A Research Paper By Soraya Ho Sing Loy, Life Coach, TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO
On hearing I had to do a research paper for the completion of my ICA certification, I opted to interview Top ICA graduate, International Best Selling Author, and My Coach Samantha Buckley Hugessen
International Best Selling Author, and My Coach Samantha Buckley Hugessen Interview
This is the transcribed version of our ZOOM meeting:
Samantha, I am so grateful that you agreed to my interview. I am so excited and nervous at the same time, as I complete my program with the person who made it all possible.
Soraya, I like that you are showing up imperfectly, and I’m honored to have this interview.
You nailed it, I’m all of the above. There’s not one role better than the other. Although I’m not Betty Crocker, I’m a great mom, a loving wife, and a Coach … they are all number one roles in my life. They are all “And, not Or’s.
You have accomplished so much. Do you mind sharing some of the significant steps you took to get to this point of a Successful Transformational Coach, and Author? I recall getting your information from a friend, and after only 2 Coaching Sessions, I was able to change my perspective, and move from being the Victim to Victor !!!
Um, look at you now!
What made you want to help others move from significant to lightness?
Becoming a Life Coach
That was quite a journey. I always wanted to help others. It came from being a child … not liking conflict, wanting good, and things to be easy. I just don’t like conflict. That’s the number one reason. I want people to be happy. Happy feels way better than unhappy. Success feels way better than unsuccessful.
So then you start going down those paths, I will tell you that it’s mostly from my dysfunctional childhood, the lack of guidance, my lack of having security and safety. All those things lead me to a place where I could create it for myself.
Back then, people would say to me “you’re such a survivor“, and I hate that word. Don’t get me wrong, I admire the Cancer Survivor, but when it comes to your personal life, I prefer to energize the “Thrive”. I am grateful for everything that brought me to the place where I am today.
So let’s backtrack. Every job I’ve ever had as an adult has been in the energy of giving or service. Weight Loss, Dating Service, Trainer, and Teacher. These are all the things I did because I wanted people to have better, and happier lives. It was always:
“what can I do to help others have a happier life”? So that leads me to the move to becoming a Life Coach.
I was already training skills to people in business and wanted to help them transform their personal lives. I didn’t want to talk to a room of 100 people, and say “ok, do you understand this“? “If you do this, you’ll get the results“. I wanted to dive in, work from home, and be a present mom. I knew I could do it. My motivation behind it was really to work from home, so I can drive my kids to school, pick them up, and be a present mom. There you go.
Wow!!! I see one of your sons is off to college.
Yes, they are both doing great. I’m such a proud mom. They are thriving.
Being an International Best Selling Author on Amazon
That’s awesome. You are awesome. You are also an international best selling author on Amazon, with your book “UNS*UCK YOURSELF“
the guide to designing a life you love. In the book, you clearly outline simple steps one can take to shift from being OK, to becoming great. In chapter four, you explain how we can decide, and then take an action step … two essential things I know are needed for being a success.
Quoted from your book:
- “What CAN I do about this situation right now”?
I can ask for help. I can bless it. I can lean into it. I can decide not to be involved. I can …
- “What actions can I take from the directions of this”?
I can put the task on my calendar, to work on it head-on. I can read the book, and do the research. I can visualize the desired result … (Page 63) As a matter of fact, I often quote from your book when working with my clients.
I love you for that. That rocks my world. That’s why I wrote the book. I want to change lives, inspire, and give the tools to help change lives.
People would come to my office and I’d say, okay what are we gonna talk about today? What’s going on with you? They would almost always say “I am STUCK“
I remember being there and as your client, one of the most life-changing questions you asked me was “what can you do from where you are, with what you have”?
Pause – As Samantha shows me a plaque with that question.
I live what I preach and teach. None of us are powerless. We were created right in the perfect image of that which we believe. Do you know what I mean? Like if it’s science if it’s God,
Buddha, whatever it is. We are all given our unique special amazing gifts.
I do not believe we were put here to be miserable. So I think the power is always within us to do, and be, and give, and live. You just need someone’s voice, because I didn’t makeup all this.
I didn’t invent what’s in the book, I just expressed it the way I learned it, and I’ve used it so I might say it a bit differently.
I think this was one of my motivations when I first became a coach. I remembered saying to myself “God coach talk“, I will never talk like that! I am not going to use any Buzz words … and you know what I mean. I stayed pretty true to that.
Yes, I remember your effective coaching sessions.
Effective Coaching Sessions Strategies
I wrote the book to help people. The same reason I became a life transformational coach, and do group sessions, so I wasn’t standing In front of the people that my employer put in front of me to train. But I can be a life-changer. I can help people change their lives.
You certainly did that for me. The one thing that struck me about you, was that you haven’t used the funnel system. That is to say, you did the coaching required, and I was able to move into my future success with the tools you gave me. So many coaches want you to join programs, and keep you in a system where you are constantly paying for help. At the moment, it’s a hindrance for us new coaches.
Wow, I’m astounded! That’s a bunch of BS. Coaches are not meant to be addicting some into a coaching drug. Coaches aren’t therapists. That’s number one. We are meant to help people discover, and develop tools to find out what’s in them because the answers are within. We already know that as coaches.
I just got off a session with someone wanting to talk philosophically about the Bible, and I’m no expert on the Bible. They also own a multi-million dollar business, which I also know nothing about. So I cannot give them advice on either.
