. People can feel if someone is in LOVE with them. As a result of Love message passes from one to another, can you imagine what would happen to the world we are in if Love message spread. Just imagine.
Community we are in:
There is a story I like and I find related to what community do with us. This story is about a stranger came cross an Indian. He notice elephants in this village tied to a tree with a very thin rope. Even these elephants can cut the rope and set itself free they don’t. When he asks a villager about this, he told him; while these elephants were young, they used to tie them with a very strong rope to trees. In this young age elephants can’t cut the rope. With time it got used to the idea any rope can’t be cut. These elephants surrender to the idea and stopped trying to cut the rope anymore.
Let’s compare this with ourselves, while we are growing up, we are surrounded with a lot of don’t do, it’s not appropriate, if you did so I would stop love you, or people would stop knowing you if you did so, what people will say if they know what you did.
By this community, societies, and groups we live within try and most of the time succeed to put us in a certain frame, inside this frame a lot of obligations, rules, norms and classifications, sometime what’s inside this frame drain us, and matter of fact we leave it to drain us. To awaken ourselves, on what is really matter not just obligations, rules, norms and classifications, to reach our happiness, peace of mind with oneself and with others, to be in harmony.
Society drain us in a lot of details which we sank in, and to stop this draining and stand up and say enough is enough, I wanted to live my way, and all I can offer you (society) that I wouldn’t harm anyone or any creature.
For example; you find a young person who is 29, is feeling depressed for nothing except he is getting old and didn’t yet buy apartment, find wife, career wise didn’t do much. That’s all because of what have been planted in his head that by this age you should have established a family and having kids, who put this condition, no one except the society we are in. for no reason I can imagine except to be in this trap, I can say it’s kind of swirl we are in because it’s too much detailed, not just be kind to others and to yourself, and not harming people and animals you know, love your life and appreciate what you have, If it just this simple !!!
To shut myself from the community I am in and maybe see the good inside it, to be and not be involved, to take from it what I need and leave what I don’t, take what will move me forward and leave what will complex my life, to have the balance between being happy and others happiness. To try to replace what have been implemented from childhood. We need to have this shift of person perspective to find his balance and live the life he/she want to live not the one the community want him to live.
To know and realize this fact of community is trying to put us in a certain frame, and knowing it’s our right to try and think out of the box, will help and give us the courage to go out of the frame, if this person not going to harm anyone by his actions or thinking. Everything in the beginning is hard, and will be met with rejection, but with time what the society try on us to make us get used on his rules, we are doing the same, we make him get used on the new idea we are calling for.
Allah (God) and our faith:
Our or you can say the only ally is God or Allah as in Arabic, who else except him will work only for your benefit, there is no hidden agenda, even what you may think is not in your sake, turn out after some time the perfect situation can ever happen to you. God send us signs all the time to guide us through our way, but how can we read this signs? What do we need to read and observe these signs? Are we brave enough to follow them? Reading these signs require from us to open our eyes, heart and mind, to walk through this life open to new possibilities, modifying our way according to the new coming data, having the bravery to grab the chance without hesitation, to follow our intuition, to have the faith that these signs we saw are from God, for directing us, these signs is like being in exam and suddenly you find someone give you a hint on how to solve the equation in front of you. These signs we meet in life is just like a hint on how to walk in life.
The theory of Victim-Rescuer-Persecutor Triangle:
The Victim - Victims honestly believe they have no power and that nothing positive will ever happen for them. Their focus is on the past and negativity. Their suffering is their identity. They feel helpless, hopeless, reacting rather than responding in a healthy way to the world. They always need something more before they are willing to take responsibility for their life, to take any action, to change or to heal - more love, more attention, more time or more information. They tend to be confused, living in constant fear of making a mistake or looking foolish. They always have an excuse for inaction. Apathy, depression and anger are typical symptoms.
The Rescuer - Rescuers believe they have all the answers and know the right solutions for others. Although their own lives are often in shambles, they spend a lot of time attempting to change. Rescuers frequently wear a false cloak of power and superiority, always appearing to be confident and in control. Rescuers love to take care of and direct the lives of other people. Through controlling and changing others, Rescuers attempt to gain a sense of identity as well as to gain love, attention and respect. They pretend to know more than other people and frequently have an answer for everything, even though they have little, if any, actual knowledge or experience regarding the subject. They don't realize they need to rescue themselves!
