Working through denial to a place of acceptance can be very difficult, maybe scary, even terrifying as it means letting go. The control that we perceive to exert over something we are in denial about has to be released and the courage that it may take to be fully open to the truth of something can often cause the feeling of wanting to run screaming and shouting in the opposite direction rather than face it.
But if we can manage to find the courage to at least be willing to look at the truth greater awareness will come. At this point the awareness may come by a curiosity to explore the situation, looking at all of the facts laid bare, looking into each excuse, reason and justification the truth of what is being judged or denied is apparent and here there are two choices:
- Move on with exploration, eyes wide open, trusting in our own strength, the guidance from within ourselves, our own wisdom and the ultimate belief that the truth will bring freedom
- Retreat back into denial, angry, hurt, justifying, excusing and blaming
What do you choose?
Acceptance = Awareness + Understanding + Truth
- Acceptance means seeing the truth and being in that truth no matter how difficult it may be.
- Acceptance means taking ownership of whatever problem, situation, thought, action, belief or emotion and facing it square on in all of its glory.
- Acceptance is embracing the reality of all that is, taking responsibility for changing what can be changed and accepting the things we cant.
- Acceptance is coming to a place of understanding that sometimes things happen, even awful, painful things happen for a reason, a divine reason that we may not understand, we may not see the plan, the relevance, the lesson or what is around the corner for us
- Acceptance is letting go of the need to know the why’s, how’s, where’s and who’s. Sometimes we will never get the answers we are looking for and even if we get answers sometimes they are still not enough.
Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune. William James
Acceptance in no way means that we give up on wanting a better life, are not angry and hurt by another person’s actions, have forgotten the loved one that we are grieving deeply, become lazy and non-productive by accepting something as it is and doing nothing about it if we can. Acceptance is not about condoning horrendous or cruel acts committed by another. Acceptance does not mean rolling over and becoming a door mat no! Acceptance is the pathway to freedom. The Serenity Prayer God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Here is what it boils down to, some may like this, some may accept it, some may think it harsh and lacking understanding and react with anger but the fact is acceptance is seeing the truth and reality for exactly what it is without resistance, in seeing and realising the exact truth you can then look at the reality, consider whether you are happy with the reality or not, if you are great, if you are not happy with it and it is in your power to do so take charge and change it.
If it is not in your power to change it ask yourself these questions:
- Is fighting against this person, situation, circumstance etc getting me anywhere?
- What am I achieving by trying to change something completely beyond my control?
- How can I change my perception of this situation so that it no longer controls me?
- By not accepting the past (situation, trauma, event) who am I harming?
- Is my immediate response to this true?
- In my deepest heart can I see the truth in this situation?
- Am I fully accepting this moment, this day, this situation or am I fighting against it?
- How does fighting and resisting in this situation serve me? What is it achieving?
- What am I losing by denying?
- What am I gaining by denying?
- What am I losing by being in acceptance?
- What am I gaining by being in acceptance?
Some people confuse acceptance with apathy, but there’s all the difference in the world. Apathy fails to distinguish between what can and what cannot be helped; acceptance makes that distinction. Apathy paralyzes the will-to-action; acceptance frees it by relieving it of impossible burdens.
– Arthur Gordon
Eckhart Tolle (2001). The Power Of Now. UK: Hodder Paperbacks.
Eckhart Tolle (2003). Stillness Speaks. UK: Hodder & Stoughton. 129.
Deepak Chopra (1996). The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. London, UK: Transworld Publishers. 117
Caroline Myss, P.H.D (1998). Why People Don’t Heal And How They Can. UK: Transworld Publishers
AA Services (2002). The Big Book. 4th ed. USA: Hazelden Information & Educational Services. 575.