A Coaching Model By Shay Babila, Life Coach, AUSTRIA
The Inside OUT Model Connection, Attention, and Insights
Twelve years ago, I decided to travel to India. I wanted to get away from ‘normal’ life and discover something new about myself. I did not know yet what.
I met a 19 years old traveler who caught my attention firmly. He was alone, and he had a quality of peace that I did not experience in one before.
He told me that he had decided to destroy all official documents he possessed and live without an identity.
Meeting him got me curious. How can one live without identity? Is it possible for me as well? What am I without my identity or story?
Before he left, I approached him with a question: “My friend, any advice on how to achieve this peace?”
He said: “Who said you do not have it already? My friend, instead of looking outside, look inside.”
At this moment, I did not understand what he meant, but the words landed peace in me. It created new thinking and perspective.
I learned from this experience about connection, attention, and insights.
How The Inside OUT Model Is It Being Translated Into a Coaching Session?
A client comes with a challenge, and as he describes the challenge, the coach has an opportunity to notice the client’s attention and where it is pointing.
The Inside OUT Model Example
A client complains about the habit of pleasing people. He would love to get rid of this habit.
Client attention is on removing the habit. We can offer the client opportunities to explore deeper, by being curious about the ‘behind the habit’. We can offer exploration of the client’s thought process and emotions.
This coaching model is aimed at helping coaches to guide clients with an understanding of their nature, and by deepening the understanding, receive fresh insights.
The model focuses on three fundamental parts:
Nobody cares how much you know UNTIL THEY know how much YOU CARE. – Theodore Roosevelt.
Before there is a coach and a client, there is a human and a human. Honoring it can help with manifesting a deep connection.
When we see each other’s as humans and not the roles we may reveal, we listen better. We are curious about each other. We are not holding a particular agenda.
The Inside OUT Model, Why Is It Important?
Two people who are naturally synced up will share the same rhythm. They will share the same flow, which will enable trust.
How Do Build a Connection in Coaching
Listening. Listen as you never listened before. Listen from the lens of a human.
Listening to all human expressions: Energy shifts, Mimics, tone of voice, etc.
Curiosity. Invite the client to be curious by displaying fresh curiosity. The Client experience is rich with opportunities to be curious about.
Vonurabilty. We can allow ourselves vulnerable moments as coaches. The client will appreciate it when we will share with them: I have no question for you at the moment. I got lost in thought. This vulnerable act will encourage the client to go deep.
Acknowledgment. Genuine acknowledgment is when our expression creates ease in the client. The client feels safe and heard.
The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention. – Thich Nhat Hanh
To illustrate the importance of Attention, I will use an example.
I used to have a problematic relationship with parties and big events.
I would find myself struggling with thoughts like: “I wonder if I should talk to more people. I should go dancing. This person doesn’t like me. The music is not nice. Etc.
My attention went outwardly by following my thoughts about others and about the opinions I hold.
By shifting my attention inwardly, I discovered anxiety that needed care and focus.
Being aware of my attention gave me the ability to take care of what is needed: breath, body, and emotions.
Noticing one’s feelings and taking a deep breath before acting from that emotion is what invites us to the present moment.
How to Pay Attention to Attention in Coaching
As coaches, we pay attention to ourselves. We show up fully by scanning our intentions, bodies, and emotions.
By doing that, we are present and more available to observe what is in front of us.
As the client presents the challenge he would like to look at, we are getting many opportunities to recognize clients’ attention.
By listening carefully, we can offer thought-provoking questions and observations to allow our client to re-examine his thinking and shift his attention towards himself.
To understand something profound about ourselves, an insight that reveals a blue sky after cloudy hours, something in us needs to be at ease.
We can and should not push to an insight.
As coaches, we can recognize the seed of insight in our clients, allowing them to wake up, sprout, and grow.
The Buddha teaches that change requires insight, and insight cannot begin until we stop and focus our attention on what is happening right in front of us. This stopping, he says, allows us to rest the body and the mind.
A situation looked at from a chaotic mind and body will be examined falsely.
A situation looked at from a calm mind and body will be examined truly.
Insights in Coaching
An insight will arise for the client when the client feels safe, grounded, not pushed, and not judged.
By facilitating a coaching session that honors the present moment, the client looks at his situation from the inside.
The coach offers the client an opportunity to examine his behavior and point him to what matters for him.