A Coaching Power Tool Created by Csilla-Maria Barta
(Life Coach, ROMANIA)
In historical times, it was thought, that being able to say the name of whatever demon one was dealing with gained power over it. The most compelling reference to this is in the New Testament as Jesus is performing an exorcism by asking the demon’s name in order to expel it from the possessed man.
Hiding from fear
In our days we are not using the proverbial meaning of demons, but as a metaphor of our fears, insecurities, doubt, negative beliefs, underlying beliefs that keep us from moving forward with our lives, making the thing we desire to happen.
These demons usually act on an unconscious level, driving us towards or away from certain situations, making us react in certain ways mostly out of our control.
Hiding from our fears or hiding our fear usually means giving in to them, giving them power over us and accepting a kind of choiceless state. In this state we actually do make one choice, that is to allow our fears and insecurities to run our lives, we make decisions based on them and not on our best interest.
Awareness of fear – the benefits of naming your “demon”
Recognizing these “demons” by creating awareness about them helps us accept and work around them to achieve our goals.
The idea of identifying our fears as a way of dealing with them can be found all over our culture, from psychological applications to poetry and music.
Getting below the surface and identifying the real “demons” requires work, deep self-knowledge and a great deal of persistence and so, coaching can be a great help in this process.
I found in my coaching experience, as a coach but also as a client, that doing this work of self-discovery and facing one’s “demons” really works as a tool for getting over your blockages and is a big step forward in achieving your desires.
Giving them a “name” or a definition materializes our “demons” making them accessible and easier to tackle. It takes them out of our unconscious minds to a conscious level thus giving us the feeling of power over them.
Once we know what problem we are dealing with, we find easier the variations of solutions to solve it.
Exploring the current situation and identifying the fear or belief behind going forward
Getting to the core of fears and insecurities takes a lot of exploring, we need to dig deeper and deeper into our thoughts and feelings until we find the one that controls the others.
The scope of the coaching conversation is to arrive at that“aha moment” of the client when he/she realizes the actual fear standing behind their blockage.
Questions the coach could ask to help the exploration:
- What are you afraid of?
- What are you resisting?
- Where does this fear come from? How long did you have it?
- What if you tried… and failed?
- What would failure look like?
- What is real about this fear? How do you know the difference?
- How might you embrace a fail?
- How is this fear serving you?
Discovering alternative outcomes that the client is comfortable with
Once this fear is recognized and accepted by the client as a part of themselves the next step is to find the alternative outcomes, the options and choices and the endless possibilities these can carry in them.
Questions the coach could ask to help the discovery:
- Now that you know what you are afraid of, what options do you see?
- How can you change the story?
- How would the “fearless” you proceed?
- What would success look like?
- What if you tried… and succeeded?
- What would you gain by going forward?
There are some exercises that can help in this process of identifying the fear behind our actions or non-actions. They can also help in the designing of new possibilities:
- An imaginary conversation between self and the fearless self
- Challenge your belief (an exercise for defining where our “demons” come from and what can we do to change the way we see them).
Naming our “demons” through coaching can have a significant impact on our lives as we learn to face our fears, to move past them and take actions or make decisions that serve our goals.
The more we do this exercise, the more used we get with this perspective and it eventually becomes a way to look at our blockages in life.
ICA – ENGLISH CAMPUSCourse: Coaching PresenceModule: Underlying Beliefs
ICA – ENGLISH CAMPUSCourse: Coaching PresenceModule: Creating Awareness
And a very special thanks to my dear friend and wonderful therapist, Anca Fuiorea, for introducing this idea to me. It saved me in more ways than you can imagine.