Power Tool: Need vs. Want

A Coaching Power Tool Created by Gerald Ebenezer
(Executive Coach, MALAYSIA)

In my coaching experience over the last year, I have come across instances where the client says this in response to a question of “where do you see this coming from?”

The client may say that there is a  “need to be someone”, “ or “need to do something”, “need to behave in a certain way”, or “need to be treated in a certain way”.

In response to this feedback from the client, as a coach I have posed a question of where this perspective of “need” could be coming from? Based on my own self-reflection, it could have come from any of the following:

1. The need may have come from an expectation that is externally imposed by others whom the client may respect or trust
2. The need may have come from a standard that is not the client’s and something the client has come to mistakenly believe to be true.
3. The need may have come from a value the client has adopted as theirs based on the desire to conform

In a few of the coaching conversations when the client has brought up “the need to”, I have posed this question for the client to reflect on as an opportunity to re-frame the perspective.

1. Who would you be “if you wanted to…instead of needed to”?
2. What would you do “if you wanted to…instead of needed to”?
3. How would you like to feel or like to be treated “if you wanted to instead of needed to ”?

These questions seek to allow the client to consider a perspective where the “need” could be a “want” and if it were so, what seems to be coming up for the client in terms of:

1. The possibilities for the being part of the client
2. The possibilities for the different action steps the client could take
3. The possibilities for feeling differently that emerges for the client

The acknowledgement and response to these considerations would allow the client to see whether it leaves them in a more empowering state than before, hence offering a re-framed perspective during the coaching conversation.