A Coaching Power Tool Created by Sandra D´Angelo
(Self-Care Coach, ICELAND)
Have patience with all things, but first of all – with yourself. by Saint Francis de Sales
A couple of years ago I found myself at a big crossroads in my life. I faced some difficult choices and my life changed very much in a very short period.
That year during the Christmas & New Years´ as a part of the New Years´ wishes a very good friend of mine wished me to become more “patient”. Then I heard her words, but it did not strike me that “patience” will indeed become a very important part of my life and a part of my work as a coach. I learned to be patient and am still working on it, together with my clients.
The dictionary defines patience as “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset”. Even if patience as such has a positive connotation, due to today´s fast-paced way of living – it often gets a bad rap. We have become conditioned to live quickly and instantly, and that can be seen in various aspects of our lives.
Patience has been something I struggled with until just a couple of years ago. I always wanted to see immediate results and was getting frustrated if I did not get what I wanted as quickly as possible.
However, during my experience and work on self-development, it occurred to me that even if I put a lot of effort into achieving certain goals – some things just need time to “fall in their place”. I understood that there are things and situations that I can control but there are some I cannot and therefore have to accept it and give it time.
With that in mind, I came up with my power tool that I now wish to communicate and implement with my clients. I wish to support them in seeing the importance and power of being patient firstly and foremost with themselves.
In her book “Emotional Freedom”, Judith Orloff says that patience is not about passivity, inhibiting, or stalling. Instead, patience is about power, “emotionally freeing practice of waiting, watching, and knowing when to act”. To be able to intentionally pause and wait, without fear and anxiety, is undeniably empowering.
When we think back of times where we worked hard and patiently waited to collect the fruits of our hard work versus a time where something came quickly and easily – what result would you say was just a little bit more satisfying?
Being patient makes us wiser and it allows facing what life throws at us with grace and dignity. Life is full of times of waiting therefore being able to be patient helps to remain in control, calm, determined, and focused.
Even if patience is not a skill that comes naturally to everybody, it can be developed with practice.
When it comes to coaching, both Coach andClient needs to be patient with themselves, each other, and the process itself. The main aim of the session/s should always be kept in mind however, Coach should continue reminding the Client that things do take time to happen. The Client must remain kind to him/herself.
Here are some ways in which a Coach can support a Client in acquiring patience as a new skill:
Remember the goal
There will be moments during the Coaching journey where the Client´s patience will be tested. In those instances, it is important to keep reminding about the ultimate goal, why the goal has been set, the importance of the goal, and how it will change the life of a Client once it has been accomplished.
The client needs to be realistic when setting a goal and expect possible delays and obstacles.
The client should be ready to accept that at times it might be needed to take a step back, reflect on the situation, and potentially find a new path. In those moments Coach should support the Client in acknowledging what has been learned and how that can be used in the future. The coach should also commend a Client for the progress that has been made.
The client should be able to accept the situation and learn from it, to be able to move forward.
Everything is changeable
Everything comes and everything goes – good times, bad times, joy, happiness, sadness, sorrow… it is essential to keep that perspective in mind in good times and patience and hope in difficult times.
The client should try, as much as possible, to live in the present moment and not to worry about what will or can happen in the future. Mindfulness is a great way to become aware of thoughts and feelings that are going through our minds.
It is essential to keep the ultimate goal in mind however, having a meaningful distraction can make the time go by faster, help in feeling more centered and less anxious. Also, it can contribute to new learnings. Some examples of those distractions could be: dabbling in a new hobby, spending time with family and friends, or reading a new book.
Things may not always happen in the way and time frame we had in mind. The event itself does not determine how good or bad we feel. How we feel is the direct result of our attitude and how we chose to react.
With the Power Of Patience, I am hoping to be able to empower my Clients when moving forward in their journey. Practicing this particular skill will help them in strategic thinking and more objective evaluation of situations they find themselves in. Moreover, it will help them to remain calm and in control of themselves.
I am excited about taking this journey with every client of mine.
Boniwell I., Osin E. &Sircova A., August 2014. Introducing Time Perspective Coaching: A New Approach To Improve Time-Management And Enhance Well-Being. International Journal of Evidence-Based Coaching and Mentoring, Vol. 12 N. 2.
leaps forward, May 2014. Practice Patience.
Life Coach Directory, June 2014. The Art Of Being Patient.
Tolle, E., October 2010. The Power Of Now. New World Library.