Power Tool: Alignment vs. Unfulfillment

A Coaching Power Tool Created by Xenia Knapp
(Millennial Coach, GERMANY)

Introduction

More and more people are unfulfilled in their lives. But where is this coming from? How can we shift this perspective from having an unfulfilled and therefore unhappy life for our clients and ourselves?

These people often reach for goals, that are not their own or they try to be someone, they are not without even realizing it.

Instead of reflecting and searching for their own answers, people tend to adapt to what people around them think, do or think they should do.

The result of this behavior or even pattern is unfulfillment.

If we are aligned with our own values, beliefs, dreams on one hand and our strength, skills, and talents on the other we are able to create magic. We can reach our full potential and create a life that makes us truly happy.

Unfulfillment disempowers us and is a life full of lack of what is really meaningful to us. Alignment, on the other hand, is being empowered, being the creator and the driver of your life full of meaningful things.

The crux is to shift the perspective from unfulfillment to living and being in alignment with our true nature.

Unfulfillment

If we thrive for something that is not truly wanted from within ourselves, the successes will not make us happy. We will run from goals to the goal without being proud of yourselves or giving our success any meaning.

The goals or milestones that others set for us or we set for us because we think they are what we want or need to reach are a trap. If we go down this road we will fell more lacking with every goal a milestone we reach. We will go even further and start to feel guilty for not being happy or satisfied while others seem to thrive to make the things happen you have, but you still feel unfulfilled.

We go for goal after goal, without being satisfied or enjoying the journey. Which are both essential for happiness and fulfillment in life.

Another reason for this unfulfillment is not being yourself.

We try to be good at the skills that we think are needed to succeed in life or our work. We try to live up to the standards who we think we should have according to what others think we should be.

This leads to an attempt to master skills in areas where we are neither talented nor passionate. We attempt to get better in our weaknesses instead of developing our strengths and using them in the best way. This approach is so hard and will never enable us to live or perform up to our full potential.

We can not reach our full potential in an area or even our life if we do not work or be in our own lane with our unique strength, skills, and talents. If we try to compete with someone who has a totally different skill set, we are doomed to fail. We will never be able to unfold what we are really capable of.

Alignment

Being in alignment with who you really are is the foundation of a happy and fulfilled life. 

When we are able to identify what and who we are in our core, we are able to start making decisions based on this. We are able to create the habits that support us to create the life we are meant to live.

By being aware of our unique strengths, skills, and talents we can choose the path that suits them. This will lead to far better results than anything else. Reaching our full potential is only possible if we act in our passion and our unique combination of talents. This approach will be way easier, maybe even fell natural. The reason for this is it is natural because you act within your expertise, your passion, simply as who you are.

If we use our core beliefs and values intentionally, it can be used as a compass to lead us through life. Trough a life that has meaning for ourselves and fulfills us.

We will be more satisfied and happy with the goals we reach. These goals mean something to us. The success is meaningful and the outcomes create the life we want to live.

It is the same with the journey to reaching these goals. Being in alignment while working on your goals. You will be more resilient, more passionate and more motivated.

This will make the journey itself to something meaningful and worth going for.

We will be more likely to continue on our path and work towards our goal, even if we fail or struggle. Failure will be more likely to be seen as a learning and a possibility to grow and become better.

The whole process and our whole life will have the foundation of purpose, because if the alignment with our core.

This again is the best, healthiest and most fulfilling way to live life.

This awareness enables us to make the best out of every situation that comes and everything that life throws at us.

Self Approach

By understanding ourselves and what drives us, we are able to consciously lead our lives in a direction that fulfills us.

Whenever we need to make a decision we can use our knowledge about our values to make sure we go in the right direction.

It does not mean that we will always make the right choice, but we are more likely to do so and we are able to see after a while if we need to readjust.

Creating a habit of checking in with our values and our purpose can be a game-changer.

It is important to use our own maxim to lead trough our lives and readjust it every now and then by reflecting if we are still acting and living within our values. This can be done by journaling on a regular basis on it.

