- What are your core values? How do your actions reflect your values?
- What motivates you?
- Are you comfortable being who you are?
- What are you most afraid of?
- What are your strengths?
- When do you feel most vulnerable?
- When do you feel most proud?
- Who does the voice in your head sound like?
- Who do you look to for guidance?
- Do you act one way with one person and differently with another?
Equip the Client to Become Self-Decisive
After your client has gained self-awareness about living in Character instead of Identity you can use coaching tools to move him/her forward to becoming self-decisive. This simply means that the client generates options for how to proceed and then decides that works for their situation. Shifting from Character to Identity often means choosing to change a behavior or challenge an underlying belief or attitude that is no longer helpful. When a person looks for and finds their own solutions it gives them ownership of the action and the outcome. It also empowers them to see options more readily the next time they come to awareness about being in Character. Some powerful questions to ask to help the client move toward being self-decisive to live in Identity are:
- What are the consequences of this belief/behavior/core value?
- How is this belief/behavior/core value serving you?
- How is this belief/behavior/core value hurting you?
- What are you willing to give up to hold onto this belief/behavior/core value?
- What do you think needs to change to make this situation better?
- What would you do if you had no limitations?
- What would make you comfortable?
- When was a time you were proud of your actions?
- Can you imagine another way you could have handled the situation?
- Is there anything you can do to prepare for this happening again?
- When are you most vulnerable to this kind of belief/behavior?
- Being Self-Decisive:
- What is the best path forward?
- What do you think is the best course of action?
- What are you going to do?
- What is your plan?
- What option do you think will give you the result you need?
- Which way is the way forward?
- How will you act?
- What does it look like when you visualize your next step?
Encourage the Client to Take Self-Directed Action
Once the client has developed a list of options and decided on a course of action for moving into living in Identity, the coach’s job is to enthuse and encourage forward movement. In this step the client will likely feel anxiety about breaking away from past behaviors and/or beliefs. It may be difficult for the client to trust him/herself to have the strength to make the shift. We’ve all experienced how easy it is to say you believe something but continue to act in opposition to that belief. And it’s even easier is to hold onto a disempowering belief than to replace it with an empowering one. By providing accountability and encouragement, the coach can help strengthen the client’s commitment to action during this key phase. Powerful questions to ask in order to move the client to take action to live in Identity are:
- When will you implement these changes?
- What is your timeline for ending this behavior, relationship, job, etc?
- How can I support you?
- Would you like me to follow up with you in a few days?
- Is there someone else keeping you accountable?
- Who in your life will be supportive during this time?
- Who do you need to tell about these changes you’re making?
- How committed are you to making this change?
- Are you confident you can meet your goal?
Living in Character is trying to live life as someone else. When you live in Character, the world misses out on the unique talent, ability and perspective you have to offer. Living in Identity is being authentic and real and acting in alignment with your core values and beliefs so that the world can see you as you really are. By following the coaching process, the coach can help a client shift from living in Character to living in Identity.