A Coaching Power Tool Created by Lydia Gayino
(Women Empowerment Coach & Leadership Coach, FRANCE)
Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.― William Shakespeare
In life things evolve, you choose a career, a partner, you have children, meet new friends and go through ups and downs. The routine of life, stagnating might lead you to start feeling stuck in the rat race. You judge your life, job, situation and you feel judged by others. These judgements can lead you to start doubting about yourself and lose track of who you truly are.
Some experiences make you feel confused, frustrated and you do not know which decisions to take and get influenced by other opinions and believes. You doubt about yourself and your ability to do things and succeed. The inner voice haunts you with beliefs which are not empowering you. Then doubt start holding you back from moving forward and reaching your objectives.
You are in the space where you can decide to stay stuck in that state of mind or make a decision to move forward but how to make decisions when you are in the doubt.
What is Doubt?
Feeling uncertain about something and not knowing if it is, the right thing to do.
Doubt is hesitation, it can paralyse or demoralizes you, its triggers fear, insecurities and demonstrate a lack of confidence.
Doubt distracts you, you feel trapped unable to move forward because you anticipate that you will fail. The judgement you have about yourself freezes you to act and you might want to seek approval from others, instead of trusting in our own ability to make a decision.
The way we decide to react to someone’s comments can trap us in that doubt state of mind and re-ignite underlying believes we had about ourself.
This doubt shows a lack of faith in our abilities and misalignment with who we believe we truly are and our actions.
We created a belief that something should be in a certain way and we believe we cannot do it or cannot have it. We entertain believes which do not serve us and maintain us in a clouded mind.
Your self-talk leads you to a language which is self-sabotaging. Becoming aware of your self-sabotaging thoughts and language will allow you to realise the damage you are creating, you can replace doubt with self-confidence.
Doubt appears in our life when we are not confident and lack clarity about our life purpose.
Moving forward will require you to go deep within yourself to gain awareness about these doubts and find faith in you to re-gain trust in your abilities to make the right decisions.
This Power tool of doubt versus confidence is about helping you to move from an unhelpful state of mind to take actions which will transform you and make you feel more fulfilled.
What is Confidence?
A feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances. Faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way. (Webster dictionary)
Confidence is introspective – it is how sure you are about things.
If you’re lacking confidence you may feel:
- uncertain of what you want and who you are
- a sense of worthlessness
- negative thoughts about your abilities and yourself in general
- you are unable to enjoy and relax in situations that you’d like to
- as if you haven’t got a sense of direction in life
If you are full of confidence you may feel:
- comfortable when facing new challenges
- excited about new opportunities
- confident about your opinions and ideas
- a great sense of achievement
- respected by other people
- at ease in social situations
- able to be yourself
- sure of yourself and what you want
Coaching application
The power tool Doubt Vs Confidence can be utilised in the coaching scenario to support a client in switching its perspective from a place of doubt to a place of faith,self-trust and action.
The coach will partner with the client to create a list of past wins to reconnect the client with high moments and review the strategies the client used at that point. The client will design his/her life purpose, set goals and illicit her values to gain clarity and reconnect with his/her true self.
Confidence comes from gaining mastery through action, changing belief patterns and self-talk, and learning to embrace failure while avoiding rumination on weaknesses and doubts.
The client will take one challenge which is aligned with his/her goal and values, leaving doubt aside and trusting his/her inner self by making decisions and acting.
The coach will encourage the client to have a positive mental attitude, using his/her mind power to trust self and gain confidence.
Support client to establish daily affirmations, acknowledge themselves and be grateful.
Check-in with the client on how to align their physical energy to support the mental attitude as body and mind work together.
Coach support Client to enhance Confidence
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Find out what the client believes about being a confident leader:
When we’re confident those thoughts and judgments are likely to be supportive. When we’re lacking confidence those thoughts and judgments of what we’re capable of are holding us back.
So, confidence is about choosing better thoughts – saying to yourself, “I am capable” and “if I try this I might fail, but I will learn and succeed from that failure”.
What you focus your attention on grows.
The coach should help the client to focus their thinking on their strengths and their capacity to meet challenges successfully.
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Identify Values
When the client feels they are showing up authentically, they will feel more positive about their abilities and experience less doubt. Putting values into action is the foundation.
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Work with the Saboteur
Identify where the client’s saboteur shows up and what it has her believe.
Then help the client to tap into her inner strength, instead of her saboteur.
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Help client rewire for action
Support client in designing actions that may be challenging but will forward learning.
Action learning – debrief actions and deepen the learning around failures or successes.
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Recognize and reframe negative thoughts
Help the client to notice negative thoughts, stop them and reframe them.
Few questions that could help in creating the awareness and the shift:
- If you had superpowers, what would you do about this situation?
- What can you learn from that experience which will help you excel in the future?
- Which situations draw out the best in you?
- How might you use the insights about yourself to develop a really motivating action plan?
- What have you achieved that you’re proud of?
Conclusion
Think confidently can help develop more confident behaviour.
Learn to manage your fears, appreciate who you are, stop comparing yourself to others, develop a positive mindset, retrain your inner voice.
Practising confidence by:
Play to your strengths, recognise your talents, qualities and strengths and use them when and wherever you can. Do things outside your comfort zone.
Learn, don’t fear mistakes. Stop being a perfectionist. Nothing and no one is perfect. It’s good to have high standards but recognise your daily life is going to have pitfalls and flaws. Accept them and move on.
Be clear about what is important to you. Set realistic goals for yourself, not unrealistic expectations.
Seek out and place yourself amongst positive people. Their optimism will lift yours.
Build a ‘board of advisors. The most confident people still ask and receive support from those around them.
Manage rejection. It’s part of life, learn to be comfortable with it and don’t lose your personal belief
References
The difference between fear and doubt
ICA Power tool Module Trust-Doubt
Coaching questions that build confidence and leverage strengths
https://www.thecoachingtoolscompany.com/7-ways-you-can-help-leaders-enhance-their-confidence-by-delaney-tosh/