A Coaching Power Tool Created by Gerald Ebenezer
(Executive Coach, MALAYSIA)
In my coaching experience over the last year, I have come across instances where the client says this in response to a question of “where do you see this coming from?”
The client may say that there is a “need to be someone”, “ or “need to do something”, “need to behave in a certain way”, or “need to be treated in a certain way”.
In response to this feedback from the client, as a coach I have posed a question of where this perspective of “need” could be coming from? Based on my own self-reflection, it could have come from any of the following:
- The need may have come from an expectation that is externally imposed by others whom the client may respect or trust
- The need may have come from a standard that is not the client’s and something the client has come to mistakenly believe to be true.
- The need may have come from a value the client has adopted as theirs based on the desire to conform
In a few of the coaching conversations when the client has brought up “the need to”, I have posed this question for the client to reflect on as an opportunity to re-frame the perspective.
- Who would you be “if you wanted to…instead of needed to”?
- What would you do “if you wanted to…instead of needed to”?
- How would you like to feel or like to be treated “if you wanted to instead of needed to ”?
These questions seek to allow the client to consider a perspective where the “need” could be a “want” and if it were so, what seems to be coming up for the client in terms of:
- The possibilities for the being part of the client
- The possibilities for the different action steps the client could take
- The possibilities for feeling differently that emerges for the client
The acknowledgement and response to these considerations would allow the client to see whether it leaves them in a more empowering state than before, hence offering a re-framed perspective during the coaching conversation.