A Coaching Model Created by Roxana Borcsa
(Life Coach, ROMANIA)
Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible—it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could.—Barbara de Angelis
For me, loving, listening, and learning are interconnected because you cannot learn if you don’t listen or you don’t listen to something if you dislike it, or you cannot learn without love, and the entire process has you in the center or the client in the coaching environment. When you spend time to listen to yourself you have the opportunity to learn from the thinking processor from the experience that is related to that from the past or others, and then you discover that are new and valuable things that you can use to grow and that means a step in your process of loving yourself. In a coaching session following the steps written above starting with listening, going through values, and using power tools to overcome fear and limitations, with care and sometimes with a push forward or a challenge, can move the client from the place he is to a new place where he is empowered and ready for new actions.
Learning about yourself and your reaction towards outside circumstances is an ongoing process that can bring you fulfillment in your present life and eagerness for more joy and success for future adventures and goals in life and with the help of your coaching experience you may find a lot of things about yourself that you were not aware of.
Learning about yourself starts with loving yourself first.
We often believe that we love ourselves, and yet our actions and reactions suggest otherwise. Loving yourself is essential to your personal growth, to the fulfillment of your dreams, and to develop healthy, happy relationships with others.
Loving yourself provides you the opportunity to learn about yourself and when you know more about yourself, you’ll live a better life.
One day you will get tired of being who you are and decide to become who you are meant to be.—Paul Tillich
When you take the time to nourish yourself, you start listening to your needs, your desires, and your thoughts.
So what is the secret to listening to yourself?
- How do you tell what thoughts are the real you, and what thoughts are just what you’ve been taught to think?
- How do you recognize when you are just listening to your inner critic?
- What are the best techniques for hearing yourself?
Why is listening to yourself so important?
As well as a tendency to fulfill someone else’s idea of success and happiness, not listening to yourself can also lead to psychological struggles. This can include codependency where you take your identity from pleasing others instead of taking it from who you are.
It takes commitment and effort to differentiate between the things you’ve been taught to believe are fact, versus what is true for you personally. But it’s worth the effort because when you know how to listen to yourself, you make choices that lead towards the life you want, not the one you think you should want. And this inevitably lowers your stress levels and increase your self-esteem and contentment.
How to Let Go
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take every day as it comes and to cherish myself in it.
So, how do you get away from the constant stress that not being in complete control can leave you in? It’s an easy thing to say, but a difficult thing to do: You have to let your worries go. You have to focus on what you can change (you) and what you can’t change (everything else). There are ways, though, to remember and move on from these worries. There are different ways to take back control from a stressful, frightening world.
Although living your best life may seem difficult, it is within your grasp. You can learn to embrace happiness and achieve inner peace simply by changing and incorporating some healthy habits into your life. Sometimes living up to your full potential is just about taking the time for self-care. Taking little moments to meditate, journal and goal-set can make all the difference. Craving a glass of wine and dark chocolate? Give in to that desire, because treating yourself can be just as important as working hard.
Overcome fear and limitation
Everything in our lives is decided by the fact that we either let fear control us or that we control it. If you want to do amazing things in this life you have got to find the courage and the willingness to look within yourself and understand what fear truly is, how it works, and how it affects your mind and body. Because once you do, once you see what it truly is you are taking away all the limitations in your life. Once you understand the true nature of what stops us, once that has been lifted, it transforms into a bridge. And crossing that bridge allows you to see what is on the other side: Freedom.
Living your life to your fullest potential can only be achieved when you have come face to face with your fear of the unknown. But this is not an easy thing to do. It is a bit more complicated than just choosing to ignore your fear of the unknown. To be able to conquer your fear of the unknown, you have to be committed to making the changes within yourself and that is where it gets tough.
Fear is not unique to you. Fear is part of our human DNA and so it is not unusual for you to feel fear when you are stepping out into the unknown. Our brain is hardwired to prefer negative consequences to uncertain outcomes. Our brain does not like us stepping out into the unknown or living in a world of change.
Anything we try in life that takes us out of our comfort zone comes with lots of discomforts, disruption, and feelings of uncertainty. This is guaranteed and you will not be able to avoid the disruption of change in your life.
Accept that you cannot avoid the effect of change in your life. Also, accept that change is not to be feared by you. The more you open up to the concept of change the more courageous you will become.
Resisting change keeps you in a place of discomfort and that’s where your fear of the unknown likes to be. Your fear will keep you paralyzed in a bad situation because it is what it knows best and where it can control you.
Stepping out and embracing change will open you up to a world of opportunities and growth. The change will become a fact of life that you will embrace and successfully manage
Values
Being able to know the difference between needs wants and values is the first thing you need to address because unmet needs cloud your ability to identify your values, and decisions based on values will have more chance of staying right for a long time.
When values are honored they lead to opportunities.
In a coaching context, there are times when people need to make big decisions and need to access their values base to know the best way forward for them. Sometimes, people are either not aware of their values, or haven’t “visited” them for some time, and need to go back to the basics, to their core, to reflect.
Here are some steps to helping a client identify their core values:
- Ask them to identify at least three peak moments in their lifetimes when they felt the happiest or most fulfilled. What made these moments so incredible?
- Help them break down what values are present in these moments and choose the most important ones
- Prioritize the top values into a hierarchy of most important to least important.
- Help them create visual reminders of these core values. Suggest post-it notes, pictures, or similar reminders that they can have in plain sight to keep them focused.
Have a Vision
A vision can be used in two different ways: inspiration and prediction. It is first used to inspire you in reaching something that you are wanting. It is also used in prediction for changes in the future and interests you have.
A vision might be the most powerful way to keep you focused on what you want in life while keeping you motivated in achieving it. A vision will open up your mind to many possibilities and a brighter and bigger future. When you can envision a future that is better, happier, more productive, you are more likely to make the changes that are necessary for you to reach that type of life.
Embrace your purpose and life fully
Clients are encouraged to embrace themselves through an honest exploration of their values, beliefs, priorities, assumptions. Embracing the entire situation can be accomplished by a shift of self-talk and the start of taking aligned actions and even things that can scare you is important to embrace.
Successful people aren’t afraid of their slow progress. They don’t get easily discouraged. They don’t fret about how many failures they have. They know that roadblocks are part of their success story. Most people rely on their motivation and willpower to sustain them. It hurts their ego to see that they are being ignored despite their efforts. They feel it is unfair not to get the desired results after putting in the work. They don’t have the stamina to keep running amidst the pain. So they give up not knowing the next phase can be their success. For every challenge, there is an opportunity that awaits behind it if you have a positive attitude. Do not be intimidated by the achievements of others. It is your race, step by step, brick by brick, you’ll get there. Life has more to offer. Success can be achieved every day. No one can define how successful you are. It is your definition. When you don’t live in other people’s definitions of success, it helps you to fully express yourself. No definition of success is better or worse than the other. It’s yours. Do not just focus on chasing accomplishments. Find something that will fulfill you. When you are happy inside, you’ll feel more accomplished.
References:
The portable coach by Thomas J. Leonard 1998.