A Coaching Power Tool By Kim LiPira, Business Coach, UNITED STATES
When/Then vs. Now Future Outcome
Living in the past or future can become very problematic. When living the life of what if or when this happens can keep a person stuck. Several things can result, everything from being afraid to move on, or do anything helpful to move forward, by holding onto the past feeling, judgments, memories, or beliefs around your thinking; because it was so then, it will be most likely to have a similar outcome.
The same thing can happen when being attached to a future outcome based on old beliefs, feelings, and judgments that go beyond just learning the lesson or experiencing the experience and believing that you will get a similar outcome.
One way to awareness is being in the Now. It can be found through tapping into how you feel: “……you are not usually conscious of your thought patterns, and it is often only through watching your emotions that you can bring them into awareness.”[i] . So many of us don’t give ourselves the time or space to question how we are feeling about the thoughts in our minds. We will ignore certain feelings that are of great significance in guiding us to what we truly want or the direction in which we want to go. We create stories that are just that stories. We can become convinced that is what will be. The coach gives that time and space to the client. This time and space is a much-needed entity in the client/coach session to help the client move from When/Then to NOW. If your client has not tapped into how they feel about a certain situation and they are stuck in their mind they can be receiving mixed messages. This can present thoughts of doubt, confusion not trusting themselves among many others. It’s amazing how powerful the connection between the body and the feeling is and how that can bring amazing shift, realization, and insight to the client.
When/Then vs. Now Case Study:
Daniela’s struggle to make an appointment with a representative of the corporation in which she works is a direct result of her belief that she would experience the same treatment and outcome that she had experienced in the past. Her contracted time in the position was coming to a close and it was time to interview for the next position. They had not given her the growth opportunities she very much desired and felt like they didn’t listen to her or have any inclination to help her advance. She was convinced that the next interview she would be treated the same or make promises that would not be kept. She was discouraged and felt she would be stuck in this world as long as she stayed at this corporation. She had already given them many years of her working career.
When asked how this makes you feel and what made it so hard for her to make the appointment, she drilled down into the moment and connected with her truth at the time. She realized her disappointment had a lot to do with her values and beliefs. She explored those values and how she would like to be treated if the roles were reversed. In the NOW, she realized how the thoughts she was thinking were fears that may never occur. She rewrote the script in her head and applied it to a new experience. It opened her up to explore what it might look like if she saw it with a fresh lens. This new lens made her feel more positive, and she wanted to make the appointment.
The Future Is a Replica of the Past When/Then vs. Now
This space and time were feeling and the NOW lens connects are powerful tools.
Discovering Truth through identifying with feeling are felt in the Now. Feelings felt from an experience or projected future are based on uncertainty and stories. Once a moment has passed, you revisit it from a lens based on judgments, values, and beliefs that the mind has taken a snapshot of. Exploring mindfully how and why you feel about them in the present moment is the best possible way to an outcome to move you to the next step for a successful outcome. Not knowing how any moment in the future will turn out but dreaming up a scenario that you believe will happen sounds silly, but we do it all the time. We can only make choices in the Now and those decisions are best made from the knowledge and clarity and feeling that on based on the present moment.
“ Usually, the future is a replica of the past. Superficial changes are possible, but real transformation is rare and depends upon whether you can become present enough to dissolve the past by accessing the power of NOW. What you perceive as the future is an intrinsic part of your state of consciousness now. If your mind carries a heavy burden of the past, you will experience more of the same. The past perpetuates itself through the lack of presence. The quality of your consciousness at this moment is what shapes the future- which, of course, can only be experienced as the NOW. [ii]
Doug Silsbee’s approach to coaching- Presence-Based Coaching is a helpful tool for helping coach’s, coach from the basis of staying in the NOW for the client and allowing the client to find that space to explore themselves from the Power of Now.
“Presence-based coaching puts us in much more direct contact with our moment-to-moment experience. Increased sensitivity and awareness of our own experience are the keys to the intangible rewards that we seek in our lives”. [iii]