A Coaching Power Tool Created by Debra Ross
(Life Coach, Bermuda)
Introduction
They themselves are makers of themselves. James Allen
We are the master of our own thoughts, and we hold the keys to every situation, and contain within ourselves the power to make ourselves into whatever we consciously choose. If not consciously then we will create our lives unconsciously.
James Allen wrote “They themselves are makers of themselves” by virtue of the thoughts which they choose and encourage: that mind is the master weaver, both of the inner garment of character and the outer garment of circumstance, and that, as they may have hitherto woven in ignorance and pain they may now weave in enlightenment and happiness.
How many of us go about our daily lives wondering why things are not working out the way we want them to? We don’t have the wealth, health or happiness that we would like. Most time we are not aware that our unconscious or habitual behaviours are the underlying cause. We don’t realize how much time, thoughts and energy we spend on what we don’t want. However if we can find a way to become more consciously aware of our thoughts and behaviours then we will find that we all have the ability to achieve better feeling lives.
Being Unconscious / Living Unconsciously
If your mind carries a heavy burden of past, you will experience more of the same. The past perpetuates itself through lack of presence. The quality of your consciousness at this moment is what shapes the future.― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment
Case study
Take the case of John who is constantly telling the story of not having enough money. He almost always comments on how expensive everything is, how the government takes too much in taxes, and the banks charge too much in fees. He goes on and on about how and why he does not have enough money.
John is telling the story in such a way that keeps him focused on the feeling of lack. Because of the words he uses and emotions he projects when he tells his story, John is unconsciously focusing on what he does not want.
Or take Denise who was told when she was growing up that as a woman, she would have to work twice as hard as a man to get ahead. She works long hours and thinks that she must never let her guard down or make any mistakes. She has a lot of stress in her life because of this belief and this stress is causing Denise to experience health issues.
Denise is operating under a flawed premise that women must work harder than men do in order to get ahead in the business world. She does not realize that this belief can be the underlying cause of her stress and her health issues.
In both of these examples, the client is living their lives from habitual or unconscious thoughts and beliefs.
Being Conscious / Living Consciously
To know the true reality of yourself, you must be aware not only of your conscious thoughts, but also of your unconscious prejudices, bias and habits. …… Author Unknown
We attract into our lives what we think about all day long. The question is; are our thoughts on purpose or random? Are we being conscious of our thoughts and the feelings they generate? If we are not in a state of awareness then we can unconsciously or habitually create a reality that is not to our liking.
It is important to become consciously aware if our thoughts serve us or not. If we unconsciously go about our day, weeks and even months not paying any attention to the thoughts and emotions we generate then we end up creating a life by default. However, once we become aware, now we can make a conscious decision to start the work of creating new thoughts which in turn will create new emotions and a life on purpose.
Living consciously means that we take time from our daily routines to examine and speculate about what of kind of person we want to become. We need to challenge our most deeply held assumption about who we are. “What if” questions are critical to this process: What if I stop being an unhappy person? What if I no longer worry or feel guilty or hold grudges? What if I begin to tell the truth to myself and to others? What would I have to say, do, think and act like in order to present myself differently to the world? What do I want to change about myself?
In order to live consciously we need make a conscious decision to interrupt the flow of non-serving habitual thoughts that occupies most of our waking moments and replace them with new thought patterns that will move us toward a more joy filled existence.
Self-Application
Cultivate the habit of making aware choice. Your choice makes your destiny. Do not be carried away by the unconscious choices.― Amit Ray
Become consciously aware of the way you tell your stories all day long. Pay close attention to the words you use when you describe what you want to achieve in life. For example if you were describing your idea partner, would you spend more time explaining what you don’t want or do you spend more time describing what you do want? When you talk about money, do you often talk about what you cannot afford, or how expensive this and that is? Or do you spend time appreciating what you can afford?
- Notice if the words you use when you describe what you would like to experience, possess, or know. Do the words create a feeling of lack or abundance?
- Look in a mirror and describe your physical self and notice what you pay attention to.
- Be conscious of the feelings that your words evoke when you tell your stories.
- Make a list of all the things in life that you are grateful for.
- Ask a friend to tell you every time you talk about what you do not want.
- What is my prevalent mood? Is that a habit?
- What does it mean to you to have a full and rich life?
Coaching application
As a coach we can be the conduit to help our clients become consciously aware of their thoughts and become aware of the emotions that they are creating. If our clients become conscious of their emotions then they will become aware of how these thoughts and emotions influence their actions and create their reality.
Let’s look at the case studies mentioned previously. John is not aware that he is telling this story unconsciously and that it is not serving him. Denise is not aware that her belief that she must work harder than her male co-workers is the underlying cause of her stress and her health.
As John’s coach, we can help him become consciously aware of how he is feeling when he is telling his story about money. We can ask John if he feels light or heavy when he discusses money. We could ask him to re-tell the story in such a way that would leave him with a feeling of positive expectation. For example instead of saying that the item is too expensive, he might say and notice that the item is truly beautiful, and is very well made and therefore worth the price. Even if he chooses not to purchase the item, this perspective leaves John with an appreciation for the beauty of the item and an appreciation for how well it is made, etc. He also creates a sense of personal power because he made a conscious choice regarding the purchase of that item.
As Denise’s coach, we can help her become aware that her belief around women having to work harder is what is ultimately causing her health issues.
Holding a space where that our clients can identify their unconscious beliefs and habits allow them to become aware of how those beliefs influence their behaviours. The client is then encourage to make a conscious effort to engage in new ways of living their lives as well as new ways of telling their stories that focus them towards more of what they want instead of what they don’t want.
Questions that may help both clients:
- How can you create a feeling of abundance in your life?
- Where do you have unrealistic expectations of yourself?
- What’s one change you could make that would give your more peace & calm?
- What does the way you’re living your life say about you?
- What price have you paid for this belief?
- If you could travel back in time and meet yourself as a teenager, what would you tell yourself?
Reflection
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Wayne Dyer
By understanding how thoughts contribute to our character, our circumstances, our body, our visions and what we have achieved in life, we can begin the process of making conscious choices that will blossom into inspired actions and in turn will bear the fruit of opportunity and circumstance.
- How could you reframe your story so that if feels uplifting?
- Can this uplifting feeling be generated in any other way?
- What else in your life creates that same feeling?
- What does it mean to you to have a full and rich life?
Keep in mind that whatever you spend your time consciously attending to is what you will become.
When we consciously focus on the way that we tell our stories and make a decision to tell them from a more powerful position we create a life of possibilities and create greater knowledge and awareness. Once we are aware, we can never be unaware again and as such we cannot help but produce a life of possibilities.
References:
Joe Dispenza. 2008, Evolve Your Brain: The Science of Changing your Mind
Esther and Jerry Hicks. 2010, Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires