A Coaching Power Tool Created by Benjamin Hung
(Life Coach, HONG KONG)
For some individuals, it is inherently difficult to undertake new tasks and challenges. Something as simple as deciding to take a new route to a familiar destination can lead to resistance and push back. When a new situation or challenge is imposed upon us, it can lead to panic and a lack of confidence. Despite one’s best intentions, amazingly talented individuals can sometimes struggle when it comes to starting a new exercise regime, studying a new subject, or considering a change at work.
Fear and struggle arise. Essentially one feels like a beginner. A beginner is a rookie – with no experience and no developed skills necessary to overcome the challenge ahead. Being thrown into a swimming pool when you are unable to swim. Being asked to play the piano when you have never played any instrument before.
If we feel like a beginner, we can easily entertain some of the following thoughts that can stop us from moving forward:
- I don’t want to fail. It's easy to be paralyzed once you ask yourself questions like "What if I'm not capable? What if I'm not good at it? What if, what if, what if?"
- I don’t want to look silly. No one wants to be told - after they have failed - that they did not think it through.
- I don’t think I am truly capable of overcoming the challenge at hand. I have finite money and resources so I should not be committed unless I am more certain of success.
- It’s too difficult to get traction and to get things going. I’ll get distracted too easily. I won’t be able to build up inertia because I can’t trust myself.
- Who is going to help me? I can’t do this by myself and no one is in my shoes.
These are legitimate fears. Especially when it comes to doing something new. We all remember the first time we went to school by ourselves. The first time we got into a swimming pool. The first race. It’s not easy being a beginner. It’s not being a rookie.
Expert
Life is a lot easier when we are an expert at everything that comes our way. When a challenge is familiar and has been undertaken before, even if it is difficult, it loses some of its fear factors. To a lawyer, every trial or court hearing that he/she has to attend will be difficult and challenging. Especially the first few. But by the time a lawyer prepares for and attends their twentieth or thirtieth hearing, the lawyer should be in the process of becoming an expert and having increasing confidence.
When I was younger, I learned how to play tennis. I then learned how to play table tennis. Following that, I learned how to play squash. Even though each sport is different, they essentially involve hand-eye coordination and using a racket to hit a ball. By the time I learned how to play badminton, I had become more of an expert in racket sports. Though it was challenging, I drew upon my experience of learning other racket sports and took confidence that I had been able to learn and play tennis, table-tennis, and squash to a reasonable level. I was, therefore, able to approach learning badminton with more of an expert attitude. The confidence was a helpful catalyze in my drive to learn how to play badminton. My attitude was more confident. For example:
- It’s unlikely that I’m going to fail in learning how to play badminton because I’ve learned how to play a racket sport before and I can do it again.
- I won’t look silly. I’ve done this before. I’ve undertaken the process of learning a racket sport before and I will do it again. It has worked several times and it will work again.
- I might have finite money and resources but I have more than enough time to meet this challenge of learning badminton. I know how long it will take and I have sufficient time to do it. I’ve don’t it before and I will do it again.
- It might be hard to get traction and get things going, especially at the beginning, but I’ve persevered and succeeded before. I’ve put the distractions aside before. I managed to build up inertia before when learning tennis, table-tennis, and squash and I can do it again.
- Help always comes along. Better skilled tennis, table tennis, and squash players have always come alongside me in all my sporting journeys and there is no reason why it’s not going to happen again.
Attitude change
There are occasions when we are genuinely beginners. But there are also occasions when we may feel like we are beginners but we are not. Whilst we may not have undertaken the same task before, we probably have done something similar and a lot of our learned skills are transferable. Just because we haven’t done the same situation doesn’t mean that our past experiences, skills, attributes, and lessons can not be applied to the current situation. We might be experts but we just have not realized it. Here are some examples:
|
New Challenge |
Beginner Doubts |
Transferable Past Success |
Expert Truth |
|
Starting a new course |
It’s challenging, it’s difficult and I might not pass any exams or assessments. |
Graduated from primary school, high school, university, etc. |
This isn’t any different from graduating from these previous education levels. The new course wasn’t chosen out of context. You put in some thought before you chose it. And just like you selected your university degree, you selected this course. And as you graduated from university, you will graduate from the new course! |
|
Learning how to hand glide |
I don’t want to look silly and fail. What if my learning process is not solid and I can’t pick it up? |
Learned how to drive |
This isn’t too different from learning how to drive. You had to learn a whole set of new hand foot-eye co-ordination skills once before. And just like you learned how to drive, you can learn how to hand glide. |
|
Changing professions |
I only have finite money, resources, and time. What if I am not capable and I risk losing it all? |
Previously entered into a profession |
You’re already in a profession. You had to learn and adapt and undergo different types of training to enter into this profession. You didn’t use up all your money and time to enter the first time around. |
|
Moving to a new city? |
What if I struggle to get along with people and have no friends? |
Previously made friends in high school, college, work, and formed community. |
You’ve got on with people in the past. You have had friends at every stage of your life. Why will you not have many friends as you enter into this new environment? |
The way to catalyze this shift in attitude is through asking powerful questions. For example:
|
New Challenge |
Doubts |
Powerful Question |
|
Starting a new course |
It’s challenging, it’s difficult and I might not pass |
What challenging tasks have you done before? |
|
Learning how to hand glide |
I don’t want to look silly and fail. What if my learning process is not solid and I can’t pick it up? |
What did you successfully learn in the past? How did you succeed? |
|
Changing professions |
I only have finite money and resources. What if I am not capable and I risk losing it all? |
What can you learn from when you entered into your current profession? |
|
Moving to a new city? |
What if I struggle to get along with people and have no friends? |
How have you gone about making friends in the past? |
Once there has been a shift of attitude towards that of an expert, the client can face the challenge with considerably more confidence. The client can draw on his past experiences which become a memory bank of encouragement and ideas to propel him through any inertia paralysis. As the client begins to believe and act like the expert that he or she is; the client is then less likely to repeat and reinforce the negative beliefs that hold him back. Furthermore, the client’s self-talk is likely to be more positive and encouraging.