One idea is to create rules of living, based on your values.

Look at your values and create a few rules by which you live or make decisions in your life.

With this, you do not need to rethink everything in every situation. You can make sure you create a life based on your values by implementing these rules in your daily life or certain areas like decision making.

To get to know your strengths, skills, etc. feel free to use some tools and models you can find online or in books. You can also use the knowledge of these models to understand others better in your everyday life.

Do not see this like putting yourself or others in a certain box. It is more a generalization to be able to understand better why someone behaves a certain way. This does not mean that this person is only driven by this certain stigma. Everyone is a variation of characteristics, skills, strength, etc.

Use the awareness you are creating for yourself about yourself and maybe even others to live life more aligned and meaningful.

If something feels of try to create awareness for yourself, about what is going on and try to go back into alignment by adjusting some things. Journaling or meditation can be a helpful tool here.

In the beginning, it may seem impossible. But it is like a muscle, after a while this approach and the awareness will become stronger and stronger until it is second nature.

Coaching Approach

As a coach, it is important to know yourself well, be and act in alignment with who you are.

Most of us started to become a coach, because of this in the first place.

We found our skills, passion, purpose, and values aligned with the being of being a coach and/or we found out that what we did before was not in alignment with our being.

None the less, we continuously need to work on staying in alignment.

On one hand, to be able to provide our services in the quality we want them to be and aseptically when working with clients.

The more we are aligned with ourselves, the less we judge or try to fix other problems. We understand that everyone is unique and has all the answers within themselves to overcome everything and create what they want to. Only with this knowledge and experience made by ourselves, ourselves we can provide the client with space and the coaching they deserve.

In order to help our client to shift from unfulfillment to alignment, the first step is to help the client to understand what is going on.

Educating the client to know about core values and beliefs, as well as the purpose and their influence on our life and our happiness and fulfillment.

Creating an understanding of these topics and how important they are in everyone’s life.

It also helps the client to understand that this foundation of a happy and fulfilled life is as unique as our fingerprints.

Supporting the client to see that not every path is the right one for everyone.

The second part of this step is telling the client about the different strengths, learn-types, models and all the uniqueness we have as humans.

Again helping the client to understand that these are as unique as our fingerprints.

The next step is to create the awareness around who the client really is in both areas, that were just described.

We need to uncover core values, core beliefs, life purpose, strength, skills, talents, etc. on a deep subconscious level in this part of the coaching process.

There are many tools like the strength finder, DISC model or the Enneagram

that can be added to the additional coaching in this stage.

The first two steps can also be created as a workbook or educational part before the actual coaching starts. Maybe in the second step, blended coaching with education/training and coaching can be put in place.

With this knowledge, the third step is to support the client to uncover where their unfulfillment comes from. Using techniques like the down arrow technique to analyze the reason on a really deep level can be helpful.

After creating the awareness of who the client is and the knowledge about the underlying issue of their unfulfillment, we create a big picture of the client, with the client by merging these two awarenesses.

It is time to look at the client’s life and see where misalignment is happening in order to shift these areas into alignment to enable the client to be fulfilled and happy again.

Reflection

This power tool enables us to live up to our full potential, be happier and fulfilled and embracing our uniqueness.

The process to transform a client form being unfulfilled, to be and live in alignment needs the transformational element of creating awareness in the coaching process.

We will be able to enjoy every step on the way and live a life that is more meaningful to us. Living in alignment makes things come naturally. Living in alignment makes making decisions easier. Living in alignment lets us have fewer regrets in our lives.

It needs a lot of initial work and continues with the need of checking in with ourselves. Uncovering and creating awareness around our whole being is hard work but worth it.

Living in alignment also means listening to yourself and your needs.

Alignment enables us to achieve more by doing less. It lets us keep the lightness and create magic in our lives.

Being and living in alignment is an inevitable base for every coach in order to serve their client best.