A Coaching Model Created by Natalia Pinkowska
(Yoga Life Coach, POLAND)
Once upon a time, there was a woman. A woman in her pure form. We may call her Eve or whatever name you wish. The point is that she was fully herself. That was a long, long time ago. Since ages now, a human being is not only a being but a form of a vessel to social roles and norms. From the moment we are born, the story of our life starts to be shaped not necessarily only by us and not always consciously. According to psychologists like Erikson, personality starts to develop in different stages already after the first year of life. From that moment, a human is exposed to a range of influences which begins with the environment, roles, trends, and media. Our personality depends on that and at some point, that is fine. However, these days we get more and more expectations to fulfill. Moreover, they often are contradictions.
In consequence of that, people are truly lost. Unfortunately, without good role models often individuals get disoriented. A greater number of women and men don’t know anymore who the true “I” is. I often hear from my clients “I just want to be normal”. I ask what normal means to you? The answer goes to the comparison to others or what someone else said instead of their true desires.
Since my niche involves women between 25-45 yo, I designed this model in this reference. However, it’s easy to recognize that these days society directs the same amount of expectations towards women as men. As a result of that, I see an application in both gender groups.
By entering social roles and projections of an environment, people are losing themselves till the moment of being on the edge of a crisis where you can’t look away anymore.
You can notice this in important life areas by which people tend to define themselves such as career, family, or relationships.
The psychological states involved in life crises are not pleasant. Frequently it comes up with burnout, depression, dissatisfaction, loneliness, demotivation, sadness, etc.
It’ soften associated with important life milestone moments like for example reaching a new birthday decade. It might also appear as an answer to a great loss like a breakup, losing a job, or the death of someone close.
All these circumstances have in common that you are slowing down for a second what gives a moment to reflect! Seemingly looking at negative circumstances and challenging psychological states can drive you to change for the better.
All demanding situations in life give a great opportunity to learn and grow as a person. You might recognize already that there is no crisis without a way out. The challenge starts when you let your emotions or thoughts take over what might cause a blockage. During these moments it manages to move forward with more ease, it would be beneficial to consider external help. Depending on the state you are in a friend, a psychologist, a mentor, or a coach could offer the needed support. When you are determined to move forward and open for a consistent change, the coaching process might be the most effective choice. The image on the right indicates there commended steps in the offered model.
Journey to a true self
The biggest growth starts with a crisis. However, to move forward from being stuck you need to confront a critical point. Through facing blockages, fears, or shadows and self-reflection as a result of this process, you get to the point of purification where you can then start your new path with the support of a coach. Catharsis will clear your mind and open it to a new life approach. You will need to forgive yourself, and your close ones, for whatever that might go wrong. From that moment, you will be able to notice other ways and perspectives. With a change in your language, you will be able to shift your way of thinking. First of all, you will stop lying to yourself. Instead of seeing everything in dark colors, you will manifest positive outcomes. This will lead you to define your new life purpose by reaching up to your core values. You will learn how to live in the present moment and how to be mindful of yourself. Thanks to that, you will be able to trust your instincts and belief in you. This process will lead you to self-acceptance where you will practice self-love and appreciation. It could be the end of the journey, however, that would be quite an unstable outcome. To avoid possible falls, you will need an accountability structure from a supportive community where you will be able to confront your fallbacks without judgment. Setting up this environment is crucial to stabilize the whole process. In the end, you will meet long-awaited peace of mind where you will be able to answer questions about “who you are” with ease. From that point, your new life will begin.
Each of the pre-mentioned steps has a place in the coaching process. When a client will meet a critical point in their life, it’s time for a discovery session. An introduction to the methodology will take place swells underling that any expectations have to be let go off from the very beginning. A client needs to trust and surrender to the process. In this first step, a client will get all the needed tools and techniques to confront themselves – ‚mirroring’ might be one of them. However, each tool should answer unique needs, so they will be selected individually. After this personal confrontation, the main part will start in cooperation with a coach, who will set up an accountability support system as soon as the coaching agreement has been met. Nevertheless, if a client feels stuck during the confrontation stage, a coaching session might be necessary to bring a new perspective. In consequence, a client will be able to move forward to a purification process which has tremendous importance. It is crucial that the client commits, not to the coach but to the process itself, which could even need a separate meeting to discuss before moving to the middle part of this model. This phase will lead to work on change, discovery, and building awareness in a high vibrance towards THE WHO, so towards the client’s self. This part will require regular, weekly meetings, and a lot of engagement. The last stage of the process concerns the integration which means, for example, finding a supportive and non-judgmental community. That might also involve letting go of those who don’t serve you anymore. At this stage, the coaching relationship is getting loosen to every two-week meetings, so a client can have the space to work by themselves. Creating self-accountability and accepting full responsibility for your life is necessary regarding the implementation of earlier structures. After setting down the supportive environment and settling into the learning, a client is ready to be released from the coaching relationship.
A coach and a client need to recognize straightaway possibly obstacles in the process. This higher awareness might support to identify and overcome blockages when they will appear. The possible sabotage might come from:
- automatic behavior patterns
- strong inner critic
- unfolded psychological wounds
- loss of a drive to change
- settling in a comfort zone before integration
The SELF is defined as “the set of someone’s characteristics, such as personality and ability, that are not physical and make that person different from other people”. Finding the TRUE SELF is crucial for naming these qualities which are answering individual needs and desires. With a fully developed personality, a human can become a human being. Live a life of satisfaction without prioritizing social norms or external expectations over themselves. Uncovering values will bring coaching clients to the point of higher work productivity since most likely they will start to do what they love. Higher self-esteem and confidence in exposing who you are might attract people with similar life views. An experience of honest and open communication will help in raising the quality of relationships. Since we give only what we have, making peace with ones’ self, might contribute to greater parenting and being an exceptional role model. And last but not least – gratefulness in general leads to recognizing happiness in every day since. Finding peace of mind is a goal for a big range of people – not all of them will be strong or aware enough to walk the path towards life’s fulfillment. However, for those who will succeed, it will open a completely new chapter of living to the fullest. Since we have one life within our physical body, I believe it is worth investing the time and resources.