A Coaching Power Tool Created by Riccardo Mereu
(Business Coach & Career Change Coach, ITALY)
How often do we choose not to do something, not to even try, just because we think we are not capable of it, or because we are scared of something or because we fear the consequences of our actions?
How many possibilities are we leaving behind just because we do not dare to take the risk, to have the courage, to exit from our comfort zone?
I certainly believe that at some degree we all fall in this pattern.
We do not dare to eat that Thai food because it might be too spicy, we do not dare to speak out loud what we think because we fear the consequences of what other people might think of us, we are reluctant of trying new activities because since we have never done it before we do not know if we will be able to do it, as Coaches, we might not dare to ask that question, because in our guts we sense that it could be too powerful….and so on…
What is holding us back? What is preventing to break that barrier that separates us from doing and not doing? To me, it’s all about Dare vs Hesitate
What does Hesitate mean?
- Hesitation is an unwillingness to do something, or a delay in doing it because you are uncertain, worried, or embarrassed about it[1]
- It is the act of pausing before doing something, especially because you are nervous or not certain[2]
- It is delay due to the uncertainty of mind or fear[3]
- It is the act of being slow to speak or act because you feel uncertain or nervous[4]
- It holds back in doubt or indecision[5]
What does Dare mean?
- to be brave enough to do something difficult or dangerous[6]
- to have the necessary courage or boldness for something[7]
- to have the courage to contend against, venture, or try[8]
- To have the courage to do something[9]
Reading back those definitions it looks like the keywords are on one side fear, uncertainty, nervous, delay, worries, while on the other side we have brave and courage.
So how can we tackle this fear, and jump on the action without hesitation? We must dare!
I remember a famous quote from one of my preferred movies of all time Point Break[10]starring Patrick Swayze, and Keanu Reeves.
“Fear causes hesitation, and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true”
In my opinion, this sentence holds the essence of the whole thing. I watched this movie back in 1991, I was a teenager and since then I have always kept with me.
Fear blocks us, trigger our inner game, we overthink we start visualizing all the possible negative outcomes, we start judging ourselves, and as a consequence we start hesitating, we postpone, we delay, we procrastinate and in the meanwhile the fear grows even bigger until it takes all the space available and we end up paralyzed, incapable to move at all and eventually we give up.
As adults human being, conscious of the actions we definitely need to use our wisdom before doing something, I am not talking about jumping from an aeroplane without a parashot, or climbing a cliff without a rope, or leaving a solid career seeking for a new experience….but, hold on, there is actually a lot of people doing this stuff too….so what’s the matter?
In fact, it’s probably only about our perception, our perspective, it’s all about the boundaries we create for ourselves and the willingness to take that risk, to expose ourselves, to exit the comfort zone, to take full responsibility of our decision and to see what happens.
To dare is to have the courage, to stop thinking, to be present, to be curious and to allow ourselves to be, to let everything else go and to live our life the way we want to be.
Life is not about one more day and one more chance, life is about a day less, and an opportunity gone.
Reflections
List all those things you would like to try in life, but for some reason, if you have never dared to do yet:
- What is preventing you from doing them?
- How would you feel after having successfully done at least one of them?
- How would you feel after having successfully done all of them?
- How your life would change?
And now just reflect on this simple question:
- What happens if you would never do it?
Coaching application
Being able to help a client stepping out from their comfort zone is surely not an easy task and in order to be able to challenge our clients, we surely need to be able to challenge ourselves first.
If we tackle the problem from a fear-based point of view I believe that would not really help to deliver results. Instead, I believe that helping the client is watching the problem form a different perspective can have a different result.
The possible question could be:
- What is holding you back?
- What is preventing you from achieving your goal?
- What would you need to change?
- How could you see it differently?
- What can you do differently?
- What happens if you watch it from a different perspective?
- What happens if nothing changes?
- How would you feel if that obstacle would no longer exist?
- What happens if you just do it?
- How would you feel after having done it?
Resources
[1]https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/hesitation
[2]https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/hesitation
[3]https://www.dictionary.com/browse/hesitation
[4]https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/hesitation
[5]https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hesitate
[6]https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/dare
[7]https://www.dictionary.com/browse/dare
[8]https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/dare
[9]https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/dare
[10]https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Point_Break