Research Paper By Oscar Osorio
(Personal and Corporate Coach, PERU)
Once upon a time Martians and Venusians met, fell in love, and had happy relationships together because they respected and accepted their differences. Then they came to Earth and amnesia set in: they forgot they were from different planets. Extract from the book: Men are from Mars, women are from Venus” by John Gray
Introduction
The family is the society’s most important organization, although the smallest. And families are built from a couple that assumes the core role of the family. Therefore, if the couple’s relationship goes well, the family goes well, and if the relationship goes bad, the family goes bad. To constitute a couple, both sides should win and should lose. Both lose their absolute individual freedom that gives them their bachelor/spinster-hood. Also, what each of them perceives as’ the benefit to have a partner’ is the benefit for each of them. The ideal is that the feeling of ‘the benefit’ will be greater than ‘the loss’. This added value makes that each individual stays as partner in the couple.
Latest investigations in U.S. quoted
by Jeannette Lofas in her book “Step Parenting” show us the reality of the impact that divorce is causing in present day society. We could foresee that in a near future the vertiginous transformation of the family will modify significantly the social structure.
Let see the outcomes of these investigations:
- The family undergoes a transformation process and is more frequent find the system of reconstructed family. Every day begin 1,300 new unions.
- 50% of American families correspond to partners that have had a previous marriage.
- The average duration of a marriage currently is seven years, and one of every two marriages ends in a divorce.
- 75% of persons that divorce will marry again. However, approximately 66 % of couples with previous marriages and with children from the first marriage will separate.
- 50% of children under 13 years live with only one of their biological parents and his/her new partner.
- 50% of women are bond to a reconstructed family, as mother or wife of a son/husband with children.
- Two every three first marriages of couples under 30 years end in a divorce.
- An investigation carried out by the Boston University shows that 75% of professional women that married a divorced man with children assert:
If I have to take again the decision, I WILL NOT marry a man with children. Studies conducted by Judith Wallerstein
a psychologist with expertise in divorce issues, inform the following results:
- 41% of son of separated parents are fearful, aggressive, have low self-esteem and show difficulties in their behavior or academic performance. Only 45% of children overcome their parents’ divorce. - 50% of women and 30% of men continue being aggressive with their former partner after the divorce.
- During the first period of divorce, parents have less available time to share with their children and are emotionally less prepared to support and discipline them. - For many separated parents it is difficult to differentiate their needs and their children needs and this fact leads them to share more details of their private life than their little children are able to understand and manage.
- Some divorced parents at the beginning carry a disordered life that make difficult to them playing their role of fathers as before the separation. In these investigations and in investigations carried out by the psychologist Mavis Hetherington, also were stated the positive effects that this process would have on children. We will mention the following:
- The children of parents that after the divorce continued sharing their role as parents, although they ended their marriage relationship, continued with their good emotional development and an adequate academic and social performance. Mainly, this is a result that the relationships between parents allowed them maintain and strengthen the effective bonds with both of them.
- Two years after their parents’ divorce, many children have successfully adapted to their new kind of life, and their academic and social performance is good. - 25% of young people coming from divorced families show severe problems in their social or emotional behavior; 10% of young people from non-divorced family also present these problems.
- The majority of young adults from families of divorced parents are professionally successful, have relationships with a stable partner and enjoy a great sense of life. - 70% of adults that confront the divorce of their parents when younger consider that the separation is an acceptable solution to put an end to a mismatched marriage, although with the presence of children. 40% who grew up in nuclear families think the same way. These statistics show the reality that face couples in today society. Divorce is more frequent every day and the consequences that the divorce will have in adults’ life and especially in children life depend on the handling of the process.
The Coaching process applied to couples tries to build up a prevention job so the couple will have fewer reasons for disputes, quarrels and separations.
Cycles in Couples Relationships
In her book “Fast Feng Shui for Singles” Stephanie Roberts goes far beyond the bedroom tips offered in other books on this important topic. It explores the specific needs and challenges of each of the five phases of the Relationship Cycle – phases that have a key impact on how you use the feng shui ba gua and elements to make appropriate adjustments to your home.
The Fast Feng Shui Relationship Cycle is based on the Creative cycle of the five elements. Each stage of the cycle is associated with one element whose qualities, characteristics, and energy most closely match your situation and goals. Fast Feng Shui for Singles shows you how to use feng shui techniques to help you move appropriately and effectively through each of the five relationship phases:
Phase 1. Centering
The Relationship Cycle begins with Centering, which is associated with the contracting, inward-focused energy of the metal element. In this stage you are not in a relationship, and are not actively dating anyone. Centering is a time for rediscovering your sense of self and for creating a strong foundation for being an equal partner in your next relationship. In the Centering section, you’ll learn how feng shui can help you release past loves, heal a lonely heart, and prepare your home for a new romance.
Phase 2: Exploring
The Exploring stage of the Relationship Cycle is associated with the flowing quality of the water element. The inward focus of the Centering phase turns outward, and you feel ready to get involved in a relationship again. You start dating actively, and are open to new people and experiences, but there is not yet one special person in your life. In Phase 2, you learn feng shui techniques for enhancing your social life and helping you meet a wide range of new people. If the idea of getting back on the dating scene makes you cringe, this part of the book will help you “get your feet wet” again more comfortably!
Phase 3: Connecting
The Connecting phase of the Relationship Cycle is associated with the new beginnings and upward growth of the wood element. In this stage, your focus shifts from meeting new people to exploring possibilities with one special someone. In the Connecting section you’ll learn to support a budding relationship by using feng shui to create a home environment that encourages romance.