Coaching Model: Getting Rid of GUILT -

A Coaching Model Created by Jacqui Ariaans
(Life Coach, UNITED KINGDOM)

In the work environment I have had numerous conversations with (mainly) successful woman that ended up in one way or the other about feeling guilt. Summarising these conversations I learned these woman want to be independent and therefore work is important to them. On the other hand they feel guilty as they feel they cannot always be there for the children, husband and friends.

‘I want to do everything right’ is what these woman might say. Be a great mum, wife, friend and colleague.

Sometimes they even feel miserable and bad about what they think they should do, but don’t have the time or energy to do. This coaching model focuses on getting rid of the guilty feeling by shifting perspective towards living a more satisfied, happy and balanced life.

I feel that apart from the GUILT model, the most important part of the coaching of busy and successful woman is helping them to increase awareness and take responsibility.

Where this coaching model writes about woman and therefore she, this doesn’t mean that this model cannot be applicable on males.

Goal

At the beginning of the coaching process and at each coaching session we invite the client to set the agenda. What will be the desired outcome of the coaching sessions and what will be the desired outcome of this session.

In some cases the client will be clear on the agenda. This is what I want to work on. The client is clear on where she currently is and where she wants to go.

If the client isn’t sure about the agenda the coach can ask powerful questions to enable the client to set the agenda.

What does your ideal world look like?
Where are you today?
What do you really want?
What would you like to happen that is not happening now, or what would you like not to happen that is happening now?
What do you want to achieve long term?
What does success look like?
What would be a milestone on the way?

Usual Situation

Once the goal is set it is time to explore the current situation. Exploring the current situation will gain awareness of what’s going on, what is the context of the situation. What are the situations where the client feels guilt.

This is an important step in the process that will take time. Be curious to find out the excact situation. Take time to make sure the understanding of you as a coach about the situation is the same as that of the client. Is there something missing in the information provided?

Powerful questions that the coach can ask to explore the current situation are:

Where are you now in relation to your goal?
What is happening now and with what result?
What other factors are relevant?
Who is involved and what is their perception of the situation?
Have you already taken steps towards your goal? What were the results?
What is holding you back?

Initiate Change

When both coach and client have a clear understanding of the situation, the coaching conversation can go to the next phase. What can the client do to reach her goal? What is possible, what are the options? All options, at first it is not about the solution. Once all options are encountered it is time to explore the action plan.

What (small) steps make sens to the client, what steps can be taken by her towards reaching the goal? The ideal outcome of this phase is an action plan.

Powerful questions the coach can use in this phase are:

If anything was possible, what would you do?
What has worked already, can you do that more often?
What could you do to change the situation?
What advice would you give to a friend about that?
Who do you know that has encountered a similar situation? How did they do that?
What would you gain by doing that?
What support would you need to get that done?
Which options are of interest to you?
Would you like to choose an option to act on?
What are your criteria and measurements for success?
When are you going to start with the first action step?
What could arise that prevents you from taking these steps?

Learn

This step is built into this coaching model to check how the client is doing and if adjustments need to be made. Did the action plan kick start the change or is something more needed to take responsibility. Is the client on track to reach the goal, does the client feel that the action plan is realistic, are there any other or additional tools needed etc.

Powerful questions the coach can use in this phase are:

How are you doing?
What has happened and how do you feel about it?
What would be your next step?
What personal resistance do you have taking these next steps?
Is there anything missing?
What would happen if you did nothing?
What support would you need to get that done?
What commitment on a 1 to 10 scale do you have to taking these actions? What prevents you from being a 10? What could you do to raise your commitment to a 10?

Take Care

The last step in this coaching model is called take care. Did the coaching process have the desired outcome for the client? What does the client need to maintain this new situation? How is the client going to maintain this new situation.

Powerful questions the coach can ask during this step are: