A Coaching Power Tool Created by Alexandra Wang
(Life Coach, GERMANY)
When to Apply…
- When we identify with an externally given attribute, position, or status, we may become attached to it - by claiming exclusivity, and thereby distinguishing ‘my’ from ‘your’ position.
E.g.: “You have to distinguish between their responsibility and ours: we are Division A and they are B. It is their (B’s) job to make sure that this task gets done for project X, not ours. We cannot do anything in this matter.”
Or: “Because I work hard, I deserved to earn this much money to own my house and car. I don’t want any immigrants come to live in our country because they could steal my wealth or job.”
- Attachment leads to a defensive mode, fearing the loss of an attribute or status. It creates a perspective of opposition: I vs. You, We vs. They, feeding a victim mode:
“The top management has decided that we, Division A, are to cooperate with Division B. We are thereby delivering more work than they do. This is unfair.”
“I am the citizen of a wealthy country. Now, the immigrants come to benefit from our welfare system, and take away our wealth that I also have worked for. This is not right.”
- The perspective of separation leads to a disruptive state, spending energy on dissatisfaction and complaint rather than contentment and contribution. To shift this perspective and allocate constructive energy on movement forward with collective strength, the power tool of UNITY vs. SEPARATION can be applied.
What is Separation…
- Constellation: I vs. You, Mine vs. Yours
- Manifests as…: Possessiveness, Comparison, Competition, Jealousy, Judgment, Invalidation
- Inner Voice says: I have the right to…, This is unfair…, Why do they do this to me? I am deprived of my status. I am the victim in this. All are against me…
- Behaviour: Desire to proof oneself, Need for Justification, Acting out of insecurity
- Belief: The subject involved is attached to identifying with an attribute and/or status, creating a rigid opinion rather than a flexible perspective: This is who I am…
- OPINION vs. PERSPECTIVE: where an opinion classifies and judges right or wrong, taking a perspective means to see your point of view and at the same time acknowledging with respect that other perspectives exist as well.
- Momentum: Opposition, Invalidation, Disruption, Exclusion, Energy torn and stuck, Conflict; Ger: “Tunnelblick”: seeing only 1 track going into 1 direction… anything else than what’s in this ‘tunnel’ is seen as impairment
What is Unity…
- Constellation: We, Us, Ours
- Manifests as…: Collaboration, Sharing of Information & Experience, Support, Acknowledgement
- Inner Voice says: I am happy for them, It is so cool what the others do, I wish them all the best, It’s great how we all have different talents and skills so we can complement each other, We are here for each other
- Behaviour: Creating Synergies, Support, Contribution of Individual Strength for Collective, Consideration of all Interests, Tolerance of Diversity, Acting with Confidence
- Belief: Common Interest, Shared Vision & responsibility, Equality, Tolerance, Respect, Acknowledgement of different Perspectives: Together we can make the best of it.
- Perspective: Understanding of Diversity, Consideration of the Other, Equality
- Momentum: Sense of belonging to an extended family, Unity, Openness to Share,
Adaptation, Flexibility, Validation, Mutual Understanding, Compassion, Use of Synergies,
Moving forward with Shared Vision, Allowing the other, Giving, Benevolence, Compassion
