COACH: Razan Kilani
CLIENT: June Hogan
In this video Merci Miglino, MCC, “stops the clock” to share her observations on the coaching as it maps against the ICF competencies. Watch the full video below and read the transcript.
Download the ICF Coaching Competencies to follow along.
Video Timestamp – 5:14
A. Setting the Foundation
2. Establishing the Coaching Agreement
Video Timestamp – 10:24
C. Communicating Effectively
6. Powerful Questioning
Video Timestamp – 18:21
C. Communicating Effectively
5. Active Listening
Video Timestamp – 23:57
D. Facilitating Learning and Results
8. Creating Awareness
In this transcript Merci identifies elements of the coaching session that map across the ICF competencies. These highlights are extremely valuable to anyone wanting to improve their coaching or apply for an ICF credential.
Click here to get a copy of the annotated transcript
Razan: Hello June
June: Hello Razan
Razan: Welcome. Before we start I would like to remind you that everything you discuss with me will be very confidential and feel free to interrupt me or say anything, or if you feel uncomfortable sharing a particular point please feel free to always share your feelings around that.
June: Okay, sounds good.
Razan: Okay, so how can I help you today?
June: Well this is something that has been on my mind for a while now. So at the end of March, after three years in America, we are going to move back to England as a family. We have known about this for a while and on Friday the guy came out to survey all our furniture and started talking about when we need to pack up and all that kind of stuff, and it all just started to feel really real and overwhelming. There is so much around the practical side of moving and then there is the emotional side of moving. It is all about how do I manage the children and how do we still have fun in the three months we have left. I’m feeling like there is just so much to do. It isn’t that I don’t know where to start because I have ideas of what needs to be done. However, it is the last thing I think about when I go to sleep and it is the first thing I think about when I wake up so I am just wanting to work through how can I feel less overwhelmed and more in control of the whole thing.
Razan: So what I heard from you, and you can correct me if I am wrong, is that after years, three years in the US you are moving back to the UK and I am sensing also that you are feeling overwhelmed with the idea of the change and you feel confused about how to manage the children, and how to do everything in order for you to still have fun while still packing up and selling everything and getting ready to move. Is that right?
June: Yes. Yes it just feels like there is so much and whilst my husband is very supportive he is at work all day and I don’t expect him to be doing all this stuff.
Razan: If you see my face going down I am just writing some comments that will help me stay in tune with what you are sharing with me. So, do you feel your husband being supportive is a positive thing in this move?
June: Yeah, he is very supportive and when we came here the two of us worked it out, we got everything ready and did a great job of the planning and the actual action. He is really good at the doing if you like, so I kind of plan stuff and then maybe get frustrated when he is not doing stuff, but he is the one that will just get on with it and then just do it when it needs doing. So, I guess that I know everything will get done because we have a fixed deadline. We fly out of the US on the 1st April so that is it. But I am thinking about trying to do things in the right way and make sure that we leave in the right way and it is not chaotic and when we get to the other end it is not chaotic as well. This is our life at the end of the day and taking three months out or another month when you get back, it is all just time when you are not doing any of the normal things in life.
Razan: So what I just heard from you is that you do trust your husband’s abilities just like yours in being able to do everything needed in the right time in order to have a smooth travel back home. Is that right?
June: Yes, I know that we will work together as a team.
Razan: So I am just curious, what has caused you to go back home?
June: My husband’s job has changed. We always knew we would be here for three years, so we have known about this but it just all seems very real now.
Razan: So, I am sensing that this may play a part in the feelings that you are experiencing right now.
June: Yeah it is strange because I always knew it was coming and now that it is real it is difficult to process everything and think about how we are going to end one life that we have here and go back to the life we had in England so it is quite final.
Merci: Stop the clock! So, what we have observed so far is first of all, and very important, is the setting and parameters for establishing confidentiality. Razan meets the ethical guidelines and establishes them and gets agreement from her client. So, I also noticed that we are beginning to establish the coaching agreement. The coach is helping this client to find what the client believes she needs to address, or resolve in order to achieve what it is she wants to accomplish. That’s really how a coaching session begins to establish the agenda, which is the agenda that the client sets and the coach follows, supports and facilitates, so well done there. You can go back to your last thoughts there, Razan.
Razan: Okay, so I would like to invite you to do this visualisation exercise with me. Would you like to do that?
June: Yeah sure.
Razan: Right. In your hands right now I would like to invite you to imagine you have a magic wand and if you could just shake it and wish for something to happen what would it be?
June: Yes that is a good question because I think maybe what I would want is to have more of a plan as to what it is that I am trying to achieve in the next three months and why I am doing that so that I know that when we get back to England some of the things I am doing now aren’t just about practical packing stuff up. I want to be doing it for a reason and I guess I have got a plan in mind as to what I need to do and why I need to do it. At the moment it just feels like there is all this stuff and it is not structured and it is just overwhelming – so I would want to wave the wand and say here’s the plan, here’s what you need to do and why. And I guess to think about some of the things that I want to do when we get back to England because at the moment it feels like the 1st April comes and everything drops off a cliff and suddenly we are back in England, but I don’t really know what I am going to be doing there, so that’s an uncertainty I guess. So I would use the wand to get rid of that uncertainty as well.
