A Coaching Model Created by Lauren Wills
(Life Coach, AUSTRALIA)
Who am I aside from being mom?
Up until recently it would be hard for me to answer that question. I was that mom. You know the one; she is furiously paddling beneath the surface to keep up the appearance of the perfect mom. But guess what? I was dying inside; miserable, lost and desperately trying to figure out what I wanted. I thought I was making the ultimate sacrifice for my children’s happiness. I even tried to justify my misery by telling myself that I had my chance at happiness and now my sole purpose in life was to give all I had to my kids so that they may be happy. Umm…what the…?!
So what changed for me? Everything and not very much at all. I am still living in the same house on the same street with the same [crazy] family but I have learned that being a martyr for my children is not doing them, or me, any favors. As renowned researcher and speaker Dr. Brené Brown points out “who we are, as people, is a far more accurate and profound predictor of who our kids will be than what we know about parenting”. So all that time I spent reading 1-2-3 Magic, Love and Logic and the Baby Whisperer doesn’t count for much because what I was actually teaching my kids was this:
I do not matter.
And I do matter, I really, really do. And so do you. So the Finding Fabulous Coaching Model is about how to live your best life as a mom. That’s right; your life. The life you have that is mostly about being mom and sometimes about being a partner/friend/daughter/colleague but is more and more about being you. The authentic you that the world needs to see more of, that I want to see more of. So kick off those sensible flats, get out your best heels, it’s time to find your fabulous!
Why do moms need coaching?
Becoming a mom is one of the biggest transitions a woman can make. Your whole life changes and suddenly the only person that seems to matter is a 6lb (if you’re lucky!) crying, screaming, pooping, eating machine. Women give up work for maternity leave or to stay at home full time, they are sleep deprived, they have no time for themselves and their relationship with their partner changes. Oh and they can’t sneeze without crossing their legs any more (no one tells you about that one in pre-natal classes!).
Some of the reasons moms seek coaching are:
- To (re) establish their sense of identity
- To make more time for the things they love
- To get better work/life balance
- To understand their values and life purpose
- To gain direction – where to next?
- To achieve a specific goal
- To work on their health, wellness and self-compassion
By nature, coaching is a fluid process that shifts in the moment and so my process is flexible and can be accessed from any point in the model. All women are unique. Where you are in the process will change each session and throughout the session depending on which area of your life we are exploring.
Face the present
For many moms the first step will be to acknowledge where you are right now and just how hard being a mom can be. I will encourage you to really feel the emotions that are coming up and not let them fester. This is particularly important when it comes to feeling judged, guilty or ashamed. Physical appearance and motherhood are the two most common shame triggers for women, working through these feelings and addressing the underlying beliefs is critical. We will celebrate what is working for you and explore those areas that you would like to work a little (or a lot) better.
Focus on your future
As a mom it can be easy to get caught up in the busyness of life and not focus on the future beyond which school your child will go to or even what the next meal will be. The Finding Fabulous coaching model gives you the time and space to really explore your values, life purpose and goals outside of your role as mom. You may find this hard – to separate yourself from your family – and so as your coach, I allow you a lot of time and space to just explore all the possibilities and create some new awareness. What does “fabulous” mean for you?
Foster self compassion
Moms are caretakers, nurturers and protectors for their families. Unfortunately, this does not always translate to great self-care. We are bombarded with imagery of self-sacrificing mothers and it can be hard to break through these societal pressures to take time for ourselves. This stage addresses the underlying beliefs that are holding you back from doing what you love and what re-energizes you. We will explore what makes your heart sing, your “fabulous”, and then address the logistics of creating time to do it – every day!
Formation of structure
Once you have a clearer picture of what “fabulous” looks like for you, we will co-create a structure to achieve your goals. We will work on creating SMART goals (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-bound) and address any potential barriers. If you wish, I can act as a weekly accountability partner to help move you into action (and keep you there!).
Flex and flaunt it
By far my favorite part of the process! I love to hear about your successes and the changes in how you are living your life now that you are embracing your “fabulous”. I will encourage you to celebrate every success, always remembering that progress is success. I acknowledge the growth I see in you and I will challenge you to unleash your fabulousness on the world!
Cindarella is proof that a new pair of shoes really can change your life.
The graphic below represents the Finding Fabulous process. The use of bare footprints indicates that this process must be done without the protection of our “shoes” – those guards we put in place to shield us from the hardness of the world. We must really stop to feel the grass beneath our feet, the sand between our toes and even the pebbles on the path as we navigate this process. The use of a circle reflects the cyclical nature of the coaching model which can be accessed from any of the stages. Multiple colors are present in the graphic to mirror the shifts in energy you will experience as you move through each of the processes. And of course the fabulous heel in the middle is my version of fabulous, but you will find what feels fabulous for you.