- First response of one we highlight as having this problem is to resist the suggestion that he/she has a problem.
That’s self-deception -- the inability to see that one has a problem
The more one resists to ‘ see ‘ the problem , the more he gets into a self woven cocoon of self deception reinforcing with each spin of justification as to how he’s not the problem but actually a victim . All efforts hereon are likely to strengthen his belief, which takes him deeper inside rather than getting him out.
- Need to move orientation from Self deception à Self awareness
Self-deception, self-awareness are mutually exclusive; in fact, one can say that self deception is due to lack of self-awareness. They are like light & darkness. Darkness prevails only till the light of self-awareness rushes in. Just like it’s difficult to see things clearly in darkness, self-deception too restricts vision & clarity.
- Blaming is about ‘explaining failure ‘where as taking responsibility is ‘focusing on achievement‘. Blaming is a state of helplessness; it implies that the control is not in our hand. Owning up – which follows awareness, is empowerment – to believe that you can make a difference.
“ At your finger tips “ — 5 point formula for bringing in this transformation
- Point of awareness - Coach brings in awareness in client about self-betrayal, which it can lead to self deception &
possibility of it happening to anyone.
- Point of realization - Coach helps realization that this can also happen to the client or may actually be happening currently & if so it can dilute client’s ability to focus on results & influence success.
- Point of ascertaining - Coach helps client to make a check if it has indeed happened in his / her case. This should lead to confirmation that it’s indeed so.
- Point of recovery - Coach facilitates client’s process to work through the problem of self-deception & to action steps to‘ move out ‘
- Specific insights / orientation - Don’t focus on what others are doing wrong , focus on what you can do right to help
- Don’t worry whether others are helping you. Worry whether you are helping others
- It doesn’t matter as to who’s at fault as much as the focus on resolution of issue on hand.
- Take responsibility for what is & what you can , that is the beginning of a solution
- Visualise solutions after distancing yourself from the issue – looking from outside the ringPoint of reinforcement - Time to acknowledge action , confirm shift , reinforce learning . Coach checks with the client on his/ her comfort in this shift & reflection on the same
Techniques a coach can use to help client’s self awareness process:
Powerful questions engage client in a thinking process and help look at a situation from a different perspective. This creates a distance and allows the client to see a situation much easier. Powerful questions also support opportunities for growth and creativity. Effective probing is like digging ground with a sharper tool till you reach a fresh water spring.
Transpose – asking indirect questions in sensitive areas ( e.g. Why do you think people evade taxes )
Coaches can create awareness through use of feedback. Feedback is an observation and not an advice which is judgmental. It is like showing a mirror without adding or deleting from reality. Feedback is not based on opinion or beliefs but rather on the moment of observation. By stating what is or what is not from another perspective, helps client get an insight that they can use.
Role-play is a very effective technique to create awareness. It is particularly helpful when a client is unsure how to have a conversation with someone.
- A coach can reflect on client’s perspective, a coach should also encourage client to reflect on different perspectives, options. This will bring in different realizations leading to greater awareness.
- Make appropriate use analogy, metaphor, and story.