International Coach Academy

Coach Training School

  • LANGUAGES
    • English
    • Chinese
    • Italian
  • COMMUNITY
    • Africa
    • Australia
    • Canada
    • Egypt
    • France
    • Germany
    • Greece
    • Hong Kong
    • India
    • Italy
    • Japan
    • Jordan
    • Lebanon
    • New Zealand
    • Singapore
    • Switzerland
    • Taiwan
    • Trinidad Tobago
    • UAE
    • UK
    • USA
  • Contact Us
  • OUR SCHOOL
    • Training Methodology
    • Coach Certification
    • Why Choose ICA?
    • Our Story
    • Our Team
    • Our Alumni
  • PROGRAMS
    • Become a Coach
    • Add Coach Skills
    • Advanced (ACP)
    • Professional (CPC)
    • Vocational (VCP)
    • Workplace (WCC)
    • Life Design
    • Bridging Pathways
    • Group Coach
  • STUDENT LIFE
    • Inside the Classroom
    • Study Schedule
    • Coaching Confidence
    • Your Niche and Model
    • Portfolio Creation
    • Unparallaled Support
  • COACH LIFE
    • ICA Coach Alumni
    • Get A Niche
      • Life Coaching
      • Health Wellness Coaching
      • Leadership Coaching
      • Business Coaching
    • Getting Clients
    • Coaching Demonstrations
    • Coaching Tips
    • Day in the Life of a Coach
    • Community Library
  • FLIPIT
    • A Framework for Change
    • Certified Group Coaching (CCE)
      • FlipIt Facilitation License
    • ICA Power Tools
      • Graduate Power Tools
  • BLOG
    • Graduation Yearbooks
    • Coach Portfolio
      • Power Tools
      • Resources
    • Articles
    • Podcasts
  • Join Login
You are here: Home » COACH PORTFOLIOS » Power Tools » Power Tool: Reacting vs. Accepting

Power Tool: Reacting vs. Accepting

2016/07/06

power-tool-tobias-demker-reacting-vs-accepting-600x352

A Coaching Power Tool Created by Tobias Demker
(Leadership coach, CHINA)

Tobias Demker power tool 1Have you ever been in a position where you are forced to do something that you are not really interested in doing? It might be cleaning up your room as a child, or taking on an additional task you are not interested in at work, as an adult? How do your react and behave in these situations?

Many times when we face difficulties, we spend a lot of energy trying to reject a change, a proposal, an idea, or maybe even our own thoughts. We might view something as negative or bad, and maybe even start looking for arguments to cement our position. If we look at the “ladder of inference”, this model certainly highlights this case, that we create our own reality and base our actions accordingly.

The reactive zone

It seems like it is common for us as humans to spend a lot of time in the “reactive zone”, where we see ourselves as victims in the given situation. In these situations we typically show behaviors of blaming, defending, protecting, denying, etc. This is a natural state, and it is often the first place we go to when we are under pressure, or feel stressed. A lot of research is showing that we are still highly affected by our reptile brain when we come under stress. There are basically 3 survival instincts telling us to either fight, flight, or freeze.

By cementing ourselves in this state, it becomes very difficult to reach a more constructive state by our own means. It is also highly likely that will have a negative influence on our surrounding.

Signs of reacting

The “reacting language” includes a lot of words like: they, them, you etc. This kind of language might be an indicator that the person is putting blame on others for the situation, and withdrawing his/her own accountability.

The focus of the conversation might also be focusing much more on the past than the current reality, or desired situation. There might be a need for the person to release some frustration by complaining about the past. However there is nothing constructive getting stuck in this state.

Accepting

The first step of moving into a more constructive state might simply be to accept the situation for what it is. Here we can explore what we might be able to do in the situation, and maybe even explore if there are any opportunities? There is of course a difference between saying that you accept the situation, and truly accepting the situation in your heart. It might take a lot of self-awareness to realize this, and this is also an interesting area to explore for us as coaches. It might take a lot of openness and reflection to move into a state of acceptance, simply because it is hard to accept that we are not accepting in the first place.

Accepting thus means to truly see and understand the current reality for what it is. I believe that no one really wants to be in a reactive mode, and therefore it is very difficult to accept that we might be in such a state. By accepting the situation as it is, can therefore be a great relief. It might even be quite emotional.

The Leadership Circle, and the creative zone

I have done some work with “The leadership circle”, which I find to be a great tool to support coaching. When using this tool we can see that the “circle” is divided into a “reactive” half, and a “creative” half. Here we can clearly distinguish between more or less constructive behaviors. By using the perspective of Reacting vs Accepting, we are not yet having a discussion of what could happen if we were in the creative zone. My suggestion with this tool is to simply start exploring what it would be like to be truly accepting the situation, before exploring other alternatives.

Coaching application

Questions to ask to move from Rejecting to Accepting, might include:

  • What is most difficult about this situation?
  • How are you reacting to this situation?
  • What would be different from accepting the situation?
  • What would it feel like if you truly accepted the situation?
  • What do you need to let go of to accept the situation?
  • How constructive are you in this situation?
  • What needs to happen to be more constructive?

Related Posts

  • Research Paper: Cognitive Diversity and CoachingResearch Paper: Cognitive Diversity and Coaching
  • Power Tool: Safe vs. UniquePower Tool: Safe vs. Unique
  • Power Tool: Sowing vs. HarvestingPower Tool: Sowing vs. Harvesting
  • Leadership coaching Model tobias demker-600x352Coaching Model: BALANCE
  • Power Tool: Hide vs. Embrace WeaknessPower Tool: Hide vs. Embrace Weakness
  • Coaching Model: Sacred SpaceCoaching Model: Sacred Space

Filed Under: Power Tools Tagged With: coach china, leadership coach, tobias demker

International Coach Academy

Categories

International Office

PO Box 3190 Mentone East,
Melbourne AUSTRALIA, 3194

ABN: 83 094 039 577

Contact Us Online

Ask Us A Question

Click HERE

Terms

Terms and condition
Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2021 · International Coach Academy ·

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Cookie settingsACCEPT
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

Non-necessary

Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.

SAVE & ACCEPT