A Coaching Power Tool Created by Dalia El Seddik
(Life Coach, EGYPT)
You Can’t Heal an Emotional Wound with Logic maybe this phrase has nothing to do with this power tool is about, but really I were touched with. And I have promised myself to write what touches my heart first, in order to touch others heart.
We all born Heroes, God create us and put all Heroes characteristics in our hearts. We are the ones who choose to move from invisible to visible heroes. Give ourselves and others the chance; to thank Allah (God) for its gifts. Have the chance to walk the talk, to live as example for others.
We still heroes whether we choose to be invisible or visible. Why in both we are heroes, simply because we all were created for a reason. Some of us knew their mission in life and some couldn’t know. But still either ways we accomplish this mission.
May Allah (God) create me for just one reason. It can be to help a certain person in a certain situation, or maybe to send her/him a message. It’s like a huge Matrix we live in this world.
Some of us dare to challenge themselves to find their bigger purpose in life. The greater reason of why Allah (God) creates us.
This power tool is about changing our perspective to dare to find our path in life and to live in visibility. To accept ourselves, live in harmony, free of judging ourselves or others, free of being affected with others judgment.
In dictionary Hero is: a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities.
In my own dictionary a HERO is: a person who knows her/himself very well. Know what they are capable of doing. Know their talents and how to fully use. Know how to live in balance with themselves and others. Manage to balance tolerance and boundaries –same as mentioned in Katrina Kandelidou blog. Respect, accept and Love her/himself and others. They express what s/he believes in, walk the talk. Live in peace, free of judging and easy on her/himself and others. Have compassion, empathy toward her/himself and others. Brave, courage, believer, responsible, free, accept her/his capabilities, free of fear, accept acknowledgment, know what s/he deserve, authentic, creative, can try new things.
A common ground for visible and invisible with different levels is they love, know how much we worth, capabilities, treat ourselves with tender, compassion, letting go of perfectionism ideas, and don’t blame ourselves or others, accept what happens as a way to learn.
Babies are born knowing their self-worth; as life moves on, the comments, expectations, and attitudes of other people can wear down this natural sense of self-worth. Self-worth is what enables us to believe that we are capable of doing our best with our talents, of contributing well in society, and that we deserve to lead a fulfilling life. Building it up again is therefore natural, essential, and healthy.
A child who is raised in encouraging, supporting, understanding, free of judging and loving environment, is a child who lives in harmony and alignment with her/his values.
As we can see the LOVE a person can have in her/his family and social surrounding has a very important impact on him. It can move you in this life with a feeling of happiness, competent, not afraid to face anything in life not only this but feeling the courage and support to explore new areas.
What is LOVE: The English word “love” can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection (“I love my mother”) to pleasure (“I loved that meal”). It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment. It can also be a virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection—”the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another”. It may also describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one’s self or animals.
What is love means to me; Love is the most powerful factor moves any creature we know. You can see how mother or father move or do incredible things to save their children from any danger threat them.
Love not only in danger situation reveals itself. It motivate person to gain more money to buy a gift for his/her beloved one. Love can also motivate to accomplish a job they love.
We differ in how we see love. Some define it as giving all the way all the time. I don’t think that’s true. Simply because when you are in love with someone and here I don’t mean only love between man and woman, I mean any love, everyone in this relation is trying him/her best to give don’t wait for the other person to give. The person listens to his/her feelings telling him/her to make the other person happy and at ease. That’s will reveal both are trying their best to make the other person happy.
Imagine a world full of love, all hate has vanished. Every person is walking with heart full of love. Just image this world and keep it life in your mind. I think if we all did this one day we will wake up and this world is here in front of us. J What a lovely and happy world, I can see it in front of my eyes. J
The same idea were shared in Howard Martin video, engaging the intelligence of the heart , let me summarize what he says; what’s heart qualities: 1- source of emotions like, love, care, appreciation and compassion, 2- the ability to overcome obstacles, 3- the hero within, 4- core of your authentic self, 5- greater discernment of intuitive clarity, 6- deeper connection with yourself and others. Heart radiates an electromagnetic field that energetically affects each other’s moods, attitude and feelings. There is evidence of a global effect when a large number of people create similar outgoing emotional waves, whether stressful and incoherent, or positive and coherent. His research hypothesis; that strong collective emotional intention has a measurable impact on the earth’s geomagnetic field, for example when a group of people experience a bad feelings you will feel their mood in the air. These geomagnetic fields around the world affect us and we find changes in health and heart.
What that had to do with my thoughts? Actually it’s the core of my thoughts; is our heart intelligence inherited or teachable? The way we were raised shapes our hearts intelligence and the experiences we go through during our life journey.
