A Coaching Power Tool Created by Chrysline Kirassian
(Life and Transitioning Coach, SWITZERLAND)
To build a solid life, we should start working on the foundations, properly stabilizing and enrooting us. We could focus first on our inner security feelings: respecting our identity and personal values, and embracing our capacities and desires. The best way is to consciously give a direction to our life, in the present, being more responsible, open and true to ourselves, in touch with our inner self and free from all dependences (image, judgements, others’ reactions, “shoulds”…). This allows us to anchor ourselves, focusing on “What do I want to do with my life?” rather than « What is life getting for me? ».Like a little child, we therefore decide to enjoy every single step of the way of our lives. We choose to enjoy the journey…
The reality is, no matter how much you achieve, accomplish, and acquire in life… there is always something more. You might never “reach” your final destination—at least not in this life! So, why does all this matter? Because far too many people put off what really matters in pursuit of the things they want to achieve. They tell themselves that they will worry about these things once they have reached their destination. However, a key to obtaining real peace in our lives could be to focus on enjoying the journey, taking the time to “smell the roses,” and focusing on what is really important in life. Sure, it is great to focus on destinations, but the most important thing is that you learn to be happy — right here and now.
My power tool is about this empowering shift in perspective from the expectations to the intent:
- From focusing on future outcomes àto focusing on the process in order to achieve those outcomes.
- From the destination, the goal à to the journey to reach this destination.
- From being on auto-pilot, undergoing events, being a victim of all possibilities àto becoming driver of one’s life, living fully in the moment, following a conscious nurturing purpose.
Re-framing this way of seeing things is showing that reality is not the problem. Our posture and our focus are. By using the power of thinking or visualization - creating one’s reality - we can choose to experience a bigger sense of freedom. Everything is ok and perfect as it is now. We let go of the importance of the results and open ourselves up to whatever Life brings us. We focus on the first step in going in the direction of our purpose in Life, because we do believe that whatever will get in the way, will be to fulfil this aim. Difficulties or failures might show up, but as opportunities to learn,grow, and re-focus on what really matters to us right here and right now. Staying in the present, being grateful for what is here is a way to appreciate Life as an empty-full glass, full of wonderful things to enjoy!
The definition of intent is the“intention, purpose, aim, inner choice, decision, determination or full attention, consciously applied to an area of focus, in order to go in that direction”.One might set an intent for the next hour, day, week or year. It can change and evolve in time, as long as it is something supporting us, it is very personal and individual.
When we have an intent about something, and are open to the actual (and possibly different) outcome, there is an opportunity to learn and grow, getting whatever comes out. It’s an open curiosity to the present moment, and the unfolding of that particular moment, without attachment, as we cannot fully know the impact of our thoughts, words and actions. We commit in a way to staying still, watching and learning, thus focusing on the excitement, sense of play and determination. Like the child ready for whatever pops out of the magical box of Life!
It is key to precisely define our intent, what we want in life, where we would like to go. We are not supposed to understand the essence of it but to be in motion towards it. Meaning that if our intent is “to be happy”, we don’t need to know “how” to be happy but only that we wish to be happy and are ready to open up to the happy side of every possible aspect of our life.
Without a precise goal, there is no intent. Without intent, there is no direction in Life. Without direction, we cannot move forward. The clearer we are on our vision, the closer we will get to this vision. It is like launching an arrow to reach the desired target…
Reflections on coaching application
INTENT → IN → in ourselves. We therefore realize that we have the power to activate this inner source. We can commit to ourselves, our thoughts, consciously exploring and experimenting the creative process of life. This posture gives us freedom along with a great sense of responsibility. It is in our control to set this intent and to live a resonating fulfilling life, enjoying every possible element along the way…
Some questions to access the power of our intent could be:
- What do YOU want? OR What do you want to fulfill in your life?
- Where do you want to go with your life? OR Where do you want to go next?
- What are your objectives in life? OR What is your next objective in life?
- What makes you happy?
- What are your priorities in life?
- What do you want to achieve, build etc.?
- Who would you like to be?
- What would you do for yourself if you had a magic wand?
- Who are you when you are the best version of yourself?
- How would it feel to be that person OR to be in that place (being happy, fulfilled, etc)?
With those powerful questions, we encourage spontaneity and inspiration and get precise information about: emotions, feelings, thoughts, desires, dreams, images, colours etc. This is the creativity principle: focused thinking + intense desire =outcome. Focused thinking is a resourceful tool at the forefront of most things; when associated with strong emotions, it becomes reality!
