A Coaching Model Created by Kyla Neill
(Career Coach, AUSTRALIA)
Creating abundance in your life takes work, commitment and having the courage to say “I want more”. It takes the ability to move away from your comfort zone, to stretch your limits, and to push yourself into that scary, uncomfortable place where extraordinary things can happen.
As a coach, part of my role is to support and revolutionise my client’s lives from within; to help them focus on what they really want and how to get it, rather than allow them to continue to listen to stagnant thoughts of comfort and safety. These thoughts of a negatively comfortable status quo resonate with many of us: I’m not good enough; I don’t have the time or the means; I’m not intelligent enough; I’m not connected enough. The list of ready excuses seems endless. By exploring their values, beliefs and who they really are, I work with you as a client to conceptualise how the 3 E’s, Embrace, Energise and Empower, can relate to your life. I dig deeper in order to really get to the bottom of that fear that is holding you back, and I cheer you on as the energy that is created in turn empowers you to reach farther than you ever thought possible.
The three concepts of Embrace, Energise and Empower are three overlapping concepts, which interlink and become a holistic way for you to think throughout your life. These concepts and paradigm can either be followed with the assistance of myself, as your coach, or utilised as a self-assessment tool to centre thoughts when one is faced with an obstacle and is evaluating goals.
Step 1: Embrace
The first stage of the change process is defined as the stage in which I support you to embrace three key areas: values & beliefs, acceptance & acknowledgment, and fear. All of these areas are considered to be equally important went it comes to true empowerment.
- Embracing Values & Beliefs
- Embracing Acceptance & Self Acknowledgement
- Embracing Fear
Embracing your values and beliefs is a very powerful place to commence. Thinking about what your core values might be can come more easily to some than others. As such, this is definitely an area which requires both time and patience. To explore this area, you, as a client, can ask yourself some questions to establish your current position:
- What are your top five values in life?
- How important are these values to you?
- Do you believe in yourself?
- How do you respond if someone else’s values and beliefs do not align with your own?
Do you value honesty, generosity, love, understanding, kindness? As a coach, I support you in discovering what this means for you, and, by encouraging you to write about your values, I assist in making your values visible and tangible.
A client’s belief system, including their religious, spiritual or personal beliefs, can often dictate how they treat others, how they like to be treated. It is important that you are aware that whatever your beliefs and values may be, that you own them, that there is no shame in them, and that by nurturing these beliefs and values, you can place them at the very core of how you conduct your life.
Tip 1: A mobile ‘Motivational Board’, such as the Pinterest application, is a great way for you to visualise points of importance. By creating different boards for motivational quotes or inspirational pictures and people, Pinterest can be a great ‘pocket motivator’.
Following on from your embrace of your own values and beliefs, we commence the second stage, the embracing of acceptance, by encouraging you to accept your current situation, be it a financial or personal one; whether it includes your partner, children, or working environment. Coming to terms with where you are right now can assist you in creating an awareness of where you want to be and a readiness for the change that may be required to get there. By having you see and acknowledge that you are a talented and unique individual who holds innate value, together, as client and coach, we can eliminate the disempowering and restrictive thoughts that take hold when you are constantly comparing yourself to others. As your coach, I must strive to reinforce to you that you possess the potential to design your own life, and to be the best version of yourself. To assist in this, I can ask you questions such as:
- What does that ideal life look like to you?
- What do you truly want?
- How do you show up in your life?
Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.- Maya Angelou
By embracing all aspects and areas of your life, including both successes and failures, you can improve the clarity with which you internally perceive yourself, and, in turn, seize control of what you externally wish to change and how you wish to change it.
As your coach, I will emphasize to you that you are exactly where you need to be, and that you have made brave choices in order to get where you are; that the lessons you have learned in the past have led you to this point, and should not be discarded as useless mistakes. By signposting where you have come from, your life lessons have the potential to positively inform the journey towards your destination.
In acknowledging that mistakes may have been made in the past and accepting that lessons can be learned from them, as well as celebrating every achievement, no matter how small, you can reach a place of awareness, thereby summoning the determination to live the life that you want in the future.
Moving into the third stage, I, as your coach, will support you in working through your relationship with fear; understanding and embracing fear with total awareness of how and when it will surface. Fear acts as an ‘inner critic’, which can manipulate your beliefs and values, as well as how you think of yourself. Ignoring fear, however, is not the answer to mastering it and turning it into a positive. Recognising that fear is a protective element of your nature, which aims to prevent you from being hurt, or failing, is the first step to truly exploring it and identifying how we can work with it rather than against it. In doing so, I will urge you to be bold and courageous when fear arises, and to view it as a conduit that can guide you towards the greatest change in your life, rather than an obstacle that must be pushed past.
Step 2: Energise
Energising yourself is a method by which you are able to move towards feeling more empowered. In the context of energising from within, there are two main areas that can accomplish this goal: Gratitude and Self-Care.
Expressing genuine gratitude can oftentimes be difficult for a client, and it may take some time and considerable thought before they identify what they are truly grateful for. This is something that takes practice, and my support as your coach can prove invaluable in this endeavour.
Tip 2: Before going to sleep, note down 3 – 5 things that you are grateful for… but be warned, once you start you may not stop!
Self-care is an area that we constantly overlook in our daily lives. Throughout the coaching process this is a significant area that will be explored at length with you. It is important to note that Self-Care is two-fold: firstly it is concerned with looking at how you treat yourself from the outside, ie. diet, exercise, and daily meditation; the things which are key to you looking and feeling your best. As your coach, I am able to assist you in supporting your external self-care by identifying where and when your time is used, and whether it is in areas which will contribute positively to the your wellbeing. If it is not, I can then assist to refocus your energy into directions which are.
Having said this, self-care also resonates in how you treat yourself internally. As you coach, I help you examine whether the words you say to yourself are energising, motivating and filled with positivity, or leading to depression and self-destruction. In order for you to keep your energy up and stay motivated, I will recommend that you surround themselves with positive and likeminded people.
Tip 3: Join a group filled with those who have similar goals and interests. This may be a sporting club, social club, or networking group. You will feed off the motivation from others and feel empowered to make your changes and achieve your goals.
Step 3: Empower
Empower (definition): to make (someone) stronger and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights.
By the time you reach this stage in your journey, you will feel elated, energised, lighter, and in a place where you can imagine the impossible is possible.
The attainment of empowerment means that you will have reached a calmness and clarity in the context of knowing exactly where you are, as well as exactly what you want to do. All that remains is to act on this and live the life that you want.
In this new state of mind everything is possible for you. The weight of the world’s expectations lessens and whilst you feel content, you begin to dream of future achievements that are on a grander scale: running a marathon, writing a book, or building your own business to name but a few!
The 3 E’s coaching model is an in-depth process which takes you on a journey from the embracing of your beliefs and values, through your internal and external energising, before ultimately arriving at your liberating empowerment. In doing so, it enables me, as your coach, to be your guide on a path of self-discovery and self-care where, no longer weighed down by shame or fear, you are free to explore new and fulfilling directions.