The first session revealed many things about the family:
- A very close knit and loving family, yet stuck in the constraints and norms of being in the Indian society as Raj wanting his son to go into business studies and for his daughter to settle down after graduating - a very common cultural trait seen in many Indian families
- Bau-ji has struggled in life and is feeling the loneliness since his wife's passing and has no aim or objective to life anymore.
- Raj and Priya have a solid relationship however have not appeared to delve into what each other's dreams are due to the continuous responsibilities held upon them over the years.
- Priya is a wonderful mother who has stopped her own life for her family. She herself stopped pursuing dance as in Indian Punjabi families, a daughter in law who dances is not deemed as a 'respectful' role and is looked 'down upon'. More so Priya didn't continue further studies or employment as she got settled into marriage straight after graduating.
- Serena needs guidance on what to do with her life, without being pressured to conform to society and cultural norms of marriage after graduating.
- Jay is the one person in the family who is very clear on what he wants at such a young age and appears to be following his heart.
HOW THE SESSIONS PROGRESSED
Over the 10 sessions over with the family, each member was using the coaching differently, but there was certainly a huge positive change in the attitude towards coaching compared to the first session. Raj and Bau-ji were enjoying it, though never really opened up much, and it soon became a time where the family began to simply ‘be’ together. I applied various coaching techniques over the weeks:
- Powerful listening and questioning - asking relevant questions to each family member and also asking the family to ask questions to each other which they have always wanted to.
- Identifying Values & Group exercise - including doing an activity where each member of the family listed their dreams and shared their values with each other. The aim of this exercise was for each member of the family to have a better understanding of each other on a human level, rather than viewing the role the other person holds in their life.
- Visualisation techniques - each member was to describe what they want in their life and they all used various approaches. Bau-ji used a simple approach of singing one of his favourite songs of his wife (here I realised that music is in the blood of the family). Jay used music to illustrate his dream whereas Priya shared an old dance video with the family. This was an absolutely amazing session where it really felt coaching was taking place at the true core of it.
- Identifying learning style - throughout the process, we began to identify key learning styles for Jay and Serena as both are in a stage of their life where they are stepping into new areas.
- Discussing the roles and responsibilities - in family coaching, it's important to identify the roles each plays in the family and the responsibilities it holds and the perspective of others on them. Priya was a key demonstrator of her different roles she plays in the family, as a wife, daughter-in-law, mother. Raj didn't really open up to this. Bau-ji identified himself as one who is the most experienced and one who expects to be treated with the utmost respect.
- Power tool - Responsibility and Blame - there were certain times where blame came up in the coaching session by Priya - faulting her husband and father in law for not allowing her to work and purse further studies, but also blame to her mother and father for getting her married at a young age. At a young age, Priya had many responsibilities thrust upon her where it was an age where she was learning to discover herself. This was something that was new knowledge to her husband as this had never been spoken about before. Raj expected that Priya was happy the way she was as she had never mentioned her inner feelings to him.
Though there is still a lot to explore within the family, the sessions helped the family members to begin to understand each other on a deeper level. From 3 different generations, it was clear that coaching helped Priya and Jay, moreso than Raj, Serena and Bau-ji. There is so much to explore within this family, but at this stage, there has been definite positive changes as all began to realise that one core family value that they all had in in common was music and it was amazing that Jay was being prevented to continue this further and Priya had to stop her dance. Priya is now beginning to explore her real passion of dance with the support of her family, as the support is imperative to her. Serena, Raj and Bau-ji have not really individually opened to coaching fully, but they are open to being part of the sessions and will continue to explore this coaching it has helped them to understand their mother, wife, daughter-in-law Priya much deeper who holds such a core standing in the family.