The Persecutor - Persecutors blame others for their upsets. Here both Victims and Rescuers, become Persecutors, venting their frustration, anger and resentment at others, rather than taking personal responsibility and walking away from the person who they accuse of irritating them, they stay locked into the destructive patterns, and attacking the "source of their frustration".
The Victim is angry with the Rescuer, claiming they push too hard, demand too much, bring up pain, pressure them to change, etc." The Rescuer is angry with the Victim for not appreciating, not understanding or not changing fast enough, making comments such as "if only you had taken my advice, if only you would listen, change and do what I say ... etc." Persecutors punish others through destructive actions such as dominating, controlling, nagging, belittling, shaming, blaming and humiliating. A Persecutor needs to disengage, to focus on taking care of themselves and getting their own life in order!
Victims and Rescuers are drawn together to play out their game. They need each other. After their initial joyful honeymoon, a time during which each is able to "Star" in their favorite role, they soon tire of this very demanding and exhausting game. When either person, or both, gets bored with the game and wants to change or stop, or even to heal themselves, they frequently end up Persecuting each other rather than seeking healthy ways of interacting. Any change can trigger a conflict because the "Game" and the "Rules" have changed. Both the Victim and the Rescuer have a vested interest in keeping this "Dysfunctional Game" going. If they end it and heal, who would they have to play with? Taking personal responsibility and identifying ones own innermost wants, needs and desires is not the strong point of any of the positions on the triangle.
What makes a person become part of victim triangle? Seeking acceptance, love, valuable, secure; in person’s journey seeking all these feelings, he/she starts to fall in victimize circle, a person tend to easily trapped in blaming situation, try to hide his/her feeling, opposite opinion, anything make him/her out of their community. But in this case no one push us to this game, in this case we are the victim, the Persecutor, and the rescuer in one person, the three roles in one character, they are in us. What I mean by this, we are the persecutor because we push ourselves to become slaves to our communities, then we feel victims to this communities to feel we can’t survive without its approval, we blame ourselves if we tried to do something different or disapprove on what is going on. We either continue like this, or in a turning point we stand up and become the rescuer to ourselves, we start questioning what we are doing to ourselves? For what use? Do I benefit anyone by playing these roles? Do I benefit myself? What will happen if I let go and lived spontaneously without taking any role of these triangle. How I can go out of this cycle? What will happen when I am out of this cycle? The turning point starts with self-awareness, with being honest to ourselves.
We need to know one more fact about ourselves while we observing what is happing inside us. As we can’t say it’s all related to our communities and what forces they put on us, actually in reality, the experience of complexity is not just a story about the world. It’s also story about the people. It’s a story about the fit between the demands of the world and the capacity of the person, or the organization. According to Robert Kegan & Lisa Laskow Lahey in “Immunity to Change” the world complexity we can’t change, and for long time science saw people complexity it’s impossible to change in adulthood. Now science proved that mental complexity tend to keep growing till old age not the twenties, they describe adult mental complexity in three plateaus;
|The socialized mindWe are shaped by the definitions and expectations of our personal environment.Our self-coheres by its alignment with, and loyalty to, that with which it identifies.This can express itself primarily in our relationships with people, with “schools of thought” (our ideas and beliefs) or both.|
|The self-authoring mindWe are able to step back enough from the social environment to generate and internal “seat of judgment” or personal authority that evaluates and makes choices about external expectations.Our self-coheres by its alignment with its own belief system/ideology/personal code; by its ability to self-direct, take stands, set limits, and create and regulate its boundaries on behalf of its own voice.|
|The self-transforming mindWe can step back from and reflect on the limits of our own ideology or personal authority; see that any one system or self-organization is in some way partial or incomplete; be friendlier toward contradiction and opposites; seek to hold on to multiple systems rather than projecting at but one onto the other.Our self-coheres through its ability not to confuse internal consistency with wholeness or completeness, and through its alignment with the dialectic rather that either pole.|
Society has programmed us with the dream of being rescued. Books and movies are filled with Victim-Rescuer stories like Cinderella, The White Knight on the White Horse, Superman and Rambo. Some people spend their entire lives waiting for someone or something external, such as the right relationship, marriage or even having a child, believing this will somehow magically fix everything, saving them and providing the perfect solution to all their problems. 
One of the most important equipment for a person to start search for the hero inside himself/herself, he/she needs to feel loved from inside. That’s why we need to know how to build love inside person, to feel it to get the strength to find what really inside himself/herself, how to remind or create love to trust himself/herself to stand up search for this hero inside himself/herself.
The question here how to build this love?