If our families give us Love, Care, Support, compassion, and kept feeding our hearts with all these positive feelings, what will happen? It is going to change our hearts intelligence to positive shining.
Experience love in childhood, shapes the way we see the world and the way express it to others. It also shapes our personalities, feeling confident, secured and eventually move freely in life.
We may think that being invisible is easier and safer for us. Now I can say surely in my opinion it’s not at all. We may due to some circumstances and life experiences feel it’s better to fulfill our mission and help others while we are invisible. We may feel less responsibility, less judged, less blaming, more down to earth. But actually because I used to be in this invisibility situation, I felt it’s better for me to stay in there. Now I can say it’s not safer at all, on contrary. It put a lot of burden and responsibilities on your shoulders as you feel you had to manage situation perfectly without any mistakes because you feel you are managing others and their acts in life.
Does the movie director have less responsibility than actors? Definitely not, he bears a huge responsibility to manage movie crew, but where he is, he is invisible for audience.
I think when person become accepting the idea s/he deserves being acknowledged, and accepting the idea nothing is perfect and we learn from our mistakes. In this moment s/he becomes ready to stand visible and declare I am a hero.
All heroes shares same elements of being good from inside. What make some of them prefer being invisible and others prefer visibility? (Different level of Love they raised on, experiences shaped their lives, and interaction with other groups (society, school, and friends).
We need to understand that Heroes who choose to be visible don’t mean they are arrogant or want to show up. It can mean that these heroes accepted God’s gift and they have been nourishing it by using it more and more to let everyone know how they are grateful to God. Appreciation we receive from others it’s not only directed for us but directed to God, who gave us the ability and willing to help. By choosing being visible, we teach others what it means to be hero, how to help and being able to give. “Walk the talk”.
We invalid ourselves directly or indirectly when we choose to be invisible. Why this? In every situation and on every person we know we feel responsible. We start question ourselves whether we were good or not good enough while we helped people around us. Especially we choose to be responsible on them with or without their permission to help them. In case we helped without their demand to help them, they may not give us the appreciation we feel we worth. We start feel we are used by others. This kind of thoughts grows inside us and absorbs a huge amount of our energy. Energy wasted either in thinking how to help who didn’t ask for our help in first place, and energy on thinking they didn’t appreciate our help that much.
What changed my perspective from invisible to visible hero;
- I used telling myself and others, “I like being invisible hero”. Now I start thinking why I chose to be invisible hero? What I have gained from this? Was it worth? What was the reason behind preferring to be invisible than visible? Know I remember, it was a sentence that kept repeated over and over in my head; “Dalia you should be sure before talking or taking action, you don’t want to be embarrassed”. This sentence, when I go back, I found it stands between me and situation; I could behave differently if it didn’t exist in my mind. Ask myself, what other words or sentences that kept coming to your mind that keeps you from going forward? What would happen if you element this word from your head? Now we are in the present moment, and you can element this word from your head, what would you do now?
- My constant prayer to God to made me his way to help people on earth. I felt if I stayed invisible, refusing or denying I deserve appreciation it’s like refusing to give people the chance to thank God for sending me to help. This idea came to me while coaching a client of mine.
- An 8 year old girl, the mother asking her daughter what are you doing? The girl; I’m helping the ants. The mother how you are helping the ants? The daughter; in building their homes. The mother seeing that the little girl is destroying ants’ homes. The mother did they asked for your help? No it didn’t ask for my help. Mother how could you know they want your help and the way of helping they need if you didn’t ask or they requested your help? From this situation I learned a lot. And start questioning my position and its impact on me and others in my life.
- When I got annoyed with feeling of being used. Made me think am I used really or it’s an idea in my head? When I feel being used? In which situation I feel used? If you feel used by others how can I change this? Do I want to stop help others? What technique I can use to feel comfortable? How would I reach the balance between helping and setting boundaries for others? What are my priorities?
- I learned from coaching process. The first question we ask the client, how can I help you? Confirming to the client that I am here just for helping her/him. By this question and confirmation I reached the core of being free.
- What need you need to fulfill?
- What would you feel when you fulfill this need?
- Is this need very strong that can drive you to achieve it?
- On scale from 1 to 10 where 10 is the most important, please rate this need?
- What kind of support you need to reach it?
- What keeps you from fulfilling this need?
- How does being invisible hero helping you in fulfilling this need?
- In few words can you describe yourself?
- Can you imagine your life looks like after fulfilling this need?
- What does empower you?
- How to find your empowering tool?
- What words empower you?
- What words disempower you?
- Have you observed your language to yourself?
- What is this way of language doing to you?
- Are you satisfied with this language?
- How would you change it to something benefit you?
- How would measuring your goals achievement may help you?