Power Tool: Fear vs. Self Actualization

A Coaching Power Tool created by Katherine Badriyeh
(Life Coach for Women Over Fifty, UNITED STATES)

Each one of us wants to be self-actualized i.e. realize and manifest our unique purpose on this earth.   The means for doing so lies within us. Yet fear, in its multitudinous forms, is the barrier to this manifestation.  Coaching is one of the pre-eminent ways to breaking down fear and assisting a person in discovering their own means for their unique self-actualization.

Here is the way I actually coach.  Most of it is non-verbal and intuitive.

I PRE-SESSION PREP

1. Meditation or prayer
2. Review notes
3. Hold client in their magnificence
4. Silent commitment to creating a non-judgmental sanctuary for the client during session.

II THE SESSION OPENING GREETING ATTUNEMENT

The greeting is so important.  The client’s tone of voice plus the answer given to the question “How are you?” tells me how to attune myself to the client.  If client is not in a good space, empathic attunement and questions are called for.  If client is in a good space, celebratory attunement and questions around wins are appropriate. If client is in a neutral space, then it is appropriate to dive right in and ask “what would you like to get out of this session today” or “Is there an issue you’d like to work on today” in friendly attunement.  Of course these last two questions are always asked somewhere in the session, regardless of the initial emotional state of the client.

III THE BODY OF THE SESSION

The client responds to the initial question in one of the following ways:

1. Stating what they would like to achieve in the session.
2. Stating that they aren’t sure what they would like to get from the session
3. Thinking and reflecting in silence
4. Thinking and reflecting out loud
5. Venting
6. Giving voice to realizations they have had.

IMPERATIVE TOOLS I MUST USE IN EVERY SESSION

1. Active Listening
2. Mirroring
3. Questions  In a certain sense, all questions are powerful, since they further the session in some way.  If the wrong question is asked, the client will let you know and will provide the right one.  A question that is not wrong but not particularly potent will, nevertheless, further the session incrementally, however small.  Of course a powerful question furthers the client immensely.  The sky’s the limit.
4. Holding client accountable (with client’s permission)
5. Note Taking  This keeps me current with the client.  It helps with goal tracking   and accountability.  I use the notes to remind the client of their declarations and vision when they get stuck.  Reading back to the client their own words verbatim is very powerful.
6. Inquiring about next action steps  and/or goals client is willing to take.

TOOLS TO USE WHEN APPROPRIATE

A  Breathing exercises

B  Meditation

C  Prayer

D  Visualization

E  Silence.  This can be very effective and powerful after an  ah-ha moment of realization.  Just being with a client in silence, while they are taking a realization in, is to respect and honor their experience.

F  Alan Seal’s three intelligences exercise.

G Role playing

H  Inviting client to revisit and rethink certain assumptions and beliefs, if client is fearful.

I  Feedback (with client’s permission)

J   Offering, insights and observations (also with client’s permission)

K   Acknowledgement (this is very important)

L   Asking client how they are going to celebrate their wins.

IV CLOSING THE SESSION

1. Goal and action step review for coming week
2. Supportive and encouraging statements  (by me)
3. Take away (by client)

V POST SESSION

1. Review my notes and reflect.
2. Review my performance
3. Follow-up email if requested by client