A Coaching Model Created by Milena Carruzzo
(Relationships Coach, SWITZERLAND)
Relationship coaching is the application of coaching to personal and business relationships. In the past years, I have been paying special attention to my relationships, as I realized the impact it has on my well-being. When starting to work consciously on my relationships at work, in my life, and with myself, I discovered how nurturing them can bring me immense joy and fulfillment. My biggest awareness was to realize how I grew and develop myself while building healthy relationships following my core values.
The purpose of our relationships is to help us get to our destination. When we learn to look at our relationships this way, we become aware of the beautiful gifts they contain, and we begin to travel more quickly along our spiritual path – Karen Berg
Of course, there is always a minimum of two people in a relationship. Both parties are required to the development of the relationship, but realizing that there is so much we can do from our side to turn a relationship into a healthy and fulfilling one, is very empowering. The way we will approach the other person as well as talk and behave toward them has an immense influence on their reaction. We can take ownership and realize what we can change in that relationship and what we can bring to make it healthier.
How we connect with a person is what we have control of. The connected model is about realizing that control and about taking ownership and responsibility in a relationship. All the actions we take, represent a connection with the other person. It is like a touchpoint. Those connections will define the relationship. The connection is something we maintain and work on every day while being in a relationship is the result of that work. The connections are about doing while the relationship is about being and the experience of connecting with someone.
In the schema below the dots represent two people. The line represents the relationship between these two people. The touchpoint between the dot and the line is the connection.
The starting point of any relationship is ourselves. This is why the first step is to connect with ourselves. To be able to connect with another person healthily, we need to be in a place where we can open up, give, and receive. Connecting with ourselves means checking on where we are, acknowledging our feelings, recognizing our strengths and weaknesses, and doing the necessary inner work to get in that necessary space.
In coaching, the coach connects with the client. The coach supports as well the client to connect with himself and on finding ways to connect with other people to create healthy relationships. In the process, the coach supports the client in connecting with his emotions, feelings, behaviors, beliefs, and values.
C – CreatingTrust
O–Setting the Objective
N–Defining the needs of the client
N–Noticing what is happening
E–Exploring the client’s emotions, feelings, behaviors, beliefs, and value
C –Clarifying the progress and the learning
C: Creating Trust
The foundation of any strong and healthy relationship is trust. At the beginning of the coaching session, the coach works on creating trust with the client. It can be done by offering space free of judgment, where the client feels safe to open up. The coach shows support by focusing on what the client wants and needs. Creating trust is also about recognizing the client as resourceful and whole. Building trust will continue during the whole coaching process by always following the client’s agenda, acting in the client’s interest, actively listening, and holding space.
O: Setting the Objective
Coaching is about supporting the client to move and reach his objective. Setting the objective or goal is crucial for the success of the session. The objective needs to be clear and measurable. Defining the objective gives direction. This objective serves as a solid pillar that can always be referred to make sure that the content discussed and explored is useful.
N: Defining the needs
The coach asks the client what is it that he needs to address to reach his objective. This part gives the client a choice but also supports the client in considering what is missing for him to reach his goal. It allows the client to explore what he needs to look at and solve to move forward. It encourages the client to take ownership and responsibility for what needs to be changed. The focus is on what needs to be changed in the client and the way he connects with others.
N: Noticing what is happening
The coach notices what is happening in the session by sharing observations with the client. The coach notices the language of the client, his tone of voice, and the shift of energy allowing the client to get more awareness. The coach also notices the progress, the strengths, or awareness of the client and acknowledges the client to empower him.
The coach supports the client in exploring his emotions, feelings, behaviors, beliefs, and values. By doing so the client has a chance to go deeper and get a better understanding. While exploring the client also can evaluate discover what is triggering his emotions, how his feelings are serving him, what is motivating his behaviors, and what values are connected.
The coach clarifies with the client where he stands regarding his objective. The coach also clarifies what the client has been learning about himself and overall during the session.
T: Taking actions
The coach encourages the client to take action. The coach supports the client to define smart actions by making them specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-based.
The connected model supports the client to reach his goals by connecting.
It is about encouraging the client to connect with himself, his emotions, feelings, behaviors, beliefs, and values to be in a better place to give and receive. It is about empowering the client to control the way he connects with other people to create healthier and more fulfilling relationships.