Research Paper: Coaching the Inner Critic

Research Paper By  Aleka Thorvalson
(Life Strategies Coach, UNITED STATES)

What is the inner critic? How is it created? What are the implications of its presence?  Can we get rid of it?  Are there benefits to its existence? In a coaching relationship how does the inner critic show up, and how can we best work with it to help our clients? The following answers these questions and more. We will get up close and personal with the inner critic by calling it out of the shadows of our mind and bringing it into the light of awareness.

There are many names for the inner critic: the ego, the inner child, the critical parent or even the “parasite”. Some call it simply “the voice”. Personally, I call mine Gladys. It just seems to fit.  Whatever we call it, the fact is, we all have one.  The severity, tone and language it uses may vary, but rest assured, it is there.

What is the inner critic? How is it created? What are the implications of its presence?  Can we get rid of it?  Are there benefits to its existence? In a coaching relationship how does the inner critic show up, and how can we best work with it to help our clients? The following answers these questions and more. We will get up close and personal with the inner critic by calling it out of the shadows of our mind and bringing it into the light of awareness.

What is it, and how did it get in my head?

At its core the inner critic is a biological and psychological adaptation necessary for human development. The intention of its inception is to keep us connected to others, our community, and our family by learning what is acceptable and what is not. The inner critic is formed by absorbing the verbal and nonverbal instructions, moral imperatives and messages given by our external authority figures when we are young.  Parents or caregivers being the most obvious, but clergy, teachers, family, friends and members of the community can instill these important messages. Acceptance is a vital part of survival, so these imperatives are necessary for developing a deep inner sense of security and connection. In a sense, the inner critic is our inner compass; our sense of right and wrong, and it reflects the inner chatter of thoughts and instructions on how to “appropriately” behave in the world. For example, it is important to know how to act at the library versus a sporting event; how to show gratitude; how and when to be assertive and to have a clear understanding about what is dangerous in the world.