A Coaching Power Tool Created by Jennifer Gare
(Transformational coach, CANADA)
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Oscar Wilde
Am I living in alignment with true self? Who am I? How do I find myself under the layers that cover me up? What is it that I know for sure about myself? What if I stopped pretending to be someone else?
With the busy, crazy pace of today’s world, there is nonstop chatter from every possible angle and sometimes this chatter gets so loud that it drowns our our own voice. When our own voice becomes silent, when we listen more to the voices of others around us, then we lose the feeling and the sound of our own voice. We learn to become master pretenders.
When we are pretending and it becomes our existence, we cling tightly to our old self’s and repress the pain we are feeling. We pretend that everything is wonderful with a smile, continuing to push through daily life and our routines with out complaining, even when somethings can be very hard. We try covering up our needs with substitutes that don’t fulfill us. We become “stuck” not only in life, but within the story, allowing ourselves to be defined by it. Our mind continues to remind us of our past failures, our unworthiness, our flaws, our disappointments, and we can become covered in shame as this story continually plays on repeat.
This is where the challenge is, the mind plays a big part in keeping us in the “pretend mode of being “ as it becomes so familiar and feels safe to us. The feeling of safety and inclusion, of knowing exactly whats expected of us and to be accepted by others, we can find ourselves choosing to compromise ourselves, act in certain ways to please others, and we learn to cover ourselves under the veil of pretense, in other words, pretending. Behind the pretending, there is fear. The fear to express and expose ourself to others and most importantly to get very intimate with ourself. The fear of being judged and the fear of exclusion.
Facing the fear, seeing it clearly, feeling and seeing your pain, letting it “ be” in its place, but not letting it define who you are, is a difficult challenge. This is hard work to strip our layers, to unveil ourselves, to move through our limited belief’s of….. “I am not good enough,” “I am not more than what you see, “ “I am not smart enough”, “I am not capable,” “I am what you say I am”, ….and find the courage to become curious about ourselves. To question ourselves and to stay brave through the process. Trusting our curiosity will lead us to an awareness, which will shake our foundation that was built on pretense (pretending) and begin a new build with our own truth, our own voice.
The following are some powerful questions to ask yourself:
- Who are you?
- Who are you really?
- When you’re totally honest with yourself, what will happen?
- What is important to you?
- What is really important to you?
- What’s your deepest, most secret desire?
- What would happen if you allowed yourself to be you?
- Who’s permission do you need?
- What do you look like to you?
- What does it feel like to be you?
By facing our fears, looking at our self-worth, re-training our brains to focus on our brilliance and abundance, we can work towards becoming comfortable with our authentic self. We come out of hiding and we let ourselves be seen as we truly our, with no apologies.
You’re need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world. Don’t let anything stand in the way of the light that shines through this form. Risk being seen in all your glory. Jim Carrey
