Call +61 403 600 248

International Coach Academy

Coach Training School

  • Regions
    • USA & Latin America
    • Canada
    • Asia
    • Australia & NZ
    • United Kingdom
    • Europe
    • Africa
    • India
    • Middle East
  • Language
    • English
    • Italiano
    • 课程选择
  • Contact
  • OUR SCHOOL
    • Training Methodology
    • Our Story
    • Faculty
  • PROGRAMS
    • Short Courses (FlipIt)
    • Professional Coach Certification
      • Advanced (150hrs)
      • Professional (125 hrs)
      • Vocational (76 hrs)
    • Bridging Programs (BYO prior training)
  • STUDENT LIFE
    • Study Schedule
    • Classes & Theory
    • ICA Power Tools
    • Labs & Practicum
    • Your Coaching Model
    • Your Coaching Niche
    • Your Coaching Business
    • Student Support
  • COMMUNITY
    • ICA Alumni
    • Graduate Yearbooks
  • RESOURCES
    • FlipIt Framework
    • Certification & Credential Pathways
    • Coaching Models
    • Coaching Power Tools
    • Coaching Research
    • Library
    • ICA Blog
  • Join Login

Articles, Case Studies & Interviews

You are here: Home » COACH PORTFOLIOS » Power Tools » Power Tool: Power vs. Control

Power Tool: Power vs. Control

2013/12/11

A Coaching Power Tool created by Shelina Wadiwala
(Transformational & Life Transition Coaching, UNITED KINGDOM)

By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try, the world is beyond the winning. Lao Tzu

Introduction

It is not uncommon for people to feel that they are not in control of situations in their lives. They have a specific goal in mind; perhaps it is building a thriving business, aiming for a new job, dealing with health issues or improving certain relationships, and they are seriously working towards it. Somehow, the goal seems elusive and they try even harder, committing more resources, strategising every detail and focusing firmly on the goal to the exclusion of other things.

Questions such as “when will it happen?”, “how will it happen?” and “why isn’t it happening yet?” arise. It is not that they are impatient – people are usually prepared for the long haul. Neither is it that they are not making sincere and responsible efforts towards their goals. But it is the feeling of helplessness that comes from being unable to direct and generate specific outcomes they desire within specific timeframes. This is when the feeling of “not being in control” is experienced.

Control

Generally, “being in control” or “taking control” indicates purposefulness, a deliberate and directed effort towards specific desired outcomes.

There are times where the ability to “be in control” is essential, such as in the cases of politicians, the military and corporate leaders, where the goal is specified at an establishment level. In this context, leaders organise, strategise and manage teams to deliver results. It is their role to achieve specific targets and that is their primary focus. Human and other resources may be substituted during the endeavour and those achieving the targets are deemed successful.

Perhaps it our observation of situations such as those above that we start to believe that as long as we are “in control” and plan accordingly, we will be successful in reaching our personal goals. We start to get attached to our goals, seeing them as the answer to different set of desires, and other plans become dependent on achieving these goals. Our attachment gets stronger and we work harder; after all, so much is at stake.

Failure-avoidance is what drives the hard work. Feelings of nervousness, frustration, stress and anxiety come up and undercurrents of fear are always present, in case the desired outcome is not achieved. Lack of noticeable progress towards the goal gives rise to feelings of insecurity, lack of confidence, vulnerability and failure, further leading either to increased attempts at controlling and directing actions or then ultimately burn-out, giving up or even depression.

And if we don’t quite make the goal, we are overcome by feelings of our own inadequacies.

The energy around striving for our goal is nervous and desperate. The feeling may seem like swimming against the tide, or grabbing a fistful of sand – the tighter the fist is closed in order to hold onto the sand, the more it escapes through gaps between fingers.

Power

Power is defined by Encarta Dictionary as

  1. the ability, strength and capacity to do something and
  2. control and influence over other people and their actions.

In this power tool, what is meant by power is the innate feeling of strength and positivity which allows one to always remain centred. It is connecting to an inner reserve which offers limitless potential for building stability and an unwavering belief in one’s own capacity. It is not about actively seeking to direct or influence people or events for our benefit, but rather about acknowledging that there are natural forces outside our realm of consciousness which cannot be controlled.

Psychologist Carl Rogers says,

When in touch with personal power, life stops being such a struggle, and one feels a general ease and attunement to the natural flow of things.

Having power sets us up in a in a frame of mind which invites positive outcomes, where we can move through challenges with an attitude of deep confidence, resting in the certainty that our power will support us and energise us.

As we understand our own power better, we exude confidence, energy, empathy and positivity. These are qualities that naturally draw admiration. It is ironic that the respect that some individuals demand due to their craving to appear powerful, and which is often fleeting, comes quite effortlessly when the need to appear powerful is released.

With this enormous and accessible resource within, energy flows freely. The feeling is like swimming with the tide, or effortlessly allowing sand to sit in the palm of the hand.

Power and Creativity

When we are striving towards a particular goal we are almost in tunnel vision mode, holding onto details of the plan and limiting our view only to the known areas of our experience. Everything is seen in terms of success or failure in achieving that goal. We feel stressed about doing everything we can in order to achieve that goal.

Cognitive neuroscience research relating to creativity indicates that the limbic system, which is the stress response system of the brain, and prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for the higher cognitive abilities, compete for resources, confirming that when we are stressed our capacity for creativity is reduced.

Conversely, when we detach from a particular goal, the liberation leaves us calm and relaxed. Research has also demonstrated that one’s field of view is more open when happy and more closed when anxious. Happy people are able to make more connections in their brain between previously unrelated concepts, and consequently are significantly better at coming up with new solutions.

Moving from Control to Power

Pages: 1 2

Filed Under: Power Tools Tagged With: coach united kingdom, control in coaching, power in coaching, shelina wadiwala, transformational & life transition coaching

Search

Categories

International Office

PO Box 3190 Mentone East,
Melbourne AUSTRALIA, 3194ABN: 83 094 039 577

Contact Us Online

Ask Us A Question

Click HERE

Terms

Terms and condition
Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2023 · International Coach Academy ·

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Cookie settingsACCEPT
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Non-necessary
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
SAVE & ACCEPT