A Coaching Power Tool By Evgenia Videnmaier-Zink, Life Mindset Coach, HUNGARY
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain
“Making a difference is a choice. Some people make that choice earlier, some later, and some not at all. I was a late bloomer”, says Dweck in her work, giving us powerful insight. We all need to connect with our inner world as we go through an uncertain future. Even if we are not sure where our lives are going, we need to develop a sense of purpose or risk being lost. This motivation has a deep impact on decision-making and accepting the decision. The purpose is why something is created or pursued, and it is the main direction that motivates one to do something. Purpose gives significance to one’s life path, and it is the sole goal because one invests all their energy, resources, and hard work (Dweck 2019).
We have often heard the saying that ‘purpose moves mountains’, it opens up doors that did not exist. It is the motivation that keeps one in the mode of relentless pursuit of one’s dreams. Our social presence as human beings makes us suppress the social stress, fear of being judged and hinders our expansion from growing, flourishing, and living a life that could be inspiring for others. In his book, “Think and Grow Rich,” Napoleon Hill mentioned that patience, persistence, and perseverance have the powers to achieve the unachievable and make life worth remembering. He has also mentioned that whatever the state of our mind is and what we believe will ultimately shape our reality. It all starts with beliefs and ends where we stop believing (Peevy 2021).
The belief system of human beings has a serious impact on their overall wellbeing, willpower, and life purpose. Beliefs are not always what we think of, it is more. Beliefs can be both positive and negative. Negative beliefs attract negative energy, and positive beliefs culminate into constructive output for the individual. Society is filled with false information, propaganda, and negativities that vastly strike our tender minds, and in the long run, the negative beliefs get into our subconscious minds. Negative beliefs are the most potent enemies of mankind as they take us to a place of toxicity, failure, frustrations, and resentments.
Moreover, unconsciously, negative beliefs are the major reason for doubt and sink us. It is the story that we tell ourselves that matters when no one is watching. Life is a reflection of our thoughts and beliefs, and as we imagine, so shall we become (Peevy 2021).
Power Tool Purpose vs. Drifting Explanation in a Coaching Session
Purpose vs. Drifting: it is a mind shift, a space that recognizes the learned strategy to survive, and turns it into a space of trust, safety, and commitment. When we are used to living and reacting with negativity, we don’t trust our process. Core beliefs are the first way of constructing ‘reality about ourselves, others, and the external world.
We as coaches, know that our brains can change more than other people do. Similar to our physical skills learning how to drive, or learning a new language our brain also forms neural pathways in learning and practicing emotional skills. Our emotional responses to experiences in our world result from old neural pathways that developed over the span of our lives. Research has demonstrated that our environment and mind can physically alter our brains and our emotional responses. This means that emotions that we want more of in our life, like happiness, patience, tolerance, and kindness, can be practiced and learned. Other emotions, like anxiety, fear, or anger, can become less present.
It can be very beneficial for a client to understand a core belief and the associated assumptions and behaviors, understand how these beliefs once served them, and how these same beliefs now hinder them and are unhelpful for them as adults. When a client struggles with changing their negative perspective on their life and purpose, it is often because the thoughts automatically tend to be specific triggers. Often, a person becomes aware of the experienced emotion rather than the automatic thought that led to the emotion.
In a session with our client, we can practice this power tool, find the accurate self-awareness of our client, practice self-management and self-compassion, empower social skills, gratitude reflections, and much more. Explore with them the understanding of how the brain works and how this can help them to manage themselves. What we know is, that our thoughts impact our emotions, our emotions impact our behavior, and all together, our thoughts, emotions, and behavior impact our performance, this is the mantra.
This power tool process can be applied to all kinds of clients to be ready to change what holds them back on their path.
Asking Questions Like
- What do you love?
- Or, what did you especially love doing when you were a child?
- What do you enjoy about..?
- What brings you joy?
- What gifts do you bring/have? Helping the client to get a new perspective on the situation.
Then Using Further Questions Like
- Can you rephrase and explain what you are saying differently?
- What are you assuming here? What led you to that belief?
- How have some challenging life experiences shaped you?
- What do you enjoy doing in your life now that helps you move forward?
The good news is that a shift versus positivity and purpose is possible; neuroscience has given us a roadmap. It is challenging and takes patient practice, but we can collect the fruits of that work and have a safe harbor within ourselves.
Belief, attitude, and behavior change: leveraging current perspectives for counter-radicalization Available at: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/belief-attitude-and-behavior-change-leveraging-current-perspectives-for-counter-radicalisation
Dweck, C.S., The choice to make a difference. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 14(1), pp.21-25.
Peevy, C. Break & Untangle: Discover the Freedom to Be You Despite the Inherited Mindsets Holding You Back. Institute for Human Progress and Development.