A Coaching Model By Ulrike Heine, Expat and Mid-Life Coach, GERMANY
DARE to Have the Desire, to Analyze, Be Resilient, and Empowered
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. – Oscar Wilde
My coaching model is designed for people in midlife. Especially in midlife many experience a discrepancy between their goals and dreams and the life being led today. This coaching model is designed to become a happier and more content self.
DARE
D Desire
A Analise
R Resilience
E Empower
D – Desire
Everyone has a desire in life, a dream that is still there or has changed through the years, or seems impossible.
This step is about finding out what the goal/ desire is, and what the clients want to change to live a happier and fulfilled life. This is important for the coaching contract as well as for the session goal.
This step is crucial to determine the true desire since the challenge faced is often just the tip of the iceberg. More interesting for the coach is what lies beneath. Digging deeper into the desired outcome offers a more focused session and long-term change.
Helpful questions to help uncover what lies beneath and to separate the Who from the What might be:
- What makes X important? Or What makes X difficult?
- What else is coming to the surface?
- What does X mean to you?
- What is the experience for you when you have X?
A – Analise
The client is the master of her/his/their life but is not necessarily aware of which value or strength can help in certain situations.
The second step is finding out the strengths and values of the clients and their true or perceived weaknesses. Often a list of values can help the client to verbalize core values. It is very important to listen for underlying beliefs formed early on in life and might be of no service anymore and at the same time focus on strengths.
Weaknesses are only important if they hinder growth, whereas strength is the building block for growth.
Helpful questions might be:
- What needs to be addressed to achieve X?
- What might stand in the way?
- What will be different once you achieve X?
- What else is possible?
- On a scale from 1 to 10 where are you at this moment?
R – Resilience
Resilience means maintaining a positive mindset, being positive, having self-confidence as well as having the ability to learn and grow.
To support recognizing the unique capability to recover from challenges in life. Especially with life experience comes the strength to overcome obstacles using unique talents and strengths that might be forgotten. Reminding the client of their unique talents, and aligning them with core values can produce a shift of perspective. It is creating a different perspective to support change and growth.
Helpful questions might be:
- What strength do you have to help in this situation?
- How does this align with your values?
- What do you see if you look down on the situation from a rooftop?
- What would you say if a friend came to you with this question?
- If you come from a different perspective such as …..how do you see this challenge?
E – Empower
In psychology, empowerment stands for the ability to take control of your experience and focus on what you can change or improve.
To empower the client to recognize what is possible, encourage action by acknowledgment. Acknowledgment is not only encouraging but also motivating since it recognizes someone for something and states a truth, whereas praise is more patronizing.
Acknowledging feelings and strengths will support the action steps necessary to reach the desired goal.
Examples:
- It took a lot of courage to face X.
- A lot of hard work and thought went into X.
Empower and support the client to design action steps to ensure the desired outcome. Don’t forget that the client is the master of his/her own life and is capable of designing their action steps but might need support in verbalizing them. Clients will need to be sure of what needs to happen for them to reach their goals.
Questions:
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- What would be your next step?
- What would be an even smaller step?
- Which of your strengths can support you?
- How will you celebrate reaching this step?
The DARE Model Structure
Coaching people who experience their mid-life crisis should focus on discovering their purpose in life, motivation, and dealing effectively with confusion about goals and life.
Coaching is about well-being which is associated with joy. Through reflective questions, Coaching explores possible pathways directed by the client’s values and goals in a safe, non-judgmental environment. Coaching focuses on positive emotions to see more possibilities and get better clarity about oneself.
Remembering a time in life when the most joy was felt can be a useful tool- a coach can support their client in times when their joy falls below this level and work on bringing the level back up and when joy is above this line, to recognize what happened and to utilize this knowledge to grow.
A coach supports the client to find his/her/their way to deal with challenges, uncover what lies beneath, and formulate an action plan to reach his/her/their potential as well as grow as a person to feel happier and content.
Using the DARE model provides a structure to the coaching session so it is most valuable for the client.
Learn How to Create Your Own Coaching Model
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philosophies, and beliefs and must communicate who you will coach
and the problems you will solve. Read more about creating your coaching model
References
Franklin, Marion; The Heart of Laser-Focused Coaching, 2019
Passmore, Jonathan; The Coaches’ Handbook,2020
Steven Stosny, Ph.D. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anger-in-the-age-of-entitlement/202109/empowerment-and-the-meaning-of-life