Every intention is a trigger for transformation. As soon as you decide that you want something, your nervous system responds to reach your desired goal. Deepak Chopra
The definition of an expectation is“to await, to consider reasonable, due or necessary a specific outcome”. Synonyms could be suppositions, assumptions, predictions, beliefs, presumptions, projections, etc. This negative anticipation creates a fantasy world in which people have strings attached, preconceived notions, limiting beliefs, concerns. It shuts out perspectives for emerging learnings thus restraining the experience of Life.Those elastics could be attached to oneself or others through social norm, image, judgments, dogmas, educational patterns, etc. Or so called the Pandora box of complex…
The connotation behind this is that we strongly believe that something is probable or certain to happen. It carries a certain weight and sense of past / future attachment, as if one might experience loss if the outcome is different than expected. In a way, we set ourselves up for an argument with reality: by having expectations, we have already created a narrative about “how it’s going to go” and are firmly expecting that story to unfold.
When you are attached to a certain outcome, you are expecting things to happen at a certain time and in a certain way. But when it doesn’t, you are frustrated, disappointed, you feel dis-empowered. Expectations bring those doubts, fears and an inherent danger because of the constant uncertainty around the specific desired goal. You are speculating every day on what could or what could not happen. This conditionality limits your perception of reality.
Reflections on coaching application
EXPECTATIONS → EX → outside of ourselves, of our control. Very often, we are discouraged when things turn out wrong or turn not the way they should have. We even loose hope and quit, thinking it was meant to be, it was destiny. We blame ourselves and point at external factors. We become more passive, detached, focusing on the future outcome not achieved. We see the world or our world as a half-empty glass. Actually by not looking at the big picture, by zooming in too much, we are missing opportunities to acknowledge good things coming our way…
Some questions to move from this place to a more empowering posture could be:
- What does it feel like when you are living by expectations or undergoing influences (yours or outside ones)?
- What are the behaviours you demonstrate when you have expectations?
- How are those feelings and behaviours supporting you in your life?
- How would you like those feelings and behaviours to be?
- What do you need to let go in order to have the supporting structures you want in life?
- When did you last experience living something fully without any expectation attached?
- Describe what it feels like when you are living something fully without any expectation attached?
- How would you feel if you followed no agenda, no expectations on your journey of life?
It is preferable to live without having expectations on the “when” and “why”. Create what you want, cut non-supporting strings and free yourself. Do what your heart / gut tells you, without judging the actions by the outcome. As long as your behaviours reflect your true identity and conviction, then you have done everything in your power and what will come will be perfect. When you free yourself from expectations, you can live in the flow and in a mindful fulfilling life!
I personally came to the conclusion of this Power Tool while running a few weeks ago. I used to run to exercise, to release tension, feel energized and in a way to activate my mindful source, living in a flow. Running is like a meditation to me: body, mind, emotions and outside power all gathered together at the same time and place to fulfill my need and desire to enjoy the moment (my moment).
However, on that particular Monday, I felt really frustrated and disappointed after my first 2km. My breathing was hard, my legs were super heavy and I couldn’t help myself think that I needed to run quicker and longer, doing this or that to improve my objective. My head was getting so much in the way that I stopped and walked for a while. At this very specific moment, I started talking to myself, aware that something was not right. Why was I feeling so useless in a moment meant to empower myself? Why was I so hard on me in a moment where I was looking for compassion, self-care and self-esteem? How could I be so tense when I was looking to release tensions?
In a split second, I realized that I had lost the real focus…The initial intent was running and being present while doing it to the best of my ability; to have zero attachment to any specific outcome; to be completely absorbed with the motion of my legs and body, with the inspiration from my mind and “feel good” of my emotions. Not to mention the balance with nature and its energy. However, I let specific outcomes get in the way: my chronometer, my distance, my foot position, etc. By holding a preconceived idea on how this run should look like, it thwarted the joy out of it because I was too busy being fixated on only one small detail within the intensity of it all. My expectations were here, hopelessly limiting and disappointing.I let them and my projections of what a runner should do get in my way. I lost the real focus of me running; I lost my intent to enjoy every single step of the flow.
Since then, I have decided to use some mindful tools before each run, to make sure I am connecting to my internal motivation to carry it through. I have started an internal dialogue voicing my intent for this moment: “I want to have a nice time… I want to have fun… I want to be in the flow… I want to go above and beyond still feeling proud and happy of me…etc.” I have chosen to combine it with a visual ritual, focusing on a colour or an image of what I want for myself.
These tools, affirmations, visualizations, or others, such as the meditation, the mantras, the vision board or the gratitude journal are definitely supporting structures to activate the power of intent. It helps me to connect to my inner voice and re-frame my way of doing things or enjoying things, making sure I stay in the present moment and enjoy every single step of my run / my life.
There is nothing to expect, nothing to succeed in, just a conscious intent to open oneself up to all things that could come out, whatever they are. It’s a bit like the paradox of meditation: doing nothing and still getting so much! My power tool Intent versus Expectations is all about this daily way of seeing Life.