Razan: So, with what you are sharing with me, I am sensing that most of your obstacles are emotionally based, is that right?
June: Yeah, I guess so. Some of it is around having the time to do all this stuff I have to do. Because it is not just a straightforward moving house from this one to the one across the street y’know, we are moving countries and moving our lives. I think maybe the emotional things are dragging me down and making me feel that I can’t do all of this stuff when in reality I know that I can but the emotions are getting in the way.
Razan: Okay, so I heard you say that if you managed to put together a plan then this might help you dispatch some of the confusion and the feeling of being overwhelmed and distressed that has been going on in your life right now.
June: Yeah, I have made lists of stuff and written things down but it is all a bit kind of all over the place so maybe if I could pull it all together and just see everything that is on there it would either help me or frighten me. It is that structure I guess that I am thinking about. When I just did that visualisation then thinking about what am I going to do when I get back to England - I have no idea! Obviously the kids will go to school and my husband will go to work but at the moment I don’t know what I am going to do.
Merci: Stop the clock! Alright, some powerful questioning. One of the questions that Razan asked the client actually got June thinking. She didn’t have a ready answer and so that is a powerful question because what we are doing is really inviting the client to think beyond their current circumstances or their current perspective. The other thing I noticed was the attention to coach presence, which is sometimes hard to describe, but what I noticed was the coach is partnering with the client by supporting the client to choose what happens in the session. So, she brings up a plan and we go with the plan, when she is talking about wanting to have some plans but maybe it is that I haven’t thought about what is on the other side. We are really going along, we are not pushing back or taking her off course and yet it is moving her forward, so I wanted to note those competencies. Okay back at you guys.
Razan: Fantastic June. So I would like to invite you to look at your hands right now and I would like to invite you to imagine that the plan that you need is right there. The entire clippings on which you have written the list are there. What does it look like?
June: I think it looks like a big list of practical things but it also has a list of things that I want to achieve before I leave and thinking about how to leave in the right way. So how to say goodbye to people, thinking about how to stay in touch with people, thinking about the children and what do they want out of the next three months, how will we work on them saying goodbye. So it is a list of all the things like sort out the furniture, sell some things, give to the thrift store, all those kind of practical things. But my plan also has things that we want to experience as a family before we go and how to say goodbye I think is on there as well.
Razan: So it sounds like your plan is a timeframe prior to moving and after moving, right?
June: Yeah, I think in terms of after moving, it looks blank at the moment because I haven’t really started to think about that and now that we are talking I am thinking about if I had that planned for after we get back, that might help me to structure things and think about why I am doing what I am doing now. I don’t want to get back to England and spend another month unpacking my stuff because that is time when I want to be seeing my friends again or my family or looking for a job or whatever it might be. So I need to have some structure for when we get back as well.
Razan: Fantastic. So usually when you do your plans do you start with easy and more manageable stuff or are you usually better starting with the end in mind and working your way backwards?
June: I guess I like to do the easy things because it makes you feel like you are doing something, like you are achieving something. Although I do like to think about what I am trying to achieve as well so I guess a mix really. But I haven’t had any time to think about what I want to achieve so I think the reason I am feeling out of control is because I have got all these little things and it feels like it is too much because there is no objective in mind. So that is probably where I need to start.
Razan: And have you done previous moves in your life before as a family? Have you moved around?
June: No, just the once to come here.
Razan: Alright. So I would also like to ask you to close your eyes if you feel comfortable to do that and imagine that all this has passed and it is six months after you have reached back home. You are back home, you have settled and I have come to visit you. I have just rung the bell and you are opening the door for me. How does your house back home look like?
June: Well all the boxes will be packed away, because if it is six months I will be going insane (laughs), the children are happy in school, we have maybe done some decorating just to make it feel a bit different because it is the same house that we left, so maybe just to make it feel like there has been a change. My husband will be happy in work and I am happy - and I am not sure what that means but in terms of I have either got a job or I am coaching or I am doing both. I guess that we are just all feeling settled and the things that we have in the house are things that we need rather than stuff we have just accumulated over three years that just doesn’t have anywhere to fit.
Razan: So, if I ask you, how did everything go when you were packing in the US? What happened after that and how did you manage up to this point?
June: So, do you mean how did I manage to unpack or to get to the six months?
Razan: All the things that you have spoken about today. How did it go?
June: To have done it properly I will have needed to have focused on what needed to be done but also maintain balance with everything else and not just become consumed by packing boxes and de-cluttering stuff. At the moment I am consumed by all this and I am not thinking about the bigger picture maybe.
Razan: What I really like about what you shared in the exercise is that your outlook was a positive one. So despite the discomfort I am sensing right now, I feel that you are still keeping this optimistic vision around the future. Is that right?
