His day started at 5:00 am with a run around his neighbourhood. He was at his desk by 6:30 before his family woke up. He returned home around 08:00 pm, sometimes too late to spend time with his youngest child. Because of his long hours, Peter made sure that his weekends were dedicated to his family, but lately he was starting to get emails and
calls from his boss. Even though he was annoyed by this at the beginning, he convinced himself that this was just the way it was, and he just had to deal with it.
After a while, Peter became irritated, started to fight with his wife and was short with his children. He was beginning to dread Monday mornings. At around supper time on Sunday night he would begin to feel anxious and he just didn’t want to go into work. Again he convinced himself that he didn’t have a choice and he should be grateful. After all he was the envy of all his friends and had everything he ever wanted or so he thought.
At the urging of his wife he hired a life coach. Working with his coach he realized that he had an underlying belief that was instilled in him early in life that success equated to possessing material goods. His father had been a very successful businessman. He constantly bragged about his cars, his expensive vacations, his big house, etc. and told his children “that was the only way to live”. Peter also realized that during family gatherings there seemed to be a lot of “friendly sibling rivalry” around who had the most possessions.
With his coach he realized what was truly important to him was to spend time with his family. Many of his siblings’ relationship had ended up in failure and he did not want the same to thing to happen to him. Together with his coach he worked out a way to set boundaries with his boss around work hours and personal time. He was able to hire another assistant to support him so that he could spend fewer hours at work and be with his family. To his surprise, his siblings respected his choice and told him in secret that they envied him. Even though he made less money, Peter felt happier, lighter and freer.
- How do you feel at the end of the day?
- What energizes you? How can you carry that energy throughout your day?
- What are your values and beliefs? Are you living according to these values and beliefs?
The coach can play a crucial role in supporting the client in living their authentically. When we find that a client is in denial it’s important to find what is preventing the client from living the life they truly want.
We can support them by helping them figure out what it means for them to live authentically. You can bring the client on a discovery journey – a discovery of their:
- Core values
- Life purpose
There are many methods that the coach can use including asking powerful questions, visualization, encouraging the client to meditate, journal, and increasing their awareness that they have choices in the way they live their life. The coach can also make the client aware of their self-talk and the negative messages they give themselves.
Some questions that the coach can ask:
- What does authentic life mean to you?
- When are you happiest?
- What special talents do you have?
- What do you believe in?
- What are you wise about?
- How can you honour your true feelings, your passions, your talents and your strengths?
- What does play time look like for you?
- When you want to recharge your battery, what do you do?
- How do you model authenticity in the coaching relationship?
- How can you recognize when your client is living in denial?
- What methods can you use to help your client live more authentically?
Adrienne C. (ND) http://www.caroladrienne.com/en_US/content/view/109/108/
Laumann, S. “Authentically Me”, Motivated Magazine, Waterloo p. 28