A Coaching Model By Jette Vincent, Parent Coach, THAILAND
Some parent coaching concepts are focusing on how we can help change a child’s behavior.
The parental change coaching model takes the focus away from the child and gives space and time for parents to be the focus of this positive change. It is done with the knowledge that parents are experts in their own role as parents. They already know what is important to them in their role as parents. They already know what they want and can easily answer the question:
Who Would You Like to Be as a Parent?
The Parental Change model enables parents to be confident and comfortable in their role as parents.
The parent who wants to ‘work’ on themselves: What change do I want to see and how can I be a role model for that change? If everything stays the same there will be no change (who said some similar?). Change can be a bit scary but it can also be exciting and an opportunity to do something new. This is about making parenting joyful. Look at your own values and examine whether they serve you and your family. If not create a new set of values that suit your family.
As parents we often want a quick fix to change our children so they will do as we want them to. But do we really want that? And does that align with a vision of raising children who can think for themselves, being critical, being the change the future needs…..?
What it is the parents want to accomplish with the coaching sessions? What is the overall long-term goal and how can that goal be broken down into smaller short-term goals?
Moving From Short-Term to Long-Time Goals or From Long-Term to Short-Term Goals
In my experience, parents often come with either a short-term goal OR a long-term goal that they want to accomplish. “I want my son to go earlier to bed” OR “I want to communicate better with my son”. Parents must have a vision of both short-term and long-term goals as being interlinked on their quest to parent differently.
What is the long-term goal? Usually, goals that can seem only short-term have an element of being long-term goals when asked powerful questions. The clearer the clients are about what it is they want to accomplish the easier it will be for them to get the help and support they need during coaching. Looking behind the initial short-term goal and into how accomplishing that may affect how they see themselves as parents in other areas of their relationship with their child, can help parents finding a more overarching purpose with the coaching (“I am not just doing this coaching because I want my son to go early to bed, I am doing coaching because I want my son’s and my relationship to be built on mutual respect where needs and wants on both sides are being heard”)
Questions to ask to help move a client to find the long-term goal (their vision of the change they want for the future)
- What will be different when you accomplish this short-term goal?
- How will this serve you and your child’s relationship?
- In what way may be accomplishing this goal affect how you see yourself as a parent?
- What long-term benefits may come of accomplishing this short-term goal?
- If you were to think of the goal as being able to affect other areas of your life with your child, what areas will that be?
Questions to ask to help move a client to find the initial short-term goal (their vision of what has to change initially to help to move towards their long-term goal)
- What will be different when you have accomplished your long-term goal?
- How will reaching your long-term goal makes you see yourself as a parent?
- What stepping stones, or short-term goals, could make it easier to reach the long-term goal?
All the Positive Things We Do as Parents
Parents must appreciate all the positive things that are already happening in their parenting life. Everyone is doing something great.
Questions to ask to get parents to appreciate that they are already positively influencing their parent role:
- What is working really well in your role as a parent?
- What side of your parenting are you really proud of?
- How does this affect your relationship with your child?
As parents, we have values that we find important for us as parents
- Which values are important in your parenting?
- What makes these values important?
- Where do those values come from?
- What values would you like to pass on to your child?
Know What Is Important
- When you think about parenting, what is important to you?
- When you think about parenting, what do you think is important to your child?
- How do the words ‘parenting’ and ‘role model’ resonate with you?
- What makes your role as a role model important to you?
- What makes your role as a role model important to your child?
React vs Respond
- What are the situations where you react rather than respond to your child?
- How do you feel about taking responsibility?
Responsibility and Change
- Where does ‘responsibility’ fit into your parenting?
- Where would you like to place the responsibility for the way you parent?
- Responsibility as a power tool that creates room for making changes
- What outcome would you like to see with a change in your parenting?
- What outcome do you think you can reasonably expect? For you and your child?
- What kind of additional support would you need to be able to parent in a way that is of value to you and your child?