Power Tool: Resentment vs. Forgiveness

A Coaching Power Tool created by Monica Chiang
(Teen Coaching, CANADA)

What is Resentment?

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines resentment as

a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury.

It is safe to say the majority of the population feels some type of resentment towards another human being or situation. But is it healthy? When you have resentment, a major part of you closes down. You become bitter and less able to express your love. You lose the ability to enjoy life. You put up walls of protection and this makes your life more difficult. Resentment is mostly silent, quiet, and emotionally suffocating. Holding onto resentment is a choice that’s related to the need to be right. People often hold on to the need to be right because there doesn’t seem to be any other way. This need to be right gets in the way of one’s ability to feel peace, love and understanding. If continued, it can even become an obsession.

Common signs of resentment

Aggressive behavior
Fixed attention
Signs of bitterness
Negative attitude
Negative comments
Sleeplessness
Holding grudges
Faking happiness with the one you love to cover your true feelings
Making sarcastic comments
Depression
Becoming angry for no reason

What is Forgiveness?

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines forgiveness as… the act of forgiving. Forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and the thoughts of revenge. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you nor does it minimize or justify the wrong. Forgiveness does not mean you are excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you move forward with life. The only way to get out of resentment is to let go completely. Letting go of resentment is not for the benefit of the other person. Letting go of resentment is for you.