June: Yeah, I think I am a naturally optimistic person which helps and, as sad as it will be to leave everything behind, there are lots of things to look forward to and it is about making the most of the opportunity. So I am sure there will be times when we will not be happy and smiley but that is the case wherever you live in the world. I want to be positive about the experience that we have had but also the things we have to look forward to.
Merci: Stop the clock! This is a great example of creating awareness for a client. Under creating awareness there are certain things that show up. One of them is that the coach uses questions, intuitions and observations which have the potential to create new learning for the client. So, we are starting to see, just through the invitation of what will it look like when you are there - I rang the doorbell and what did you feel when you answered? We are encouraging new awareness, new perspectives to come out which maybe, hopefully, gain some clarity or momentum for the client. So, I just wanted to point that out, creating awareness. You can resume.
Razan: Alright, so, so far, what I am getting is that despite you feeling overwhelmed and somehow sad that you are leaving the US, you have summarised your general needs in one point, which is to have a plan in order for you and your family to make sure that you don’t miss out on any right step in terms of organising everything. This includes selling out the furniture and packing and saying goodbye to friends and seeing the places that you wish to see with your family before you make the move and then when you get there it seems like that is the other part of the plan. It may not look clear but I am sensing that you are keeping up your level of optimism about what to expect from the future and you are foreseeing almost your kids in school, your husband back to work and you having to choose to do what you wish to be doing in the future when you are back home Is that right?
June: Yeah, it is funny to hear it reflected back because at the start of the call I was just overwhelmed by this list of stuff that I had to do, but I can see now how it fits into a plan. I think the thing I am still unsure about is what do I do when I get back. So when you ring the doorbell in six months’ time, what is it that I will have done apart from unpacking all these boxes and maybe painted some of the rooms of the house. I think that is what I need to work on. But it does feel like all of this stuff fits into a bigger picture which I couldn’t really see before. It just felt like a list of all these things to do and it wasn’t really going to get me anywhere. So, yeah it is such a big thing that I think it is natural to feel overwhelmed. I think, now that we are talking, that if I write down all my plans and share them with my husband then he will feel more involved and I will feel like he understands that these things are important to me and if he hadn’t thought about them then we can do things together, work it out together.
Razan: Well it sounds like you have got two clear action steps. The first is to create a plan that is divided between before the move and after the move and the second action step is to share it with your husband, just so you can guarantee who is going to do what and you don’t miss out on any stuff. Is that right?
June: Yeah, I have my list and he has his list and we perhaps haven’t shared with each other.
Razan: Teamwork right.
Razan: Well if I may ask you what are your two top favourite colours?
June: Blue and red maybe.
Razan: And which one do you prefer the most?
Razan: Right, so how about - and this is just an idea and it is up to you. How about writing that part before the move in blue. All of the actions that you need to do, you and your husband prior to the move. And then probably use the red to list all the action steps for the things you and your husband need to do after the move. How about that?
June: Well I don’t even have a plan for after the move so that is something I need to work on so…Yeah, well squeezing all our stuff back into our English house is going to be tricky (laughs).
Merci: Stop the clock! Thanks to our client June. Well our time is up and I know we didn’t come to a complete end but we did see managing progress, we did see planning and goal setting as competencies, the coach here helps the client identify what success is going to look like and what is important to her about that. I think the coach is really assisting this client in reflecting how she has progressed from ‘I don’t know where to begin’ to ‘maybe I need to think a bit like and a and b and get resources such as my husband involved in it’. So, the bottom line is we saw a nice partnering, the coach is partnering with the client to progress, to move forward. So nicely done. Razan, any competencies stick out to you?
Razan: It is powerful listening because I felt that June needed extra time to think further and to contemplate, because it seemed to me that she had fixed thoughts and questions about things and as I was asking her she was reflecting further. So I was trying to invite her with that safe space for her to continue doing that in order to facilitate her learning process.
June: Yeah and well done. Thank you very much for being part of Stop the Clock. Take care.
Razan and June: Thank you.
About Razan Z. Kilani, PCC
Razan Kilani is a passionate Emotional Intelligence Coach. Happily married and a proud mom of 2 beautiful kids. Razan holds MA in Media and Cultural Studies (Bristol/ UK).
Razan lived in England, Switzerland, Canada and Jordan, and speak four languages. Her coaching work centers around heightening the individuals’ awareness around their lives, connecting with their true selves, encouraging them to bravely discover who they are, tune into their inner wisdom, and becoming aware their own responsibilities in life, and the choices they are making, and whether or not they are supporting their own journey to achieve their goals.
Prior to working as a Certified Professional Coach, She is also trained as an Emotional Intelligence Trainer (Six Seconds), and worked in PR, copyrighting, advertising and marketing. Owner of Wisdom Within Consultancy, and the owner of the FB pages Mommy Ring, Ummahat Amman, and Coach Razan Kilani). Her work lately has catered to concerns and worries of women, moms and their children.
Lives: Amman, JORDAN
Joined Faculty: August 2017