- First we need to build the mind in order to fight and rescue us from falling in victim triangle. In “The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari” by Robin S. Sharma he is talking about “Willpower” he says “truly enlightened people never seek to be like others. Rather, they seek to be superior to their former selves. Don’t race against others. Race against yourself”, he says “building self-control and discipline into your life will also bring you a tremendous sense of freedom. This alone will change things” what he means by self-control, to be proactive rather than reactive, to be not like seafoam pounding against a rocky shore, going in whatever direction the tide might take them. Building willpower will offer the person freedom, freedom is like a house you build it brick by brick, it gives person energy to act with courage, it gives you the control to live the life you have imagined rather than accepting the life that you have. One way the book suggests is to fill our mind with thoughts of courageous, try while you are walking to repeat this mantra at least 30 times a day “I am more than I appear to be, all the world’s strength and power rests inside me”. A sign of weak mind a body that can’t rest, try to set still in place for a while repeating this mantra. 
- “Having the courage to say NO to the little things in life will give you the power to say YES to the big things” maybe Robin Sharma, used this say in different to what I’m using, here I’m using as a way to differentiate between what we want and what we don’t want. If we learned to say to small things like no I don’t want eat By time when we are in position to say whether we want or don’t want something we have the courage to say it out loud without fear, to say our wishes. To love, cherish and appreciate ourselves.
- To feel valuable not only to ourselves but to others to the world we live in, the book give a suggestion, to perform some act of kindness and selfless service in person’s day, and not permit himself/herself to go to sleep if he/she didn’t perform this act in the day. Robin Sharma says a wonderful Chinese proverb “a little bit of fragrance always clings to the hand that gives you roses”.
- Robin Sharma asks a very powerful question, “What would you do if it was your last day?” by using this question I want the person to choose to do what he love, to choose to be happy.
- All above is pieces of puzzle and the final piece to find our purpose in life, while reading Deb.Knauft Coaching for Purpose Research Project Final and I encourage you to go and read http://forum.icoachacademy.com/discussion/126746/debknauft-coaching-for-purpose-research-project#latest I got the idea in order to build LOVE from inside the person; there is a very important element which is finding our purpose in life, to give meaning to our life.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why Mark Twain
In Debbi paper she talked about formulation “Gifts + Values + Passions = Purpose” where the seekers put all the pieces together in their own unique way
As you can see from the five steps we raised above, person will learn to love himself/herself, to know that love doesn’t mean to give all the time or take all the time. Love means the smart giving and taking, to feel confident. We can see people around us giving so much to others with an extend you want to stand up and say enough you have done so much, if you search behind their stories you may find that they do so because they want people to accept them and they may can’t have the self confidence that people would know them for their personalities not for what they offer them of services. Of course it’s not all cases, but I saw quite of these cases, and you can say I was one of them till recently I found the balance between giving and taking and that my presence with others can be as good for them as offering them materialistic help.
In order for person to find his/her purpose in life, they need to build love inside themselves, to seek happiness and to “realize that our purpose is not just about ourselves and those whom we are close to. Our purpose can serve the greater good of humanity and the world at-large. There is no limit to our purpose.
Once my coach told me, in order to feel balanced you need to have an aligned mind, heart and body. How it felt to have the three elements on one line? Its Walk the Talk, your actions are matched and in harmony with your mind and heart. Can you see and feel the balance and relief a person can be in?
These three elements were given different names; some called it (mind, heart, and body), (mind, soul, body). In Robert Kegan & Lisa Laskow Lahey, Immunity to Change book they refer to as (guts, head and heart and hand). They have conclude, a person starts taking action when these three components are aligned.
A prime source of this fire in the belly comes from feeling that if we don’t change, we are putting someone we love or something we care about in risk. Or seeing hope to move forward which is clear now than before. A third source of gut motivation can be the personal experience of deep discrepancy. 
Head and Heart: the work must simultaneously engage thinking and feeling. No amount of thinking or effort alone will be sufficient to solve an adaptive problem, since how we feel is inherent in the problem itself, meaning we can’t feel differently if we don’t know differently. We need a bigger emotional and cognitive space, one in which we experience that the internal conflicts and inconsistencies of our adaptive challenge are not inevitable and intractable. Tasting the possibility of living in a no less safe, but significantly larger space is intoxicating and a source of continued motivation to stay in the action and carry it through. 
Hand: the work is simultaneously about mindset and behavior, as Kant says “perception without conception is blind. In order the action or change we seek to be permanent and continue, we must join a change in behavior with a change in the way we think and feel, and in order to change the way we think and feel we need to change our mindset. 