As coaches, we are NOT here to tell people what to do. We are here to help them find their answers. For instance, for life transformations, I wouldn’t use a Corporate coach, as I am pretty sure the company would be the priority, and not me.
There are a lot of unqualified coaches who are marketing themselves. You inspired me to attend the International Coaching Academy … which is one of the few institutions that is recognized by businesses, and individuals in the coaching sector.
I am now a qualified coach, and I feel it was the best decision I made so far.
Principles of Coaching
Yes – I am an early graduate of the ICA, where I developed the principles of coaching, and have since done coaching with celebrity coaches such as Mary Morrissey, and others. I have a coaching company. I have a coaching directory, coach finder online, and you have to be certified (not a weekend certification).
The coaches have to have X amount of coaching hours, otherwise, they cannot be in my directory. It makes me mad to hear people calling themselves coaches with no certification, and they use techniques like, telling people what to do. They are not coaches, but salespeople.
What was most difficult when you started.
Getting Clients. It is not easy to get clients. It takes time. Similar to a hairstylist who just graduated from beauty school. You do a 9 to 12-month program, and you leave having no clients … except for perhaps your family.
You have to build your clientele. And as you look, your clientele looks amazing. Sooner or later someone will comment on how great your hair looks, and you’ll get busier by the moment.
Getting testimonials is a great way to attract clients.
I appreciate you sharing that. I am currently doing your 30 days “Good to Great Motivation Course“. How do you decide what information to put into the programs?
Coaching Is a Business
So this is on a business conversation now. I think it up. A lot of coaches are not business-oriented. Their heart is in the right place, they have studied, they are magnificent coaches, magnificent life-changers, but they do NOT sell, and they don’t realize that coaching is a business.
So you have to do things away a business operates. I give away something that I think is a good gift because I believe in giving, but I also believe in paying for things … if you don’t have skin in the game, you don’t value it. Hard Fact. For instance, my 30 days Good to Great, I want to give this.
In the beginning (in 2010), I didn’t understand and gave PDFs away about core values, etc …but realized that it made no sense. Now people are doing my daily work, and coming back for more. It’s free, and they join my Facebook, my Instagram, and eventually pay for the coaching as they see the difference the work makes.
You are a Go-Giver. It was because of your one-on-one coaching that I created my Jewellery Business — CaboChicaSoraya — which has helped me to sell my coaching alongside my handcrafted jewelry. I say to people who want to move forward, hire a coach.
I have a coach … if you think I’m expensive, well, she’s expensive and worth it.
In recent times it has been difficult for most. What has propelled you during lock-down to continue to prosper? I mean, you bought property … you continued coaching, your book became an international bestseller on Amazon. Was it just Faith?
You said it. I have a lot of faith. I think that I’m in a partnership greater than me. As horrible as this pandemic has been — and it’s been horrible — I can live in the problem, or I can live in the solution … and that’s how I dealt with it.
I had some of the best dates with my family. We built a rooftop, so we can sit up and watch the no traffic. We created games, we spent fun times together.
I did buy my property before but also renovated a house during the pandemic. It all goes back to having FAITH. You know me, Soraya, I believe that there is an overall designer, a God. I mentioned it in my book. A God that wants the best for me. I do have to be CLEAR on what is the best for me and trust when I keep running into a wall. By taking ACTION, I am redirected.
It’s not “A Now“, it’s not a “Not Ever”, it’s “This isn’t the right way right now“.
I have so much evidence throughout my life that you just play through, and if you feel like sitting on the sidelines for five minutes, then sit … but Get Back Up, and get in the game. It’s always worked out up until now, so why wouldn’t it work out after I take my next step!?
This is so inspiring. You seem to have a niche for helping women redesign their lives. We are not easy to work with. What has inspired you to work with so many women?
Niche for Helping Women Redesign Their Lives
That’s a great question. When I was growing up, I didn’t like women very much. I am being honest. I have to think about this, as I have never been asked this question. And yes, 80 percent of my clients are female. Interesting, because my coach is female.
I didn’t like women very much. I remember when I was 26; when I started reinventing my life after my divorce, being left in debt and abandoned. I realized I’ve got a problem with women. My mind stemmed from my mom. She was a woman, and women can be gossipy, whiny, backstabbing, and bringing the drama.
My best friends were guys. So I consciously started developing relationships with women and learning the goodness of women. I noticed this year, I love working with women. I also qualify my clients. Not everyone gets to work with me. If we’re not a fit, we’re not a fit. And a lot of that is knowing and being a tough coach … but I do it with true love and humor.
Yes, I know.
Samantha: It is truly out of love
Samantha, is there something you want to share with the public that you haven’t?
Memoir on Overcoming to Inspire More People
I’m writing a memoir on overcoming to inspire more people. People don’t know my story, but what I’m realizing is people are attracted to my story and find it inspiring. I’m doing a memoir that includes tools for people -exposing what I did and didn’t do, and what I should have done and shouldn’t have done -a guide to living a better life. I was inspired by both Glennon Doyle, and Matthew McConaughey.
Thank you for inspiring me to be an ordinary person, living an extraordinary life. I have one last question for you. Who would you choose living or dead, to have a conversation with?
My Dad. I didn’t appreciate him until after he was gone.