Power Tool: Appreciation vs. Condemnation

A Coaching Power Tool created by Udayakumar Gopalakrishnan
(Life Coach, INDIA)

The biggest craving for a human being, is the craving to be appreciated William Blakes

From time immemorial we have heard and read about human beings, being extolled for feats they accomplished in a variety of fields spanning crafts, arts, industry, sports, war, politics etc in personal, public and corporate spheres. Many of us have grown up listening to grandmothers or elders in the family sharing inspiring stories of folks who excelled in their lives. Mere reading of such literature and hearing of success stories, have enormously helped us to reflect where we are and where we need to go and how we need to achieve goals, success and happiness in life.

If we dip into our early childhood, we gained attention from our parents, siblings, relatives and friends by doing something, which caught their eye and in turn obtained their appreciation. This trend continued after we entered early school days, when teachers praised us, for what we did well in the academics or in the extra ‐ curricular activities. This trend of seeking positive strokes continued into high school, college when we felt happy, during occasions when others recognized our talents and achievements. It didn’t stop here, rather this phenomenon continued as we moved on to professional careers and we desired for instant and constant appreciation from our superiors, as well as from peers and team members reporting to us.

While it is true that we felt motivated and energized on being showered with appreciation, the absence of genuine appreciation from parents, dear and near ones, superiors and significant others in life has in turn produced reverse effects, including feeling let down, miserable, demotivated, complacent and listless.

Nonetheless absence of receiving praise from others, has been better off in terms of life circumstances as compared to belittling, condemnation, humiliation and intimidation by again significant others in our lives. When unwarranted condemnation and humiliation were heaped on us, we felt pained and wondered why we were treated unjustly by others.

A worse level of evident absence of securing praise from others was when unjust and unfair criticism was leveled on us.

The other and last extreme in the continuum is to be disgraced by sarcasm and cynicism of others. If this be a constant pattern, chances are the person becomes very depressed and frustrated, victimized and feels quite helpless.

Thus in effect going by the above narrations there are 4 possibilities that would more often than not arise while we interact with others:

• being a recipient of constant and well deserving appreciation from others or some
• being treated indifferently by others, even when good work and behavior is exhibited
• being subjected to unjust, unfair criticism
• being devastated by sarcasm and cynicism

It is also been found by way of experiences that quite often than otherwise, the more one is subjected to any of the above 4 archetypes of behaviors from others around, one tends to carry this influence by imbibing and internalizing the traits, in one’s behavior towards others. Thus, the effects of receiving would have positive and negative consequences in sharing to others around.