A Coaching Model By Maria Elena Patella, Transitional Coach, ITALY
Wave Is Movement
The wave is movement: it starts slowly, grows, and finally disappears, in a continuous motion. The wave is defined as a mass of water which, because of the wind, rises and falls alternately on a level of rest, taking on a characteristic appearance:
High, low, large, small waves that ripple, shake, upset the surface of the sea end up on the shoreline, and then return to the sea again. The wave is a powerful metaphorical representation of the inner movement that emotions generate. Some are light, calm, and small, others larger, impetuous, and threatening: we cannot control their movement or prevent them from arriving.
The term “emotion” comes from the Latin “movie”, literally “move from” and means “move, shake, upset”.
The Emotional Wave
I feel at the mercy of the waves…
It is a rather common expression considering that on this unstoppable swing we all continue to climb it for countless reasons. It is very likely that you too are experimenting with this state of mind. The emotional wave has been tormenting you for some time by continuously changing intensity and frequency, leading you to brood or tossing you with powerful gusts that feed, in the form of a gigantic wave, a real storm in the head, throat, chest, and belly, feelings of confusion, worry, anxiety, uncertainty, etc…
I Am an Energy Transition Coach: I Train Those Who Are Looking for and Want the Change to Challenge the Wave With Energy and Enthusiasm!
In this phase the priorities are redefined, we ask ourselves about the meaning of our existence, with the tendency to choose a new direction for the realization of dreams and passions. The desire to change the professional environment, the excess of responsibility, the usual routine, the insecurity associated with the lack of clear goals, the fear of not making it, of not being up to it, are just some situations that generate an inner storm putting a strain on an already precarious balance in the face of questions that would warmly welcome an answer:
- Who am I?
- What do I want now?
- What have I done important so far?
- What do I want to change?
I too, in this same transition phase, felt ” at the mercy of the waves ”.
I perceived a great inner emptiness, an almost unbearable melancholy especially when the memories of childhood peeped out, vividly reminding me of the carefree and happiness of those times compared to a continuous succession of gigantic and aggressive waves!
I felt engulfed by uncontrollable emotions, I cried, I screamed, I tried, shaking, to stay afloat but the more I tried, the more I tried that wave so imposing it dragged me to the bottom, blocking my breath several times, sometimes making me overwhelmed by the idea of being wrong, weak, incapable, and making ephemeral the actual commitment shown up to that moment …
And the more I fought, the more I lost, the more I tried to control them, the more these same sensations controlled me, causing an enormous amount of energy to be dispersed. Until, thanks to the POWERFUL POWER of COACHING, I began to act differently.
Runaway, do nothing? These simple methods are not very effective as they will continue to feed the discomfort, frustration, and indecision which are certainly not pleasant sensations! The way of approaching what is wrong makes the difference between those who give up and those who don’t give up. Not changing is unnatural. The environment that surrounds us, energy, the matter is constantly changing, transforming, merging, growing, dying. How we experience change depends on us, which side we want to be on.
People cling to habit like a rock, when instead they should break away and dive into the sea. And live. (Charles Bukowski)
The Foundations of My “The Wave” Coaching Model Are:
T = TRUST (Self-confidence)
H = HEALTH (Want to feel good by taking care of yourself)
E = ENERGY (Maintain high energy level)
W = WANT (Strong motivation to achieve goals)
A = ACTION and Awareness
V = VIEWs (Training in diversity and seeking new perspectives)
E = EMOTIONS (feel and listen to Emotions)
What Do You Want Here?
Motivation is the engine. It is essential to know it and be aware of it to invest all the energy in objectives that, once achieved, will make us feel satisfied because they respond to our real needs.
If you are here, you have already taken the first important step.
YOU WANT to change, YOU WANT to investigate and understand this inner whirlwind, YOU WANT to decide how to feel and deal with that unstoppable force that prevents you from diving, staying on the surface making you enjoy the thrill of the moment. YOU WANT to find a solution.
Here we are. It is an important and delicate moment.
I am close to the coachee giving back thoughts, emotions, beliefs but also intuitions.
This is where the thoughts in the mind will try to sabotage the approach to change.
It is challenging and painful to move now in the direction from which one has always escaped.
I encourage the coachee to think positively by reminding him that INSIDE him has everything he needs to go on his journey of exploration.
Yes, it is indeed a journey, made up of small steps forward, and getting to the end of the path will be an opportunity to earn a much better quality of life.
Small steps in the direction of the wave will allow him to move away from the comfort zone, acquiring ever greater courage and confidence to progress towards the goal he has set for himself.
- How is the wave that is coming?
- How important is it to find a way to deal with it…?
- What emotion do you feel?
- Where do you hear it?
- What does your gut say?
- What have you felt so far?
- What alternatives do you have?
I accompany him in imagining himself being transported without any resistance from the wave motion, thus observing himself from a different angle.
- What would the child in you do?
- What is happening now?
I leave him all the time to reflect, to listen to himself. At the same time, I listen and give back his thoughts to make him understand if what he feels comes from his inner dialogue, from his experience, or from what is happening.
- What are you thinking now?
- What do you need to clarify?
- What else?
- And what else?
The partnership established is stable, safe, clarifying: the coachee looks in the mirror, regaining possession of himself and your choices, acting instead of reacting, creating the basis to face the situation that is important to him, using emotions, those useful for achieving of its goal.
- What do you want to do with these feelings?
- What might be useful to bring with you?
- What is happening now?
- What did you understand by talking about this?
An evident shift of energy made a smile appear; the feeling of heaviness gave way to lightness. The tone of voice perceives excitement and contentment.
- How do you want to proceed?
- Do you think there has been progressing today?
The shore is safer, but I like to fight with the waves of the sea. (Emily Dickinson)
Where Did You Start From Where Did You Come From?
The confidence and awareness acquired have strengthened courage and trained balance, allowing the coachee to face the waves (emotions vs change).
CONGRATULATIONS!!! 😊😊😊 You’ve learned to surf!
I ACKNOWLEDGE that you have succeeded, that you have made a COMMITMENT to it, that you WANTED it SO MUCH.
- How do you feel now?
- What can you do now that you couldn’t think of doing before?
- What did you learn about yourself today?
- How will you use this learning the next time?
- How will you celebrate?
The Concrete and Constant Presence of a Coach Makes the Difference
Crises are the greatest opportunities we must learn to live.
Emotions never come by chance, there are no good emotions or bad emotions: they are all important because each of them is there to say something.
Understand what they want to tell you? Be the one to find out.
And to live then you must dare, enjoying every single moment that life gives us.
Let go of the fear of being afraid.
The fear of feeling melancholy.
The fear of being sad.
All our emotions are there for a reason, they are there to deliver a message.
To read, to understand.
What you deny submits to you and what you accept transforms you. (Jung)
We can approach change as a death or as a second chance in life.
If we open our fingers, loosen our grip, and let the change carry us, we can feel it as pure adrenaline, as if at any moment we could be born once again.
In this delicate period of transition and change, the concrete and constant presence of a coach makes the difference so that the whole trip is a new opportunity for life and emotion!
You have changed now. What will your next challenge be?
A man’s heart is very similar to the sea, it has its storms, its tides and in the depths of him it also has its pearls. (Vincent Van Gogh)