The main question I want to focus on today came out of one of our classes on the topic of blame vs responsibility. So what is blame and how do you help a client who may be stuck in a cycle of blame? We do have a topic here at ICA which we teach you in our coach training programs about responsibility vs blame. So when we’re looking at this, we’re looking at what are two different ends of the coin? Blame being maybe the negative and disempowering side and responsibility being the place where we all want to be. You know when you’re working with a client and they’re stuck. They’re stuck in a blame cycle, blaming themselves, blaming others around them, usually it is mostly just about ourselves.
Now, there are only three options when you are playing the victim:
- You are bad or wrong.
- Someone else is bad or wrong
- The situation is bad or wrong or out of control.
So really as you can see, there are no one winners. It’s really a no-win situation. So when we’re looking at the flip side of blame, I only think it comes down to forgiveness, forgiving yourself. It’s not so much that you did anything wrong or did anything bad or you have thought wrong, it’s more of a sense of taking on the responsibility that you have complete control and nothing is negatively being put upon you other than your own thinking, your own doing.
There are four tips that I want to share with you that really get down to how to stop playing the victim.
- Know that no one can make you feel anything without your permission. You have complete control. So only if you give your permission can this happen to you.
- Understand that responsibility is a privilege and start becoming responsible for yourself. Often when the blaming takes over, is that we do understand that there is a possibility and then we begin to panic. We may not be sure of ourselves on how to move forward, so we kind of go to a place of negativity rather than the possibility but understand that you have the responsibility.
- Accept that you are human and you will make mistakes and that’s okay. And actually, I think in life, the whole purpose is to make a mistake so you can learn from it. So give yourself a break, don’t blame.
- Realize that not making a choice is a choice. This is a theme that I work with all my clients on a continuous basis, that by not making a choice, you are making a choice, you’re choosing the blame game. So make a choice. It is up to you. Take responsibility and only allow things through your own permission. So responsibility vs blame. So stop playing the blame game.
A few other questions that were asked in our class this week…
- How do you make a living as a coach?
- What are the possibilities of earning potentials, say a year out, three years out, five years out as a professional coach?
- How do I know if I’m meant to be a coach?
- How important it was to become certified or credentialed as a coach for Executive Coaches?
So we covered these questions, covered the questions of blame vs responsibility and many other topics of conversation. So if you are interested in coming and being part of this conversation, sign up out for our next Coaching 101 classes next week and join our training team as we dig into the topics of coaching and the coaching industry.