Even how important to have (guts, head and heart and hand) aligned, a very important factor is missing, Society or environment which encourage your change. But if you ask me, I think it’s encouragble factor for faster and safe change.
In fact have you ever experienced a feeling of worry or fear or anger in your stomach, telling you something you don’t know what is it exactly. But it’s deep inside you, your intuition is telling you something, then you are starting thinking and feeling of what these fear comes from. And once you are settled and sure of what you want, you start discover and use all your resources to act and change what you want to change. Once you become sure of what you want nothing will change your mind, not society noting except yourself.
What elements we need in order to start and to continue discovering and trusting the HERO inside ourselves.
- Write on piece of paper your desires and goals, when we do so we send signals to the world to help us reaching these goals and desires.
- Acquire the self-transforming mind, as mentioned in page 8, “self-knowledge is the DNA of self-enlightenment”.
- Align guts, head heart and hand,
- Define and know your purpose in life. “The secret of happiness is simple: find out what you truly love to do and then direct all of your energy toward doing it”
- Appreciate and believe in yourself and your resources. “The only limits on your life are those that you set yourself, when you dare to get out of your circle of comfort and explore the unknown you start to liberate your true human potential”.
- Faith in God and his mysteriously work. “There are no mistakes in life, only lessons. There is no such thing as a negative experience, only opportunities to grow, learn and advance along the road of self-mastery. From struggle comes strength. Even pain can be a wonderful teacher”.
- No fear, worries or doubt of yourself and success. “Worry causes your precious mental energy and potential to leak, just like air leaking out of an inner tube. Soon you have no energy left”, “Fear is nothing more than a mental monster you have created, a negative stream of consciousness, it’s also a conditioned response: a life sucking habit that can easily consume your energy, creativity and spirit if you are not careful”, “the only thing standing between most people and their dreams is the fear of failure. Yet failure is essential to success in any endeavor. Failure tests us and allows us to grow. It offers us lessons and guides us along the path of enlightenment”.
- Building your willpower and to commit to success in discovering yourself and hero inside you. “Rose is very much like life: you will meet thorns along the way but if you have faith and believe in your dreams you will eventually move beyond the thorns into the glory of the flower”.
- Enjoy what you achieve even the baby steps you have. “Real source of happiness can start in a word: achievement. Lasting happiness comes from steadily working to accomplish your goals and advancing confidently in the direction of your life’s purpose”.
- Finally breath fill your lungs with fresh air, you will ask me what this has to do with what we are talking about, “To breath properly is to live properly”, “the fastest way to double or even triple the amount of energy you had is to learn the art of effective breathing”, “Most of us breath far too shallowly and in so doing, we fail to take in enough oxygen to run the body at an optimal level”, breath like babies do, you should move you belly slightly, when you do this you take more oxygen and you liberate your energy reserves along with your natural state of vitality.
Unlock the hero inside you and live happily ever after
Know God loves us the way he created us on, Not perfect, so don’t try to be perfect
Your perfection in not being perfect
 Robert Kegan & Lisa Laskow Lahey, Immunity to Change, Harvard Business Review Press, 72
 Richard Bach's famous quote from his book "Illusions"
 Robert Kegan & Lisa Laskow Lahey, Immunity to Change, Harvard Business Review Press, 12
 Robert Kegan & Lisa Laskow Lahey, Immunity to Change, Harvard Business Review Press, 17
 Robin S. Sharma, The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari, Harper Torch, 148 & 149 & 153
 Robin S. Sharma, The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari, Harper Torch,166
 Robin S. Sharma, The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari, Harper Torch, 174
 Robert Kegan & Lisa Laskow Lahey, Immunity to Change, Harvard Business Review Press, 211
 Robert Kegan & Lisa Laskow Lahey, Immunity to Change, Harvard Business Review Press, 214
 Robert Kegan & Lisa Laskow Lahey, Immunity to Change, Harvard Business Review Press, 217
 Robin S. Sharma, The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari, Harper Torch, 77
 Robin S. Sharma, The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari, Harper Torch, 55
 Robin S. Sharma, The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari, Harper Torch, 100
 Robin S. Sharma, The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari, Harper Torch, 46
 Robin S. Sharma, The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari, Harper Torch, 57, 101, 102 & 139
 Robin S. Sharma, The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari, Harper Torch, 60
 Robin S. Sharma, The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari, Harper Torch, 75
 Robin S. Sharma, The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari, Harper Torch, 112