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You are here: Home » COACH PORTFOLIOS » Power Tools » Power Tool: Forgiveness vs. Revenge/Resentment

Power Tool: Forgiveness vs. Revenge/Resentment

2013/12/05

Action: “Shifting Inner Vision” 

Guided Meditation: close your eyes and take a deep breath, inhale and exhale three or four times. Allow your body and your mind to relax completely. Imagine a white light coming up and entering your body and let yourself go to a very comfortable state of relaxation. Go deeply inside your mind and imagine a pure clear white light that runs around your body and let go all the tensions and thoughts. You feel completely relaxed and connected to your higher self, where pure energy of love is to be met. Trust your inner guidance and create an intention of forgiveness for this moment.

Create an intention of forgiveness – Instruction

Ask the client to get connected to his inner guidance showing direction during this process. Ask the client to bring up the situation s/he had with the fears and the feeling of resentfulness, guilt and/or revenge; ask:

  • What was the purpose of that event in my life?
  • What lesson do I need to learn from this painful situation?
  • Ask the client to verbalize the message. Would you like to keep what is important from this experience in order to shift this state of mind?
  • Are you willing to change this situation and let go this burden? If you understand the fact that continuing in this state of mind will keep you connected to the same negative state of mind then you are ready to forgive the traumatic past event.
  • It is very important to follow the necessary steps in order to obtain awareness and clarity then forgiveness and transition will guide the new state of mind.

Step in someone else’s shoes: “Avoided Scene”

  • From this perspective can you evaluate the situation and face the challenge of being in the offender‘s shoes? How do you see yourself? Is it possible to forgive this person?
  • Are you aware of what you have done?
  • Let’s talk to your heart and look at the offender as another human being who has a lot to do and who needs to learn about life, about love. What do you think about people’s mistakes?
  • Would you like to tell the offender what s/he had done to you? Express yourself out loud and clearly.
  • Now step into the offender’s shoes, be the other one who offended you. See and ask yourself: “How am I feeling in this position?” Look at your life in this perspective: “How do you feel in that situation?” Ask yourself, as the offender: “How hard did you hurt the other person?”
  • On a scale from 1 to 10, how much aware are you of the damage caused in that event?
  • Come back to your shoes and tell the offender what you want. It is your choice to keep the resentment, guilt or revenge. If you keep it how will your life be?

The client being in the offender’s shoes will be able to see the situation from another perspective and feel the situation on an overall scale and feel the offender’s pain. This will bring a broad vision, from another perspective in his/her life. The client is invited to understand, to forgive the other counterpart and let go.

Forgiving and Letting go

Invite your inner guide to give love to both of you and allow the forgiveness in. Depending on client’s reaction and/or on what the client is experiencing the coach may ask: on a scale from 1 to 10, how much are you willing to forgive? Depending on the client’s response, the coach will determine the client’s commitment or resistance to forgiveness and to “letting go”.

Process and Action:

According to the result, a perspective will be implemented. The coach will demonstrate the importance of the implementation of the process in order to mitigate the negative emotions. It is time to act upon them.

  • From this new perspective what would be your new approach in life?
  • What are you going to do now?
  • How is your life going to be from now on?
  • Tell me your next steps in a practical way?

This step relates to the connection between the health side and the commitment to the new vision. The “letting go” of the resentment and the revenge will change the client’s life and s/he will no longer feel hurt. Indeed, instead compassion and understanding will take place. And a new “me” will unfold after all. By achieving higher levels of consciousness the client aligns to the true values of life and stay connected not only to peace but to the understanding of the purpose of the life.

Case of study

Tina, a young woman newly graduated, moved to a small town in another state to be an art teacher. She was very excited about her new career in the small town; she was accepted and everyone loved her. The new teacher became quite popular; everyone wanted to be around her. She was fascinated about her new lifestyle; everything was so magical and perfect. Her director was admiring her talent but was a little jealous of her success. She kept teaching and one day she met a young man from this town. He was shy and deeply in love with her. However, she did not have the same feelings for him even though they went out a couple of times. She realized that she was acting pretentiously around him. Her success was the most important thing in her life. After an entire year at her new school, she was accused of slandering. She got fired by her director and grew slowly into a depressing state of mind. She lost everything and her life was falling apart.

Today, when she is asked, “How was the beginning of your career?” she feels anxious and tends to avoid the subject. She keeps thinking about what happened to her. Tina feels empty inside. She keeps comparing the great life that she used to have and the horrible life that she is having now. She moved to another city, and still five years after the event, she complains that she is not the same. Her joy, her enthusiasm, her self-love had all disappeared. She lost her brightness and avoids socializing with people. After a while, Tina started to see a new man; however, she feels that she won’t be able to love him. Because she feels guilty of the way she used to treat her ex-boyfriend. She shows a tremendous desire in getting back the joy, the excitement and the self-confidence that she used to have in her past life. Her goals are: I need to get my enjoyment and excitement back in my life and get back to believe in myself.

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Filed Under: Power Tools Tagged With: erica carretero-dias, transformational life coaching united states of america

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