From a coaching standpoint, this situation can be present in people and manifesting the following characteristics:
- Intense desire to close the loop
- Perfectionism quest
- Not being able to forgive others for real or perceived faults
- Being hard on oneself to the point of not being able to love oneself and be kind to oneself.
Here are potential questions to coach around this subject:
- Why do you feel the need to close the loop?
- What are the implications to you personally when you do so?
- What are the implications to you personally when you don’t do so?
- What do you think will happen if you don’t close the loop?
- How do you think the other person will feel when you constantly badger him/her to close the loop?
- What impact does your quest for perfectionism have with respect to your
- Social life
- Hobbies or personal pursuits
- What happens when you let go?
- Can you think of examples of when you have let go and what has been the impact of that?
- How did you feel then?
- How do you feel now?
- What is more important to you? Being perfect or getting the job done? Why?
- Can you share examples of when you were perfect?
- How did you feel?
- What impact did it have on you?
- What do you think even in that situation you could have done better?
- What would the impact of being less than perfect been?
- How easy is it for you to love yourself?
- How easy is it for you to forgive yourself?
- How easy is it for you to love others?
- How easy is it for you to forgive others?
Linkages with the ICF Competencies
2nd competency – Establishing the Coaching Agreement – this is actually consistent with closure.
3rd competency – Establishing Trust and Intimacy with the Client – this entails being able to close out things. This also pre-supposes patience when things don’t get closed out.
5th competency – Active Listening – active listening will unearth opportunities for either closure or leaving it open.
6th competency – Powerful questioning – will help to put this power tool in motion and unearth different perspectives for the client.
7th competency – Direct Communication – Opportunities to either close or keep it open or re-visit at a later stage.
8th competency – Creating Awareness – this is fully brought to bear in a situation like this as the client may not even be aware of this compulsive behavior like I was.
9th competency – Designing Actions – This can certainly be deployed while crafting actions/explorations outside the coaching session – Eg. Being more aware of this, the number of times in a week you do or let go.
10th competency – Planning and Goal setting – In a desire to be more impactful, one can resort to having specific action plans tailored to reduce the undesired behavior.
11th competency – Managing Progress and Accountability – this can be employed with great effect to help client rid themselves of negative prejudices.