When we “tell” people the answer, we are simply enabling them to rely on us for the answer. We don’t allow them to stretch their minds and learn to work more independently. We create teams of people who rely on the leader to know what to do, how to act, and how to respond. The end result is the manager feels overwhelmed by the needs of their employees and they end up doing instead of leading!
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.
Chinese Proverb
Coaching to counsel?
Managers usually recognize that their employees need training when they start a new job or take on new duties or responsibilities. If the employee does not perform well after they are trained, the manager either provides more training (telling) or counsels the employee for performing poorly. What managers fail to realize is that employees want to perform well. They don’t intentionally perform poorly. Poor performance is typically a result of a misunderstanding or the lack of a skill.
It must be demoralizing to be chastised for something you’ve done when all you might have needed was a clarification.
Coaching while counseling will help a manager understand why an employee is performing poorly or behaving a certain way. Coaching may help underlying issues emerge. For example, an employee may be intimidated by the complexity of a task. The fear can be so overwhelming that it generates counterproductive work behaviors such as procrastination or avoidance. Instead of a manager counseling an employee for not getting a project done, they might consider coaching the employee to determine the underlying reasons why the project was not completed and help them work through the real issues that are in the way.
I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
Maya Angelou
Learning to coach?
It’s important for leaders of people to learn how to coach their team properly. Some coaching skills and attributes are inherent in leaders, and others require instruction and lots of practice. A wide variety of qualities are needed to coach successfully. Below is a list of ten qualities that are found in a good coach/teacher:
- Listens effectively to both verbal and non-verbal communications ~ Effective listening gives people an often rare opportunity to think through situations for themselves, with the coach providing complete objectivity, undivided attention and unparalleled support.
- Questioning skills ~ The style of questioning used may be dependent on the individual being coached, but the aim should be to challenge the client, test their perceptions and stretch the client to reach desired goals and courses of action. Incisive and though provoking questions can lead to real long lasting breakthroughs in behavior and beliefs for someone.
- Motivational ~ A good coach needs to be able to inspire their clients to push themselves to achieve their goals. Without motivation from their coach it proves difficult to gain commitment to specific courses of action.
- Rapport building ~ The ability to put people at ease is a vital ingredient of a successful coaching session. Establishing trust and understanding in the relationship encourages the person to open up and talk through their hopes, fears and anxieties, safe in the knowledge they are in a secure, friendly and supportive environment.
- Curiosity and flexibility ~ Unlike other disciplines coaching is a client led experience and is heavily influenced by the client’s feelings and emotions surrounding situations. A coach needs to have the curiosity and desire to understand what drives and motivates people and the flexibility to react appropriately to different views and beliefs.
- Display honesty and integrity ~ A coach needs to be able to tell their client what they need to hear rather than what they want to hear, with the client understanding they are in a completely confidential relationship.
- Having a passion for coaching ~ Passion drives people, inspires people and draws people to cause and activities. A passionate coach is engaged, enthusiastic and eager to help others. Without a passion for coaching you are not a coach, you are merely going through the motions.
- Self-Awareness ~ A good coach knows their own style/approach well enough to filter their own responses, and keep focused on their coachee’s needs. The coach needs to remain objective in the process as the session belongs to the client and not the coach.
- Emotional intelligence ~ An understanding of the impact you can have on others, and how to adapt your style to best suit the individual you are working with. Having a variety of tools and techniques at your disposal is a huge asset as a coach cannot afford to sue a “one size fits all” approach. People have different needs and a successful coach needs to offer the flexibility to help the client maximize on the experience.
- Consistently seeks to improve and develop their own skill set and knowledge ~ Bearing in mind the previous point, challenging yourself to grow is an important factor in continuing to provide the best possible experience for your clients.
Here are some questions to consider:
- What are you doing to develop your skill set?
- Which of the above qualities do you feel you need help in improving?
- If you were to ask your team, employees or clients, what would they say?
I never cease to be amazed at the power of the coaching process to draw out the skills or talent that was previously hidden within an individual, and which invariably finds a way to solve a problem previously thought unsolvable.
John Russell, Managing Director, Harley-Davidson Europe Ltd.
References
Eshleman, John W. “If Telling Were Teaching…” Behaviorology Today, Volume 5, Number 1, Spring 2002
Darnell, Brent. “The Future of Learning and Coaching” The Evolllution, March 28, 2012, http://www.evolllution.com/program_planning/the-future-of-learning-and-coaching/
Willis, Brian. “Teaching vs. Telling” Winning Mind Training, September 11, 2011, http://www.winningmindtraining.com/teaching-vs-telling/
Curwin, Dr. Richard. “Telling Isn’t Teaching: The Fine Art of Coaching, Edutopia, April 4, 2012, http://www.edutopia.org/blog/telling-isnt-teaching-richard-curwin
Yount, Dr. Rick, “Teaching vs. Telling” Called to Teach, April 20, 2011,
Proverbs 1:5, The ESV Bible, Good News Publishers, Text Edition 2007
Institute of Leadership & Management, “Defining Coaching” What is Coaching?, http://www.i-l-m.com/about-ilm/9930.aspx
Morgan, Kim, “Ten Qualities of a Coach” Barefoot Coaching Ltd, February 28, 2012, http://www.barefootcoaching.co.uk/blog/2012/02/ten-qualities-coach