A Coaching Power Tool Created by Kris Talynn
(Success Coach, UNITED STATES)
The Victim vs Victor power tool is aimed at helping clients realize their role in every situation of their lives. How a client responds to every event determines the outcome they face from that event. That response can either be one of the victims, where the event or situation is being done to them and they have no control over the outcome, or the victor, where the client is in control of the outcome based on their taking responsibility for their responses.
Limiting beliefs are one of the biggest contributors to the Victim mentality. A client believing negative thoughts about themselves or others is disempowering and often shuts the client off to other viewpoints.
An easy way to help reframe a client’s victim vs victor mindset is to play what I call the “What If” game. It’s working with the client to reframe every negative or non-supportive, fear-based What If and turning it into a powerful What If the statement of something positive. This reframing puts the client in a mindset to determine a way forward rather than staying stuck in the past.
Here’s an example:
He thinks I’m fat
He finds me attractive
I’m not smart enough
I am able to learn something new
I look stupid
I am admired for my efforts
I can’t do it
I try my best and learn and grow
Helping a client reframe their perspectives is part of my SUCCESS coaching model. Working with my clients in the C-Change Mindset phase, I ask powerful questions such as:
- What else could be true?
- What other options are there to consider?
- What would happen if that didn’t occur?
- What is another perspective?
- What could be another possible outcome?
Questions like those listed above help a client expand their view of the world and helps them move from victim to victor. When a client makes that shift, they open their minds to the possibility of something greater than themselves and their old limiting beliefs. Victim mentality like “What if I can’t” is created from limiting beliefs. Those limiting beliefs are created throughout a client’s entire life, through parents, siblings, school, church, society, etc. Victor’s “what if” reclaims their power and changes their focus.
Playing the What If game also has the power to help the client realize that even if something doesn’t occur as they want it, what’s the worst that can happen. For example, What If I Fail (victim) changes to What If I Success (Victor) but if the client still fails instead of succeeding, they are more able to see the “worst case” scenario and realize that it’s not earth-shattering anyway. And the realization that they can fail or look stupid or appear fat, for example, and still survive is the greatest outcome in the Victor mentality. It gives the client back his/her personal power.