Power Tool: Judgment vs. Acceptance

A Coaching Power Tool created by Yasmine Shahin
(Life Coaching, CAIRO, EGYPT)

When we are judging everything, we are learning nothing. Steve Maraboli

Judgment

Judgment is the evaluation of evidence in making a decision.

It can be in various forms and ways. For example it can be emotional, social or even mental. People usually evaluate certain matters, situations, themselves or other people and based on this evaluation they come up with certain acts reflecting that. These acts are usually called “Judgments”.

The above definition doesn’t seem so bad after all. But we should ask ourselves then why do people always keep encouraging others to quit judgments. Why do we always try to control ourselves from judging others or judging ourselves in a negative non-constructive manner? Have you ever asked yourself why do people keep judging one another? Take a moment and think about the act of judgment itself, you will realize that at the end it gets no one anywhere. The person who judge will just feel angry and negative at the end, cause the act of judgment does not identify the person being judged, on the contrary it defines the person who is judging.

On the other side, the one being judged will also feel angry and will definitely go automatically into a defensive and aggressive state. So why the act from the beginning? Who is benefiting from the outcome?

On a deeper level, when you find yourself in a state that will lead you to judge others, you should try to shift your perspective and to pause for a few seconds, and ask yourself the following:

• Who am I to judge that person?
• Am I living his/her life?
• Do we have the same values and beliefs?
• Are we facing the same struggles and battles of life?
• Are the things who can make him/her happy the same things?
• That make me feeling the same?

No one will ever be in the other’s shoe. You can never be someone else or live someone else’s life. Just as the same when we say that no one can be you or can live or define your life…

Quit judging others, define your own life, live by your own values and beliefs, be confident and trust yourself. And while doing so, don’t stop others from having these rights as well…

Acceptance

Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her. Lao Tzu

Acceptance on the other hand in human psychology is a person’s assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it, protest, or exit.

Acceptance is not just about the idea or the fact of accepting others. Actually it starts with the act of accepting oneself first. If you accept yourself the way you are, with your uniqueness, your capabilities, your own personality and your values and beliefs, only then you will be able to accept others they way are too and quit the act of judgment.