Appendix A.

How Coaching Supports the Stay at home mother

The coach is a partner for the mother, acknowledging her, encouraging her and helping her to find herself in this new role. The coach can help the mother to identify her strengths and values and help her grow by leveraging from them. The coach can help her to shed her feelings of guilt, increase her self-care and embrace the role of stay at home mother.

Self esteem

The Coach can help the mother get a good grip on the profound psychological differences between work inside and outside the home. As mentioned above, work outside of the home usually revolves around firm schedules, money and productivity, with relatively short term quantitative goals. Contrast this to the at home job with children which is solitary and informal, is intimate and emotional with long term qualitative goals. The coach can help the client shift her perspective when it comes to how success is measured. By acknowledging the mothers achievements, and helping her to recognize them, more energy can be generated.

The task of building self-esteem can be as easy as creating more positive images of oneself, which then promotes more constructive internal dialogue and behavior (Smollen 2006, pg 104)

Self-Care

Self-care goes hand in hand with shedding the guilt. The coach can help the mother to see that she can be a better care giver if she is looking after herself.

The reality is, you can’t take good care of others until you stand strong on your own two feet. This requires taking excellent care of yourself, asking for help when you need it, saying no to what is not on your highest priorities list, and remaining committed to living your best life (Simpson, 2006 p.53)

The coach reminds the mother that while her children are a priority in her life, they don’t define her – that she has a life outside of them. The coach can help her to find solutions that allow her time for herself which are compatible with child rearing.

Values and priorities identification

The coach can help the mother to identify her values and assess if she is living her life according to her values.

Many of our personal and parenting choices today are driven by the culture we live in, the outside world, rather than by our true values and beliefs, the inside world (Simpson, 2006 p.2).

By helping the client to identify her values, and help her make some changes in her life to better align with these values, will result in her living a more authentic life. The coach can help the client to identify where she spends her time and energy, and see if they are in alliance with her values. See Appendix B and C for a values and priorities worksheet.

Dealing with feelings of dependency

According to Lynn Hofer, a psychotherapist and research associate at Cornell University,

Today it takes a strong marriage for people to live on one income. Often it is not just a question of whether there is really enough money for young couples to live on, but rather who has control over that money (Quoted by Runin, 1984 P. 28-29)

The coach can help the mother to find a solution in terms of the family money management which resonates with her. By helping her see that her work has a monetary value, (cost of childcare and housework) even though she is not being paid, this would help her to not view herself and be treated as a nonproductive member of the household. This could help keep an even balance of power in the marriage. In a survey conducted by Salary.com, they calculated that on average, the work a mother does is good for an annual salary of $112,962. (Salary.com)

Isolation

As mentioned previously, the former professional will no longer have colleagues and it could prove difficult to actively maintain her pre children friendships. The coach can encourage her to find solutions to address this. By attending group coaching sessions, the mother could see that she is not alone with her doubts and frustrations, and take comfort in knowing this. There are support groups and play groups which could also be explored as options for the client.

Conclusion

Motherhood is such a wonderful experience, but transitioning from the professional world to the home can be challenging. By working with a coach, the mother is provided with an opportunity to talk to someone who will fully supports her, is nonjudgmental, hears what she is truly saying, fully understands her needs , gets to the root cause of the areas in which she feels dissatisfied and helps her begin to feel truly fulfilled across all key aspects of your life.

Negative emotions by motherhood status

Appendix A – Gallup Survey

Negative emotions by motherhood status
Appendix B– Values Worksheet (Simpson, 2006 p.15)

1. What qualities do you most resect in yourself and in others?
2. What are some ways you can enhance these qualities in your life?
3. What are some of your fondest memories as a child, and what values do they reflect? How can some of these values by reflected in your adult life? How can they be reflected in your children’s lives?
4. What do you really want your children to remember about their childhoods?
5. If you want to develop and maintain close relationships with your children, how do your behaviors encourage this?
6. Do you value having a strong, mutually beneficial and enjoyable relationship with your spouse/partner? If so, how do your behaviors consistently reflect this value?

Negative emotions by motherhood status
Appendix C – Priorities list (Simpson, 2006 p.20)

Spend some time brainstorming and then write how you would ideally spend your time in the following areas:

• Self-care
• Personal Growth
• Paid or volunteer work
• Children’s personal growth
• Quality time with spouse or partner
• Quality time with children/family
• Spiritual development
• Interests and passions
• Social support
• Having fun
• Other priorities

Negative emotions by motherhood status

Bibliography

Belkin, Lisa 2003. The Opt-Out Revolution. New York Times Magazine (October 26 )42-47, 58, 85-86
Crittenden Ann, 2001 The Price of Motherhood, Why the Most Important Job in the World is Still the Least Valued. Henry Holt and Company.
Runin, Nancy 1984 The Mother Mirror New York G.P. Putnam’s Son
Sanders, Darcie and Bullen, Martha M. 2005 Staying Home: From Full-time Professional to Full-Time Parent Spencer & Waters
Schlessinger Laura Dr., 2009. In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms. Harper Collins
Simpson, Bria 2006 The Balaced Mom, New Harbinger Publications, Inc
Smollen, Anne M. 2006, Missing in Action, How Mothers Lose, Grieve and Retrieve Their Sense of Self, iUniverse, Inc.
Stone, Pamela. 2007. Opting out? Why Women Really Quit Careers and Head Home.
Berkeley: University of California Press.

http://www.empoweringmums.co.uk/index.php
http://www.gallup.com/poll/154685/stay-home-moms-report-depression-sadness-anger.aspx
http://www.salary.com/stay-at-home-mom-infographic/