A Coaching Power Tool Created by Noelle Aramais/Eva Kweitel
(Healh/Detox Coach, UNITED STATES)
A Course in Miracles says that the ego’s maxim is “Seek but do not find.” Have you noticed that some way somehow, you are always seeking something? Another thing, another person, another situation, another place, another experience. We are all seekers. Why is that? Do we even know what it is we hope to find? The United States Declaration of Independence states “All men are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, among which are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.” Is it not strange that Life and Liberty are given, but only the pursuit of happiness? Why is it that only the right to pursue happiness is acknowledged and not to happiness itself? Ultimately, is it not happiness that all are seeking?
Many of us spend our days looking outside of ourselves for true happiness, like a treasure at the end of the rainbow. What will make me happy? Maybe I need a new outfit or a new house . That will complete me and make me happy. You say to yourself “ I’m so unhappy in my married life. Maybe if I get divorced I will find my freedom again and find true happiness. Yes, this will be the answer because this is not working for me anymore. What will it take for me to feel happy? I have tried everything and nothing seems to make me happy!! I feel there might be something really wrong with me… We look outside of ourselves to receive the answer, and find happiness. Or we tend to spend our precious time blaming those around us for our unhappiness. My co-workers are so mean to me. I’d be so much happier if I quit. My kids are driving me crazy. I can’t wait for them to grow up. The neighbor’s drive me crazy when they blast their music on Sundays. Who do they think they are disrupting my life.
We question our self-worth and happiness on what others are saying about us and what they think of us,We browse through Facebook and wonder sometimes how your friends may “have it all” and your life is simply dull. You ask “What is it about their lives that is so great, that they are so happy”
How can any of us feel genuine happiness in this insane world we live in? How is it possible to focus within ourselves versus outside of ourselves when all there is is complete overwhelm, kaos on our planet and negative media, and people constantly demanding of us and our time
“Peace, quiet, and stillness is something we have to cultivate in ourselves, rather than expecting it to be our natural daily experience.
We need quiet and stillness to look deep within ourselves and to look on the inside to be able to find the answers to our life’s questions. Here we can see that pain, unhappiness and the disconnect is attributed to some form of non-acceptance and/or resistance to what is occurring in our reality. Accepting and honoring the present moment, and allowing the stillness to provide answers and ultimately find true meaning. This will allow us to experience freedom from our external world, and lead us to a state of inner peace and serenity. The more we are able to accept the present, as it is truly all we have, the more we find the ability to set ourselves free of pain, unhappiness and suffering. If we make a conscious choice to live in the present, our lives would forever change for the better and maybe we would find that beautiful treasure; that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow…..happiness, inner peace, and contentment.
Defining Looking Within and Looking Outside.
Looking within ourselves: Discovering solutions to our problems, situations and dilemmas with the focus and intent on what YOU can do to manage the situation and find peace within that particular problem, situation or dilemma; changing your own behavior or having the clarity to be able to reframe life’s issues.
Looking outside of ourselves: Trying to solve problems, situations and dilemmas with the focus and intent on what OTHERS can do to make the situation more manageable for you and expecting OTHERS behavior to make you happy; trying to manipulate OTHERS actions and thoughts to something that is acceptable to you and to something that makes YOU feel better.
Self Application
Looking Within vs. Outside
- Reflect on the following: Is there any way in your life issues and problems, can you find peace by looking within vs. solving the problem outside of yourself? If so, what does that look like for you? Explore and journal your feelings.
Looking Within vs. Outside
- Reflect on the following: Is there any way in your current life’s situations and problems that you can find peace by looking within yourself vs. solving the problem outside of yourself? If so, what does that look like for you? Explore and journal your feelings below.
- . Reflect on the following and use the worksheet to journal your answer. Compare what the journey within looks like to you vs. the journey outside of yourself. How does that feel to you? Which way feels better? Which way is more likely to lead you to peace or happiness? Close your eyes and take time to check in with your body and how it is responding and feeling. Your body carries its own wisdom and will be able to give you more clarity as to which works best for you.
Self Reflection
As you work towards focusing within yourself for inner peace, instead of an outside of yourself for the solution, in a particular situation and/or dilemma, or with a particular person, find a quiet place to stop and ask and take time to self-reflect on the wisdom you receive.
- What would make me at peace and happiness in this situation at this very moment?
- What kind of action steps can I take this very moment, to make MYSELF feel better?
- If I turn my focus within myself by closing my eyes, inhaling and exhaling deeply though my nose for a few seconds, and what baby steps feel right for me to take? How does that make me feel?
- Imagine complete acceptance of the situation that you are in. Explore accepting it as if you had made a conscious choice to do it. How does that make you feel?
Coaching Application
Using this Power Tool, “Looking Within Yourself vs. Outside of Yourself”, can be used as a platform to reframe a client’s focus on the outside world as a means to happiness which may be inhibiting the client from reaching their goals or successes. This tool allows the client to open their minds and shift their focus on to themselves, the only person that can take responsibility and actually shift their perspectives and their entire life.
It is suggested that the tool be used in session and then offered up as an ongoing homework assignment to use between sessions as necessary, and furthermore weaved into their daily lives.
